marriage and a deployment

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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 11:08 PM

So pretty much I dont know what to do. We have been married for almost three weeks and he's deploying. He just got told less then a week ago that he is going to afganistan. He's excited about getting to make a diffrence (thats why he joined the military), but I am so worried. I'm at work and I'm already missing him, and he doesn't leave untill the 17th. What are some things i can do while he's gone to get my mind off it? I plan on getting a kitten, and watching ALOT of movies.

The newest Mrs.Foster

AllisonWink

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FMrsJG Posts : 77 Registered: 2/21/08
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 13, 2009 1:47 AM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

Allison:

FH and I are going thru our second deployment currently. This year is alot harder than last, mainly b/c we're at a different stage in our relationship than we were last year and well where he is at this year, we dont get talk as much. Deployments are hard and I wont lie....its like you're PMSing constantly. However, you can't sit around all day everyday watching movies...you will go nuts! The cat will help (i wish my apt let me get a pet, cuz i need a companion!) with the lonliness...But turn your focus from being alone to doing things you love and take time to see friends that you usually see as well as those you dont get to see alot. Also take on a new project, it will keep you busy and will be productive as well. Work? haha, I actually started this deployment out by working two jobs which totaled 78 hours a week...but I overworked myself to where I had no time to myself and when I did, I hated it b/c I was alone. So find that balance!! What to do when you miss him and can't talk to him? Welll...FH thinks I'm absolutely crazy cuz I write him 4-7 emails a day...however I only send about 1 or 2 of them (too many emails will overwhelm him). But tell him about your life and things on your mind (remember to keep things positive...but dont ignore the issues that need to be addressed). Also, my favorite thing to do when I'm having "a day" or I miss him...is I plan/work on a care package for him. It makes me feel part of him and I'm doing something for him (i love doing things for him).

You will be fine, it is long and it sucks hands down sucks!! So if you need to take a "mental health day" take one!! dont ignore it or surpress it but at the same time, dont consume it to where you're misrible all the time and not having a life. Remember before you met him...when you were married, you had and identity and well now that you are married...you still have one too!! Deployments may suck, but remember that the small things mean the most and they can be fun as wel!

Most importantly: pray for him and all the other servicemen/women. think positive about his safety and know that he is in the hand of Him.

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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 12:16 AM Go to message in response to: FMrsJG

thanks,

He just flew out today, so im still in shock. I never thought i would cry this much. My goal i set for myself is to get some college classes done while he is gone. I wish i could see old friends but being in japan thats a little hard. I have a lot of friends. I just dont want to bring them down when im sad. I hate the feeling of being sad, i a happy person by nature. I might even start scrapbooking again.

AllisonWink

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MsMeghann Posts : 147 Registered: 3/4/08
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 17, 2009 11:03 AM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

Hey Allison,

My husband and I just got married about three weeks ago, as well. While DH isn't in the military himself, he's a military brat. His father did 2 tours of Iraq in 2006 and 2007, and his BIL (sister's hubs) has deployed 3 times since we've been together.

Also, she has a 3 year old, twin 10 month olds and an Alaskan sled dog (VERY large dog). All three kids are in diapers, and BIL is getting shipped back to Afghanistan at the end of the summer, which is also the twins' first bday.

My point in telling you this is because while I don't know what she and you are going through, I asked her how she keeps her wits about her. She said that while the kids keep her busy, it does get hard bc the kids don't have their daddy around. BUT, she relies on us as a family for support -- something I sincerely hope you can do, too.

She also has an Army Wives support group on base that she utilizes when she needs it. Not sure if that's available where you are, but it may be worth looking into. Meetup.org also has tons of Army support and social groups around the country that may also help (not with just support, but also some social aspects, too).

I hope you can be strong for your husband. He needs you right now :) Additionally, please thank your husband for DH and me. His service to our country is something to be proud of! I wish you and your new DH the very best. Please keep us posted.

~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~
Soon to be Mrs. Scherrer
www.MattandMeghann.com

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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 18, 2009 3:58 AM Go to message in response to: MsMeghann

The hardest part, was dropping him off at the airport. Our deployment manager said they are planning on sending me over around december-february time frame. I love the military life. I understand that work is supposed to come first. But this is complete crap!!!! They are seperating us for a whole year.....our FIRST year of marriage. He told me to talk to some of the higher ups in our chain of command. Since everybody likes us. So hopefully they will move me back to a summer deployment.Wish me luck.

