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rehearsal dinner choice

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CadburyDreams Posts : 4 Registered: 7/24/09
rehearsal dinner choice
Posted: Jul 24, 2009 9:33 AM

I'm nervous about the rehearsal dinner location. It's not the dream restaurant I'd want but costs are a consideration. My fiance and I weren't really involved in the choice of it. If it was reversed and my parents were planning it, it would be at a nicer place. My brother's rehearsal dinner a few years ago was really great--as was the one for his first wedding. For mine, I don't mind if it's not a fancy place so long as what is served is good and it has a decent atmosphere; people may be more relaxed at a more casual restaurant which is good.

But, I wanted to email my family a link to the menu or the restaurant's site so they'd know where we're going and have a sense of it and when I did a web search today, the restaurant has no web site, 2 really bad 2008 and 2009 reviews came up and older ones were moderate. So at this point, it would be best not to say anything!

I may email the FMIL and FFIL to ask about the menu just as I'm interested in what they chose (I think they set it up so there are a few options for each course) and ask if they mind if I tell my parents about it, but then I feel slightly bossy and nosy since they are organizing it. Maybe I could ask them to email us about it. I'm checking on it with my fiance.

Anyone else feel unsure about the rehearsal dinner place and their level of involvement?
Thanks!

rehearsal_dinner , fmil , stress , food , menu , ffil
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: rehearsal dinner choice
Posted: Jul 24, 2009 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: CadburyDreams

Relax! The rehearsal dinner doesn't matter. Don't worry about it.

On the menu question, I don't think it would be bossy to ask them about the menu...but emailing it to all the attendees would be overkill. Trust me - they won't care.

For our RD, we discussed it with my MIL and told her that we wanted an intimate dinner with our WP, parents, and siblings - no OOT guests. She agreed, told us her budget, and asked us to suggest a place. (Our wedding was in the area where we live now, so my ILs didn't know the area well enough to find a place on their own) We found a great place and made all the arrangements. Three weeks before the wedding, I got a call from my MIL, telling me that she didn't have as much money for the RD as she expected. To cut down the costs, she suggested that we do the dinner with just our WP, no parents or siblings. DH and I didn't like that idea, so we started looking for a cheaper place that could accomodate a group of our size with only 2-3 weeks notice. We finally settled on a private area at an Irish pub/restaurant that we like. After all that, at the last minute (I'm not kidding - it was either the day before or earlier that morning), my MIL called and added more guests, all OOT family members of hers. I guess her mother pressured her to add them, but it REALLY bothered me because she had told us that money was an issue. Plus, she didn't offer to add MY OOT family members - though at that point, I just said, 'Screw it' and called them to see if they could come, but they had all made other plans by that time. The whole thing really bugged me because 1) She spent as much for more people at a more casual restaurant than she would have spent on the original group at the original restaurant, 2) The one thing we asked for was that the RD be a small, intimate group, 3) I ended up planning not one, but TWO RDs...and I didn't even want to be involved in the first place.

The extra guests also presented my MIL with another challenge: transportation. Our reception location and guest hotel were about a 20-minute drive from the church. Since we hadn't planned on inviting OOT guests, we planned the RD at a place that was convenient for the WP, who would be coming from the church. My MIL had rented a large van to transport her OOT family members to and from the airport (I told her that there was a shuttle, but she insisted on driving around to three different airports the day before the wedding). She drove the van from the hotel to the church for the rehearsal. Then she drove back to the hotel (in rush-hour traffic) to pick up everyone else and drive back to the RD location (again, in rush-hour traffic). And since she doesn't know the area, she got lost. My ILs and their guests ended up being 2 hours late to our RD. Worst idea ever.

Anyway, none of it matters. It was annoying at the time, but the wedding the next day went perfectly, and that's what people remember. So don't stress over the RD. Even if it's an absolute disaster, it just doesn't matter in the long run.


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ffil , rehearsal_dinner , fmil , stress , food , menu
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CadburyDreams Posts : 4 Registered: 7/24/09
Re: rehearsal dinner choice
Posted: Jul 24, 2009 11:27 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Thanks! Yeah, it doesn't matter really. People will remember it if it's fun and with good company.I feel lucky that so far nothing has been a horrible big deal and problem. I am not a big planner so I'm glad not to have to do the RD. Yet it's funny to see that I can be a control freak--so then I over-analyze asking about this, worrying if it's OK to ask about the menu. I've never worried this much about stepping on others' feet.

I think our RD guest list is straighforward but there's time for that to become an issue. Hope it doesn't.

rehearsal_dinner , fmil , connecticut , stress , food , menu , ffil
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: rehearsal dinner choice
Posted: Jul 24, 2009 12:19 PM Go to message in response to: CadburyDreams

Dear CD,

If you believe your FH's family are doing the best with whatever budget they have, then that's all you need to worry about. You can't expect people to host a party at your "dream" restaurant if they cannot afford it.

It is common for large parties to order off a banquet menu. The restaurant gives the large party a per-head price break in return for a limited menu. That's very common.

Why not ask your FH to contact his parents and ask what menu choices the guests will have? Let Son deal with Mom and Dad.

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CadburyDreams Posts : 4 Registered: 7/24/09
Re: rehearsal dinner choice
Posted: Jul 24, 2009 12:33 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thanks Aunt. I'm happy they are hosting it and think if it was at a fancier place people might not have as much fun. I've become more interested in food over the past several years, so if money wasn't an issue, it would be interesting to go to a more exotic/interestingly menu-ed place. Maybe my fiance can ask them what they chose for the menu, and it's probably best if I stay out of it.

rehearsal_dinner , fmil , food , ffil
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