The DEATH Thread ...

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savex389 Posts : 506 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 1:24 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelley,
you're beautiful speech made me cry and I didn't even know your Nana. She sounds like an amazing woman!

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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 1:47 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Ah Kel--(sniff sniff). Nice job! What a gift to your family to have you do that. I'm glad that the weekend wasn't as bad as it could have been with the family drama. I know you were anticipating the worst.

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MrsSy Posts : 504 Registered: 7/6/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 3:40 PM Go to message in response to: luvathena

Kelley, That was so beautiful. I love the 80th bday party story.

Can't wait to be Mrs. Snyder

 




 

 

Proud Member of the P.O.O.P.

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2009ToBeMrsV Posts : 256 Registered: 12/30/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 1, 2009 5:13 PM Go to message in response to: MrsSy

Kelly I'm so sorry to hear about your Nana, but glad you were able to share such a wonderful story with everyone. I'm sorry for everyone elses losses as well. It's really tough to lose someone so close to you and so important in your life.

I've been through a few losses, the first being my best friend, Melissa, when we were 16. We were on our way home from a camping trip with her family and her boyfriend Kalid and our friend Jared had come along. Kalid drove us teens in his minivan to a from the camping trip. On the way home Melissa was riding shot gun, I was layed out asleep on the back seat (we had removed the middle seat and had a folded up futon mattress on the floor and camping gear packed in on the side behind the driver seat), and Jared was laying on the futon mattress with his head near the front seats so he could chat with Kalid. I knew Melissa was asleep in the front seat, she ALWAYS fell asleep in the car, usually with her head on my shoulder as she had on the way to camping and on any other car ride. About an hour away from home I remember waking up to a load boom, flying up off the seat and landing hard back down and that was it. I woke up laying on the ground with strange people standing around me in the most intense pain you could imagine and the first words I was able to mumble in a daze was "Melissa?", I remember someone asking me "was that your friend in the car with you?" and I said "yes" and they said "how old are you?" and I said "16", and I remember the sadness in their voices as I heard them quietly repeat to each other. I remember trying to move and get up, I could smell smoke and as I lifted my arms there was blood all over them. I couldn't lift myself up and I remember there was a lady holding pressure on my left leg. A little while later some fire fighters came over and checked on me and said an ambulance was on it's way. Everything after that was a complete blurr, I remember them moving me onto the gerny and then I remember being in the ambulance and them saying "this will only hurt for a second" which I believe was when they were inserting an IV into my arm, and then I don't remember anything until I woke up in the ER as they were cutting my clothes off. From the time I regained conscious all throughout my time in the ER and through x-rays I could remember just crying out loud like a baby in pain. I heard the words again "this might hurt for a second" and that's the first time i felt the pain in my leg from the large gash through the muscle in my thigh as they cleaned it. I remember screaming out in pain and them holding my leg down. I also remember hearing a guy in the next room over continuously complaining about his headache and trying to call a nurse. I wanted so badly to tell him he had no idea what pain was like but I could barely speak let alone yell to another room. A police officer came in while I was in the ER and miraculously I remember my home adress and phone number for them to contact my Dad. At this point I still had no clue what had happened. I remember being moved to a couple of different rooms for x-rays of my head and chest. I had a broken jaw, and was being monitered for internal bleeding, aside from the slew of cuts and bruises all over my arms and legs and back, and I had 21 stitches in my left thigh. My Dad arrived at the hospital shortly after they put me into my own room, I was still covered in blood as they hadn't cleaned me and I remember the look on his face and all I said was "Daddy...." and I just burst into tears again. I know I didn't look myself, my face was very swollen, I had nearly lost my front teeth but thanks to my braces they were saved although I later had to have surgery to pull them back forward in my mouth and had a wire brace along my gum line, the wires and brackets on my braces were broken, and I had 2 broken teeth on the right side of my mouth one on top and one on bottom that had broke clear through the root and had to be extracted. I had a bruise from ear to ear under my chin, and my bottom lip was busted open and swollen.

