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I have NO girlfriends...

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Revenwyn Posts : 48 Registered: 4/26/07
I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 19, 2009 7:33 AM

I have no girlfriends, and no female family except for my mother, an old maiden aunt, and my grandmother.

My fiance, on the other hand, has tons of guy friends he wants in the wedding.

I have a lot of guy friends too, but my family would flip out and probably not attend if they were also on my side. They're very conservative and traditional, they disapprove my choice as they had wanted to arrange a marriage for me to begin with.

My fiance said that he could limit his choices to two guys, but I can't even think of a girl for a bridesmaid...

Hoping and praying our day will come soon.

 

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FrancieElaine Posts : 655 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 19, 2009 10:11 AM Go to message in response to: Revenwyn

There is no rule that says you have to have lots of bridesmaids... or even any! And there is definitely no rule that says they have to be young and look pretty in a bridesmaid dress. Anyone who you love would be honored to stand beside you.

In my case, I had too many women in my family and I didn't want to hurt anyone, so I didn't have any attendants. Instead, I invited all the women attending my wedding to wear pink or something with pink (like a black dress with a pink scarf, etc.) in honor of breast cancer awareness and my Mother, who died when I was 13. All the women really got into it! It gave everyone a chance to buy something new (even if it was just a scarf) and the pictures looked great because even the men had pink shirts or ties on! My sister did stand with me and my husband's Father stood with him. But, everyone got to be a bridesmaid!

Take this time to be creative. Do whatever makes you happy.
Francie Elaine

north_carolina
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 19, 2009 10:35 AM Go to message in response to: Revenwyn

Dear Rev,

Your choices are pretty much self-limited. You can please your family by .... what? Marrying a man of their choice? Somehow getting a bunch of girlfriends to be bridesmaids?

Or, you can please yourself and tell your family, politely, gently, firmly "This is the way it is".

Sometimes you've just got to get out those scissors and cut those apron strings!

Personally, I'd ask some of your closer male friends to stand up with you. That way FH can have his groomsmen and you won't feel all alone.

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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 19, 2009 3:00 PM Go to message in response to: Revenwyn

The PP's both have offered excellent advice. Frankly, when family tries to manipulate you by pulling the "We won't attend" card, you have to stick to your guns and do it your way.

I agree that there is absolutely no law that says that you have to have any attendants. You honor those close to you by inviting them to attend your wedding. In my book, "guest" is an honored position. And many people choose to have parents as attendants (my son-in-law had his father as best man), so you could have your mother stand up with you. If your FH can make a choice, each of you could have one close person stand with you as honor attendant and the rest as guests.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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jpersing Posts : 21 Registered: 7/12/09
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 19, 2009 10:00 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Perhaps your old maiden aunt can act as your attendant. Bring up the idea with her and she might even like it. You wouldn't like to pick just any woman to act as your attendant because you will not be comfortable with her.

I have no sister too so my maid of honor is my college bestfriend not my female cousin. It's your wedding so you can do whatever you want to.

Here is a link to my wedding pictures. Hope you like the pictures
http://www.ehow.com/how_4863199_become-own-wedding-planner.html



Love conquers all fears.

january_2008
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Revenwyn Posts : 48 Registered: 4/26/07
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 3:06 AM Go to message in response to: jpersing

I don't like my old maiden aunt...


Thing is our families are extremely traditional. White dress (I look awful in white), wedding cake, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, ringbearer.... the whole nine yards.

We were raised so traditionally that we want to chuck most of it out. We'd not even have a wedding except our families believe that we would be "living in sin" even if we did it at the justice of the peace because they didn't give me away to him.

Honestly I don't care if they come or not really, except it would look bad if they didn't...

Hoping and praying our day will come soon.

northern_california , january_2008
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: Revenwyn

Dear Rev,

"We were raised so traditionally that we want to chuck most of it out"

So, why don't you? You're a grownup. You can do what you want.

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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 1:26 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

You do not have to do anything that you don't want to just because it is traditional. The "we won't come" card is childish. Stay strong and do what you feel is right.

 

"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

-Wolfman Jack Smith

atlanta , june_2009
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 2:16 PM Go to message in response to: Revenwyn

Honestly I don't care if they come or not really, except it would look bad

Look bad to whom, exactly? You seem to be in the middle of a big, inner conflict--do you go with your manipulative, traditional family's beliefs (denying your own preferences and beliefs), or do you grow up and assert yourself? If you don't even like your maiden Aunt or care if your family shows up, then why are you kow-towing to their demands? It's hard to cut the umbilical cord sometimes, but if you're adult enough to be married, you're adult enough to be married your way. I know that sometimes it's preferable to compromise and avoid conflict, but since you have the rest of your life to live and seem to want your family to be part of it, it's probably better to put your foot down now and declare your independence than it will be when they start to manipulate you about how to raise your kids, where to live, and what church to join.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

northern_california , january_2008
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Revenwyn Posts : 48 Registered: 4/26/07
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 6:49 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Our church would be helping the reception costs considerably, and it would look bad to them if my family did not come because we refused to be married in a more traditional manner. And with my family making up 1/3 of the size of our church, that would be pretty conspicuous.


Hoping and praying our day will come soon.

 

northern_california , january_2008
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 9:27 PM Go to message in response to: Revenwyn

Okaaay, then, what can anyone here do for you, short of finding you some girlfriends? You know who's available better than we do. What about the minister's wife? Another church member? Or, as suggested previously, have your FH compromise, invite his friends as guests, and either eliminate attendants, or have one apiece.

northern_california , january_2008
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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 20, 2009 10:09 PM Go to message in response to: Revenwyn

I think you should go to Vegas and elope and then come home and have a little party and invite your family and friends (all your guy friends too). That will save you the trouble of a traditional wedding because it sounds like your family is the only one that wants it the traditional way.
But really, just do the wedding the way you and fiance want. In the end what matters is that you are husband and wife.
                              

 

Visit my wedding website http://www.mywedding.com/alanandjarlyn

Sign my guestbook!!! :)



 


connecticut , october_2010
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I have NO girlfriends...
Posted: Jul 21, 2009 12:36 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

The OP has posted extensively on her family and personal problems in threads in the NWR section. The whole situation gets a little strange once you read these posts. Curioser and curioser.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

connecticut , october_2010
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