Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l

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soontobemrssmit... Posts : 7 Registered: 7/29/09
Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 12:22 PM

Okay i know there are gonna be a lot a people saying I shouldn't do this but oh well, this is how i want to do this OK!!! I am getting married in 2 weeks. I am having a JOP ceremony in Washington D.C. But I do want a traditional wedding. Right now with me just having our second child we can not afford to have one. But we are so ready to get marrid being that we have been together for 6 yars and have 2 children together. We have come to the decision that we can do a traditinal ceremony on our anniversary day next year. I'm just confused in the area on how I want to pull everything together. I need IDEAS. So if you have had anything like this know someone who have please give me some help. Thanks

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 1:17 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

There's a whole thread on vow renewals. Look there for ideas. By "traditional" wedding, do you mean that you want a religious ceremony? Or just a big party? Whereas there are many people here who object to "fake" weddings (meaning you do a ceremony all over again just for show), many people choose to take religious vows after a JP ceremony. And, if you just want the celebration, have an anniversary party or delayed wedding celebration--no need to "renew" vows that haven't been broken.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 2:36 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Welcome to the Boards. I usually agree with Myra but I have to disagree on one point and that is I don't think there are many people who object to a second wedding/vow renewal, but that those people who do are very adamant about it, will post every time they see the topic and then post many times within a thread as if they were fighting for civil rights or something equally as important. But then again they would probably say the same about me. lol. Ultimately the opinions of your friends and family who will be attending far outweight the opinions of a bunch of posters on a message board so I would also seek their opinions.

There is a vow renewal thread. If you search Planning a Vow Renewal in the search forums it will pop up. Its a good place for ideas, however it really hasn't been active for the last few months and I can't keep it going by myself, especially since my renewal is done with. Although I really appreciate the long term posters directing people there when this topic pops up I don't think women should feel they are relegated to that thread and not allowed to post anywhere else. My recommendation is that if you want to talk about for example flowers I would say "I am thinking about roses for my reception, what do you think?" and not I am having a second ceremony and am thinking about roses for my reception, what do you think? so that every time you post it goes back to the "fake" wedding argument rather than the topic you want to discuss.

As far as the ceremony and vows go, we opted to redo ours primarily for our families. Here is where I tell my story. If you've heard it 100 times just skip ahead! We were married six days after I moved from Canada to USA as I had 90 days to get married or get out. We didn't have any guests at all which really kind of sucked. When we redid the ceremony it was just our families and we altered the vows as there was no 'dearly beloved' at the first ceremony. We also had each member of the family involved in the vows by asking us a question such as Do you promise to love one another. Then we had everyone light a unity candelabra. The involvement of the families was extremely important to us as we wanted to have the feeling of the joining together of the families. It was the first time they had ever met and because of geography and age (we are a mature couple) will likely be the one and only time they are ever all together. We opted to redo it all and call it a wedding because somehow we thought calling it a party wouldn't be enough to get them all together.

Some people think having a renewal is a selfish concept and that it might even be all about parties and gifts. So for the record we had two ceremonies, no showers, no bachelor or bachelorette parties, no engagement party, no wedding party as we didn't want the hassle for our families and one petite registry that was opened just before the first ceremony and closed just after the second ceremony and not mentioned to a soul unless they asked first. To avoid those accusations I really would recommend not doing everything twice, especially a year a part.

We don't regret the decision and do feel it has brought our families together. Good luck with your planning

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 4:24 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

Dear Mrs S,

There are plenty of people who ask for advice, then only listen to the advice that fits their pre-determined action plan.

It is confusing to get married, then have a fake wedding later. It's confusing to the couple, confusing to the families and confusing to the guests.

I'd say skip the fake wedding entirely. Have an anniversary party on your anniversary. If you can't afford a big party in another year, then wait until you can and then have an "X"th Anniversary party.

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soontobemrssmit... Posts : 7 Registered: 7/29/09
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 4:47 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Actually it's not confusing to the family, they want us to do it. I'm just tryng to get everything together. It's not a fake wedding. It's just a FORMAL CELEBRATION of OUR wedding. Just because we don't have the means to do it like you or everybody else doen't make it any less special. So before you start judging stop and think about what is coming out your mouth. everybody knows we are getting married now. I'm not trying to swindel gifts out of people. As a matter of fact i don't want any gifts. If some one wants to give one thats fine. We are paying for it. I just want all my family, that wanted to be at the court house that couldn't make it, be able to celebrate our marriage. So please keep snobby comments to your self. You should have read all of my oringina post because I clearly stated that peopl elike you need not comment. Thank you have a nice day.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 4:50 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

Hi and welcome and you sure picked a hot first topic! Tanis gave some great advice, and the vow renewal thread would probably be a great place to get some useful advice on how to do what you are going to do. :) For the record, I'm one of those who has no problem whatsoever with a vow renewal ceremony and would attend happily for anyone I care about. good luck with your plans!!

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 5:03 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

Our families didn't find it confusing either. Now changing my country of residence and last name within a week of one another, well that was confusing!

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 5:13 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

Instead of saying, formal celebration of our wedding, I'd say formal celebration of our marriage. I think it makes it more clear, because it sounds like you really don't think of your JOP ceremony as a wedding.

As for ideas, the things you should ask yourself so that others can help are -- do I want this formal celebration to be religious? What do I want to wear? How much do I want to spend (you should start thinking about your budget!) Do I want to incorporate our children?

I don't have an issue with weddings following JOP ceremonies, but I do think that they involve some thorny questions if you're looking for an old-school wedding. I think people should stay true to where they are in their relationship, and if they are already married (especially if they've been living together for a long time with children) their event should reflect that as well. As for ideas about how to do that exactly, I'll leave that to more creative people than I.

Good luck.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 5:18 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

Dear Mrs S,

Ah, yes, the old "I'll call you bad names if you don't agree with me" routine.

Do what you want. If it's tacky, I'm sure everyone will be too scared to speak up.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 5:31 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

(don't read me. I'm not supposed to be here) (double post)

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 5:33 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

MsD a double post 18 minutes apart? trippy.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 5:44 PM Go to message in response to: TanisJ

Yeah, I hit post, then went to the bathroom. Came back, and the computer was stalling. Thought it didn't post so hit Post again.

Wow, that's a first. Thousands of posts written, and that's the first time I've ever mentioned going to the bathroom. :-)

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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soontobemrssmit... Posts : 7 Registered: 7/29/09
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 8:41 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I didn't call you any names at all. And please believe it will not be tacky my dear...... when I post pics from the event I want you to be the first to see

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FutureSaunders Posts : 95 Registered: 9/18/08
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 9:12 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

I think it is a great idea. Actually that is what my mother wanted me and my FH to do since we have been living together for over 3 years. But that is not what I wanted to do. Go for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing a Vow Renewal a year later for family and close friend to witness and I certainly dont think it is confusing! LOL

Be Blessed!

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Confused! A Justice of the peace ceremony now and a traditional ceremony l
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 9:33 PM Go to message in response to: soontobemrssmit...

Again, you'll get much more positive advice and comments if you go over to the vow renewal thread. You ahve MET the posters who will continue with the negative, and who are VERY adamant that these celebrations are tacky. I urge you to go to the vow renewal thread, but regardless, goodluck with it all anyway and please DO come back with pictures. I LOVE wedding pictures!!!


 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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