For the first day I was in the hospital I was being told that everyone had been dispersed to different hospitals and they didn't know anything other than that. Apparently when my Dad had arrived to the hospital they explained to him what had happened but ask that he not tell me until I was in more stable condition. Conveniently the TV in my room didn't work (I think they unplugged it) so I couldn't turn on the news and no one would give me a newspaper. Everytime a nurse came into my room I'd ask if they knew anything and I always got the same response that they would let me know as soon as they knew something. Finally on the 2nd day they couldn't keep it from me anymore, so my Dad stood at the side of my hospital bed holding my hand and said "Jared is ok, he's in the hospital with 2 broken legs, a bruised spleen, and some burns..... but no everyone was as lucky as you..." and that was it. I knew what he meant without saying it and I said "both of them?" and he said "yes". I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Melissa was my bestest friend, the one and only friend I felt I only ever needed in my life. After my rough childhood, moving around, the custody change and trying to find myself in a new school and a new life with my Dad and struggling she was the light in my life that showed me true friendship to its fullest. We did everything together, she wouldn't go anywhere without me. Melissa was the kind of person that just brought joy to anyone who knew her, you couldn't help but love her. Her boyfriend was a great guy as well, he was such a sweetheart and had become a good friend to me as well. Losing them was a real stab to the heart. I later found out we had had a tire blow out and Kalid had lost control
and we went straight across the grassy median on the highway, hit 2 trucks head on,
flipped over several times, landed upside down and caught fire. 20 or
so people stopped to help us and pulled Jared and I from the van, Melissa and Kalid had died on impact and had burned beyond recognition in the fire..


I was released after 3 days in the hospital and had a 6 month physical recovery time, but nothing compares to my broken heart :( I think about Melissa all the time, her Mom has been the only mother figure in my life for the last 10 years and is a huge part in helping me with my wedding, her sister is also my maid of honor and having her up there with me represents such an important part of my life.

A few days after my return home from the hospital my Dad took me out to get another cat, I had been wanting one for awhile because our cat had taken a liking to him and not me, and he felt it would help me through the rough road ahead. We ended up adopting my cat Tiger from Petsmart, she was 4 months old and a beautiful golden brown tabby. She was so special to me as she provided comfort and companionship during a very difficult time for me. She slept with me in the recliner everyday, and many nights I'd wake up to her licking my face. When I finally moved out of my Dad's I couldn't take her with me and didn't want to take her from the only home she ever knew, but I paid visits to her and she always would come up on my lap purring. In early December of 07' she suddenly became ill and my Dad took her to the vet. She was very weak and her blood pressure was very low. The vet didn't treat it as the emergency that it was and didn't get my Dad the blood test results until 2pm the next day! Her immune system was attacking her blood platelets and her blood count was deathly low. They gave my Dad some medication but after one dose she passed away in my old bedroom by her cat tree :o( I rushed to the vet and met up with my Dad and just held her in my arms and cried. I cried for about 3 days straight, I would wake up in the morning sobbing. It was all so sudden and she was only about 10 years old so it was unexpected. I felt like someone ripped my heart out. I've only been over to my Dad's a few times since she passed because it's hard to go over there and see her box of ashes sitting on the fire place with her picture :o(

Also in 2005 when I was living in Georgia for a couple of years I got a call from Melissa's mom, I had recently gotten back in touch with Jared. We had kind of gone our own paths after the accident trying to cope as best we could, we saw each other a few times but hadn't talked much. He had had to have his right leg amputated just below his knee after the accident and a year later played football our Senior year in high school with a prosthetic leg. He was a true inspirtation to many. I had spoken to him on the phone for a couple of hours catching up and had let him know I was going to be back in CA visiting soon so we needed to get together. He told me he was going to Puerto Rico for a wedding so he wouldn't be in town unfortunately but that there would be a "next time". Well... next time never came. He drowned in a flash flood while in Puerto Rico, I drove home from work and just sobbed. He was an amazing guy that touched so many and he was always so positive. I had known him since we were in 6th grade! We had survived such a horrific accident together and now he was gone too.

It's been kind of surreal how everything has happened, and it has changed my life in so many ways. The same year I lost Tiger just a few weeks prior we also had lost my FH's grandfather. He had been progressively getting weaker from years of Diabetes to the point he couldn't stand on his own anymore. A few time FH and I had to run over to their house because he'd fallen out of his wheelchair in the hallway and couldn't get up. His last few weeks were spent in a hospital bed in their spare bedroom with a hospice coming in to care for him. He used to always have so many great stories about his time served during WWII, he was so passionate about things he did and saw. I still miss hearing his stories. When we got the call that he had passed away it wasn't a total surprise because we knew it was coming, it was really bitter sweet. We were glad he wasn't in pain anymore but sad that he was gone. We rushed over and said our goodbyes before the people from the morgue came to take his body away. I feel so blessed that I was able to get to know him before he passed, he was a wonderful man and I he really loved his family.

