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I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...

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MrsJDtobe Posts : 159 Registered: 2/15/09
I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...
Posted: Jul 8, 2009 1:44 AM

On 4th of July one of my FH's sisters came to our house for our cookout. In open conversation she starts off by saying how her sister (the one getting married next yr, and who I WAS going to be a BM) has plans to slash her wedding budget by 5K. She proceeded to tell us all how she is only having her original maid of honor and her sister (the one telling us) at her wedding and that she is booking a garden area for the ceremony.

She told us who would be there and I was quite shocked and insulted that I was never told that I was not only NOT going to be a bridesmaid, but not even included with her own brother to be AT the wedding! It costs NOTHING to have guests at your wedding ceremony. Then she went on to say how she will then re-wear her dress the next day and have a reception for everyone to go to. So wait...we are not good enough to go to her ceremony? She is one of my bridesmaids, who I THOUGHT I was close with. Her own brother had no clue about the change in plans either. We are puzzled as to how this can save her money.

She was originally doing the ceremony at the reception venue, which was at no additional cost. I feel insulted, not that I don't get the chance to wear a cobalt bloue 2 piece dress (I would have dreaded it, but would have done it to make her happy) but that I feel that a courtesy call was in order. How do you change pland and not only kick someout out of a wedding party, but uninvite family from the ceremony!

This is more of a vent than anything, but I find it so inappropriate. I had been helping her with so much stuff and I feel like it was something that should have been told to me before hearing it in open conversation at my cookout!

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On October 11, 2009, my cop will forever be cuffed to my heart ;-)

maryland , october_2009
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...
Posted: Jul 8, 2009 1:58 PM Go to message in response to: MrsJDtobe

I'd suggest waiting to get upset until you hear this from the horse's (um, bride's) mouth. Second-hand information can be misleading.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

maryland , october_2009
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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...
Posted: Jul 8, 2009 2:01 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I would wait and hear it from the engaged sister. Some people shoot their mouths off before they get all the facts.

 

"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

-Wolfman Jack Smith

maryland , atlanta , october_2009 , june_2009
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MrsJDtobe Posts : 159 Registered: 2/15/09
Re: I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...
Posted: Jul 8, 2009 3:12 PM Go to message in response to: Knoxvegas

Well, the horse's mouth matches the sister's. I asked her and her response was just what her sister had said. She told me who would be there and that the big party would be the next day for the rest of the fam and friends and she'd save over 5K. I don't see how she can save 5K just by not having ppl at her ceremony.

It's rude to just uninvite ppl and not tell them they aren't in the wedding or even invited TO the wedding anymore. Now I have to pretend to be ok with her and that behavior when I am doing my wedding stuff with her? To each his own with finances. I am not saying that she MUST spend that extra money, but she certainly could have gone about it a better way by maybe saying something to us face to face. I fell in the trap of having to ask for to be a BM bc she had asked me to be one. This is like when she asked me and my FH to be the godparents to her daughter who she is pregnant with and then 2 wks ago changed her mind and had someone ELSE tell us. So sick of trying to be the SIL who is forgiving ALL THE TIME regardless of my feelings.

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On October 11, 2009, my cop will forever be cuffed to my heart ;-)

maryland , atlanta , october_2009 , june_2009
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Nalamienea Posts : 2,930 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...
Posted: Jul 8, 2009 3:33 PM Go to message in response to: MrsJDtobe

I wouldn't find it inappropriate at all to tell her that you're very disappointed, not just that you won't get to be a bridesmaid, but in her behavior as well. Her sister mouthing off to everyone before you even knew what was going on was in very poor taste. Yes - to each her own about her finances, and if she thinks that this is going to save her money then that's fine, but I don't think I'd be attending the party afterward either.

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virginia , maryland , october_2008 , atlanta , october_2009 , june_2009
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Bride2008 Posts : 3,059 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...
Posted: Jul 8, 2009 3:34 PM Go to message in response to: MrsJDtobe

As annoying as this is, let your FH deal with it. It's his family and he has to work it out.

 

 

P.O.O.P.E.R. - People Offended by Offended People Executive Recruiter

new_york_metro , maryland , october_2008 , atlanta , october_2009 , june_2009
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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,300 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...
Posted: Jul 8, 2009 4:57 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

I agree with Nala, but it might be better to have FH deliver the news, not to say "My fiancee is disappointed," but instead "WE are disappointed by the way this was handled, and this is why, and we feel..." etc. She may not care if she isn't even inviting her own bro to the wedding, but he'll be able to speak to her with a level of honesty that you may not since he's the brother, and you won't look like the bad guy.

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virginia , maryland , october_2008 , atlanta , october_2009 , march_2008 , southern_california , june_2009
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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: I WAS going to be a BM is my FSIL's wedding, UNTIL...
Posted: Jul 8, 2009 9:27 PM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

That sucks...

I would have your FH talk to her - if you're going to be family soon anyway, why should she exclude you? I mean i could understand no ring, no invite, but you're goint to SILs shortly anyway, that just seems rude and mean to uninvite her brother's fiance. On top of the fact that it doesn't cost anything for people to attend a ceremony - a lot of churchs invite the whole congregation for the ceremony, and then the couple has a private reception later...

Friends since December 1997, together since December 2006
September 13, 2008 I legally became his and he became mine.

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september_2008 , virginia , maryland , october_2008 , atlanta , october_2009 , march_2008 , southern_california , june_2009 , illinois_chicago
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