AllisonWink

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 5:34 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

I'm so sorry that your DH got deployed so quickly after your marriage. Stay strong and stay busy. A friend of mine that is a Navy wife gave me the best advice...Have plans to do something every weekend and something big at least once a month. It really helps to make the days/weeks/months go by faster b/c you have something to look forward to every time. It's really helped me. Another thing I started doing while my hubby was away was volunteering at an animal shelter. It's something I've always wanted to do and it really helps knowing that it's not taking away from "us" time. Good luck & much hugs.

Mrs. Pinky


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Keyholder of the TP Cabinet of P.O.O.P.

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 24, 2009 3:06 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

that's so sorry to hear!

DH's cousin is getting married in a few weeks, and he just found out the other day that he's being deployed to Egypt within a few months after the wedding and will be gone for a year - that's gotta be a tough way to start a marriage! I can't even imagine what his fiance is going through - he's spent most of the last year off at training while she's been doing the majority of the planning, and now this right after they get married. They got an apartment too down by the college they were both planning on attending this fall too, so at least she'll have the experience of the first year of college to keep her distracted a little bit while he's gone, but still... that just sucks!

Friends since December 1997, together since December 2006
September 13, 2008 I legally became his and he became mine.

I tend to write long posts - short and simple doesn't exist with me!
That's how I am, take it or leave it.

MovieBits - your source for reviews, news and more!
www.moviebits.blogspot.com

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KimberlyDonn Posts : 26 Registered: 9/8/08
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 24, 2009 4:57 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

Deployments are difficult even for veteran spouses. Some things you can do while he's deployed:

Don't watch the news (it will freak you out)
Try to stay in touch with other spouses, and/or become part of the FRG with his unit.
Spend time with family, if they are local
Make your home happy and comfortable, and email him pictures of the progress
Write letters and mail them to him
put together care packages
Order stuff online for him from places that ship to APOs
Make sure he knows you're always there to support him
LISTEN when he needs someone to talk to (it can get tough and lonely there)
If you'd like find solice in your church; a concerted effort to grow spiritually helps
Never, EVER forget you are not alone, there are hundreds of thousands of people in exactly the same situation; and all of them are more than willing to help you get through.


There are days when everything is ok, and there are days when you'll feel like you're about to fall apart. That's normal. He will feel displaced and wierd when he comes back, which is also normal. It is also normal to worry about his safety.

One of the most important thing if possible hang out with other wives in the same situation; it helps to have a sounding board.

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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 25, 2009 10:23 AM Go to message in response to: KimberlyDonn

I have a group of wives and girlfriends that i have been hanging out with. We have been doing everything together. Gym. movies. beach.

Right now he is doing good. He is at one of the bigger bases so he has internet in his room. So we IM most nights. I've sent him a care package already. Just the IM's make me feel so much better. He is excited to come home to 'our home'. It kind of does suck that I have to pick everything out by myself, without his input, but it should be ok.

Thank you for all the ideas ladies.

AllisonWink

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 25, 2009 10:46 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

AllisonFoster2B - Yeah I'm starting to talk to a LOT more military wives/girlfriend/fiancees and it helps a lot when someone you know is going through or has been through things you're going through too. It's great that your guy has internet and you can "talk" that way.

Mrs. Pinky


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Keyholder of the TP Cabinet of P.O.O.P.

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MrsRicecake Posts : 700 Registered: 2/2/08
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Jul 26, 2009 8:46 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

Hi Allison! I know how you feel. DH is in the Marines and is preparing to deploy sometime between Septmember and October..not sure they wont tell us any tentative dates. The sucky thing is on the 6th of August he has to go away for a month for training and climatization. The other thing that sucks is that he squadron will be doing classified missions and I wont even know where he will be and his CO has said that the communication will be very low due to the missions they will be going on and the conditions of the base. The next sucky thing is it will be right before our first anniversary.
My plan is...I am moving back in with my parents in order to save money, not have to work so I can concentrate on school (although I think I will probably end up working something part time) and I am getting a small dog. Something that will be very dependant on me so I feel I like I am taking care of something. I have a very supportive, big family that will be there for support..which is awesome! Around the same time my brother will be deploying so our entire family will be understanding of all my emotions.

I also know how you feel about the dual military situation because my brother and his soon-to-be ex-wife are both Marines. They were set up for coenciding deployments. He is going on a MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit) and she was going to Afghanistan. With both of them being military it made things hard, but my brother wanted to work on it and she didnt. They arent getting divorced because of their jobs, its basically because she is a whore that liked to screw everyone in her unit! But I do understand the hardships that come along with dual military couples. Its hard.