That's my story, it's crazy how things can change our life in an instant.

edit: I wanted to add a few pictures :o)

This is me and Melissa (I'm in the middle, and she's in the white shirt) the day after we graduated from 8th grade.


Here we are in Virginia City, NV when we were 15

Melissa and Kalid only months before the accident at Melissa's mom's wedding shower


Me and Melissa at her Mom's wedding months before the accident


This was my princess Tiger


This was a picture from an article about Jared playing football with his prosthetic leg our senior year of high school




And this was the picture published in the newspaper of the van after the accident...




__________________________________

Engaged: January 1, 2008
Getting Married: September 19, 2009


Edited by: 2009ToBeMrsV on Jun 1, 2009 5:36 PM
Edited by: 2009ToBeMrsV on Jun 1, 2009 5:48 PM

Edited by: 2009ToBeMrsV on Jun 2, 2009 7:42 PM

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 2, 2009 7:34 PM Go to message in response to: 2009ToBeMrsV

Well thanks to everyone for all the great comments,kind words,etc. Very helpful, I mean that.
And even though I told you in person, those of you who sent me a card or whatever else, my sincere thanks. I still cant beleive just how genuinely awesome some of the girls on these boards reallyare.

MrsV,you sure have been through some traumatic stuff,thats horrible about your friend and all the stuff that hapepned as a result of it. Wow. Again, stories like that just make me evenmore sure in my own mind anyway, that life is random. things that happen are random. Just anopinion..

Change of topic here ...organ donors. Kevins mother was one, and her sudden death brought up the topic between me and my DH. He is also one. The idea of it used to scare me, beause beign an organ donor means that deathis DEFINATELY final, at leastin the sense of the physical body. But, on our 4hour drive to My parents house this wknd, dh and i talked a lot about death, life, organ donation, etc. And I started to think that for a death like my friend Kevins mom, where she was only 58, it was random, sudden,and a tragic thing... (vs. someone like my Nana whowas 85 and lived a full life. Still incredibly sad etc, of course, but thenaturalprogression of things...)---with kevins mom being an organ donor, if that was my mom who died at such a young age, I would be trying to make some sort of sense of it all. Why? Why her etc? Thefact that literally pieces of her could be used to SAVE someone elses life ....that would make me feel SOME sort of peace, like, it would give herdeath a bit of meaning. I just started thinking about what a beautiful thing it is to be an organ donor...I just think its soooo awesome. I need to make sure I get my license changedsoon to reflect that.

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luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 3, 2009 4:29 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kel- I'm an organ donar, and believe that both my kids have indicated that they want to be also. My thought is if I can't be saved, I would hope that my gift of an organ could help someone else. One of my dear friends passed away at 52 while waiting for a heart/lung transplant.

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 6, 2009 10:52 AM Go to message in response to: luvathena

Luva,thats horrible about your friend. if only more people would become donors, you know? Im definately going to do it now, after the talk I had with DH on that car ride home. Theres just no reason not to, other than fear of the unknown. I dont know, it scares me, but I think its one of the greatest things a person can do.

Im missing my Nana today. Im so glad the next big holiday is far away, because its going to be very weird not having her there on Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Especially Christmas.




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MrsSy Posts : 504 Registered: 7/6/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 6, 2009 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

My cousin send me this picture of my Uncle and My Godmother. This is was the last time he went to Puerto Rico to visit the family


Can't wait to be Mrs. Snyder

 




 

 

Proud Member of the P.O.O.P.

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Mrslinnben Posts : 2,285 Registered: 6/4/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 7, 2009 3:14 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Kelly, my one grandmother passed away about 20 years ago (her husband & my grandfather passed away about 15 years ago), and my other grandmother (her husband & my grandfatehr & mom's dad passed away when my mom was around 18) passed away about 5 years ago, I missed them all so much, but when they come to me in my dreams, or look at a picture of them, it gives me such a warm feeling and I can hear their voices.

Now, organ donation, I'm signed up and not for 1 organ, but all of them and are usable after I die. It's just who I am, to help someone else. I figure, I'm not going to use them anymore, and if I can prolong anyone elses life, even for 1 more day, then take the organ, I'm dead & don't need it anymore.

MrsSnyder, I love the pic of your uncle & godmother...they look like such warm hearted & caring people

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 11, 2009 12:32 AM Go to message in response to: Mrslinnben

Those of you who know me, know that I am Christian and I am very secure in my beliefs. I have real beliefs about what happens to people after they die. And to be honest, as a Christian, I believe God intended for us to have these belifs in order to comfort us.
I have experienced a lot of loss...great aunt at 8, my father when I was 11, my paternal grandfather at 13, adoptive grandmother at 14, pastor and great grandfather at 17, a few years ago I had 11 deaths in my family in one year including one of my favorite uncles and his 18 year old son (separate incidents), and just this February I lost my mom's baby brother and it felt like losing my dad all over again. But I do believe that these person's were saved and because of that I believe that I will see them again. That is my only comfort. That is how I make it from day-to-day and not fall apart.
I also believe that they come and visit me. Both my adoptive grandmother and my uncle who passed away in February have come to me in dreams and told me that they were ok (which is ironic bc when my adoptive grandmother passed away, my uncle and I had the EXACT same dream). Occassionally, I feel the presence of my father and paternal grandfather...it comes as a really cold breeze. But it isn't scary, just comforting.
There are times when I miss them like crazy. In fact, when my uncle died I thought I would lose my mind. He was a veteran and when we left the cemetary I felt as though we were leaving him. I feel the tears burning in my throat just thinking about it.
Anyway, death is the only certain thing in this life. And I believe that everyone must find something to hold on to in order to deal with the loss. I believe it was MsD who said something about death not being about the person who died, but rather those who remained...I completely agree. I remember standing over my father's grave after they'd lowered his body into the ground (they don't do that anymore, I think it's too dramatic for the family). My great uncle looked at me and told me not to cry because I was crying for myself and not for my dad. Well, no duh!! Because here I am 17 years later, getting married and looking for someone to step in and walk me down the aisle. My mom is looking for someone to help her, help us pay for this wedding...and there is no one. A few years back, when we were almost homeless...no one was there. So yes, I was crying for myself, because my life has been forever changed. I've missed out on some much because he's not here.
Anyway, ladies, I'm done...but I needed to get that out.

I haven't read over this, so it might be all over the place..tell me if you need clarification.

This is not my attempt to "convert" anyone to Christianity, I just wanted to let you know what helps me deal.

Time most certainly does not heal all wounds, it just makes them a little easier to bare.

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 15, 2009 1:29 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Hello. Okay, so still on the death topic but a bit lighter, has anyone seen the TV show called "1,000 Ways to Die??" Its on either Spike TV or TrueTv, I forget which one, but me and DH looove it. Like I said, Im a bit obsessed with death, and this show takes real life situations/weird ways that people have actually died and reanacts them and kind of mocks them lol. Like, one example is a bunch of rednecks hangin out getting drunk off their asses, and lighting fireworks,and the one guy sticks his head inside this cannonlike thingy where the fireworks come out of, and basically blew off his own face lol. Another guy was a Kids party clown for a living, and had this dumb gigantic blowup thing that he used as a prop for his shows,and he put it in the backseat and somehow it inflated and soffocated him against his own car window. Its weirdass stuff like that they show, just random strange deaths, usually resulting in people acting like dumbasses but not alaways, sometimes just really bad luck. Anyway, Im obsessed with that show.

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Bally Posts : 355 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 10:39 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Didn't know where else to post this. But my mum's wee dog was killed by a car last night :( He was only a year old this month. A man hit him and drove on but other people stopped and took him off the road and carried him home to my mum. I feel so bad for her. And I feel so bad that I can't be with her :(


But seriously, who the hell kills someone's dog and just drives on? I hope he gets super blistering herpes sores for that.
 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: Bally

Bally,that is AWFUL,so sorry to hear that. When I was a kid, we had two dogs, at different times. BOTH of them were killed by drivers who didnt stop, kept going, and left them for dead. Thefirst dog Tara was killed by a motorcycle,the second one Tory was killed by a car. I will never understand how any person with a soul could run over an animal and then just drive on and leave it there for dead. How do these people sleep at night? Its disgusting! And he was just a lil pup too,thats sooo sad,your poor mom. I too, hope whoever ran that dog over suffers with lifelong ridiculously painful and embarassing warts and boils all over their anal region so they cant even sit down. People like that seriously astound me.

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 11:27 AM Go to message in response to: Bally

awww Bally sorry about the doggie :(

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: The DEATH Thread ...
Posted: Jun 19, 2009 12:16 PM Go to message in response to: Bally

I'm sorry Bally about your doggie :( Why do people have to be so cruel?! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that were me. I would have stopped and helped the poor animal. But some people just don't care. I know what your mom is going through now, poor thing.
                              

 

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