Good luck and stay busy!

Formerly FMR2008 

Married Since December 27, 2008!

 

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Nottie Posts : 2 Registered: 8/18/09
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Aug 18, 2009 4:23 AM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

Are you kidding me? You're in the military and can't even handle the
basics of OPSEC?! You post your full name and his deployment date, how
hard do you think it is to put pieces together? Seriously, have you
never heard of data mining? Ever? Exact dates are one of the clearest
and worst violations of OPSEC.

Also, are you seriously whining about being separated for your first year of marriage?! You're in the f*ing military girly, was the recruiting office next door to the girl scouts and you went in the wrong door?

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Soon2BAPrice Posts : 50 Registered: 4/7/09
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Aug 18, 2009 7:24 AM Go to message in response to: Nottie

OP, there's really not much advice i can give to make you feel better...if you're already making friends, you're doing the hardest part right there:finding others who understand what you're going through...

to comment to the person above me:

DO NOT jump her...NOT every person associated with the military knows OPSEC or what it means. in that right, what WE are NOT supposed to give out ARE:
mission locations
full names, ranks
we are not to post pictures of key objects near our SO's while they are deployed
we are NOT to discuss these things on the phone, while our SO is OVERSEAS

DO NOT jump the girl, for giving the SAME information, that the media will cover when the unit leaves the base. PLEASE before you jump off on OPSEC fully understand it first. there is absolutely nothing that OP has stated which can be deduced for terrorism.

DEFINITION OF "OPSEC"
(OPerations SECurity) The U.S. military term for concealing critical information as part of a counterintelligence plan. A form of "security by obscurity," OPSEC determines what information adversaries can obtain or piece together from observation and to provide measures for reducing such vulnerabilities to acceptable levels.
things not to be discussed on the web are:
Information that is for official use only (FOUO). This type of information would pose an unacceptable risk to the military, especially in electronically aggregated form. While records containing FOUO information will normally be marked at the time of their creation, records that do not bear such markings shall be assumed to contain FOUO information.

  • Analysis and recommendations concerning lessons learned which reveal sensitive military operations, exercises or vulnerabilities.

  • Reference to unclassified information that would reveal sensitive movements of military assets or the location of units, installations, or personnel where uncertainty regarding location is an element of military plan or program.

  • Personal information including complilations of names of personnel assigned to overseas , sensitive, or routinely deployable units.

* Names, locations, and specific identifying information about family members or military personnel and employees. (assuming this is what the above poster is arguing with, the OP has NOT violated this ;))

  • Technical information that can be used or be adapted for use to design, engineer, produce, manufacture, operate, repair, overhaul, or reproduce any military or space equipment or technology concerning such equipment.

  • Unclassified information pertaining to classified programs.


all else-sorry my 1st post is such a critical one, and i just left a "heated emotional" legal forum, so sorry for the attitude ;)

Edited by: Soon2BAPrice on Aug 18, 2009 7:28 AM

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Nottie Posts : 2 Registered: 8/18/09
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Aug 20, 2009 11:15 AM Go to message in response to: Soon2BAPrice

Really? So you would post your full name as well as troop movement dates, which is what she did? I sure as heck wouldn't, I have seen first hand what enough puzzle pieces can do. She probably has countdowns all over her social networking sites too. I do fully understand OPSEC, I took a handy dandy class on it. And I will jump all over anyone who thinks "the first year of her marriage" should get consideration in deployments. That may be just about the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

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GIJinj Posts : 2 Registered: 8/20/09
Re: marriage and a deployment
Posted: Aug 20, 2009 11:52 AM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

Hey there high speed. aka Mrs. Allison Foster (lookey there first and last name)

1st. Yeah, all the nice stuff the PP said about keeping in touch with YH is on point.

2nd. OPSEC does apply to you and individual troop movements in reference to deployment/ combat operations. When in doubt do NOT post any information regarding timelines.

3rd. The whole "this is complete crap" aspect of your posting is what pisses people like me off. Suck it up and drive on. You signed up - now go fulfill your obligation. My H is deployed and he missed our daughters 1st b'day - he'll also miss our sons' 4th b'day and 3rd b'day (yep 3 kids). This is part of the military life. 6 weeks after he gets home -- guess what -- my turn to go TDY for awhile and do my duty.

You were good to go with me until you started fussin about DOING YOUR JOB.

Edited by: GIJinj on Aug 20, 2009 11:54 AM

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