When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)

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soon2bMrsSsgtCo... Posts : 7 Registered: 4/9/09
When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 14, 2009 8:11 PM

My Fiance is a US Marine. At the beginning of January I moved from Missouri (where he was a recruiter, thats how we met) to California where he was being stationed. We have been together almost a year and he proposed to me about a week ago. He had to leave for field op for two weeks the next day so we havent been able to talk about it much. He leaves to go to Afghanistan in March of 2010 for 7 months. Both of us agree that we dont want a wedding when its snowing, so the latest we could have it is about september (october at the VERY latest) because we are having it in Missouri. Our main concern is whether or not we should wait until he comes back from Afhanistan or not. He would be home in September of 2010 and we would have the money to have whatever we want for our wedding, which is a huge plus. However, im scared that if something happens (I pray that it wont, but just to be realistic) to him we will regret not having the wedding before he leaves. Should we sacrifice the things we want for ourselves and our wedding to be sure that we have one? On the other hand, a long engagement would not only give us time and money but make his mom feel a lil better about the whole thing since he's been divorced before. PLEASE HELP with and suggestions or just your thoughts on the matter!!

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 16, 2009 12:18 PM Go to message in response to: soon2bMrsSsgtCo...

You can either get married now at town hall or somewhere and have a small wedding afterwards with family and friends, or get married now at town hall and then have a big wedding when he gets back in 2010, or you can not get married now and just get married and have your big wedding when he gets back. If that were me I would get married now and then have something small with family and friends and then a few years later have a vow renewal. It's up to you :)
                              

 

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soon2bMrsSsgtCo... Posts : 7 Registered: 4/9/09
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 16, 2009 1:02 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

we thought about doing the Justice of the Peace thing this September then having the big wedding on the one year mark. The only problem with that is that we feel like most ppl who wait to have a wedding til after there technically married usually end up not having one at all. We def want to a have BIG wedding because he didnt do that with his first marriage and he doesnt want to regret it with ours and its my first.. (and only, god willing) so we think it should be big.

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 16, 2009 1:03 PM Go to message in response to: soon2bMrsSsgtCo...

Well if my Fh and i were in that situation I would say do something very small now and get married and then have a vow renewal later on down the road. it really depnds on the two of you. I don't know you all that well so I can't say what would work for you.

As we grow older, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change about me, I will keep falling in love with you all over again every single day

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DoesntPlayNice Posts : 809 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 16, 2009 1:41 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

I would wait. Been there done that. (I was the one deployed)


You can PM me if you would like more information or insight on this...but I am warning you I have a tendancy to be brutally honest and you may not like what you hear.

Previously Posted as Military Bride.

Back from Iraq and ready to switch out the ACU's for a Wedding Dress!


Edited by: DoesntPlayNice on Apr 16, 2009 12:45 PM

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August28th Posts : 153 Registered: 1/28/09
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 7:18 PM Go to message in response to: soon2bMrsSsgtCo...

Hey! Well, I understand somewhat where you're coming from. My FH is currently deployed in the Army Reserves and he will be back next month sometime (YAY!!!) and then we're getting married in August. We got engaged in January while he was on R & R, so I'm in a different situation than you. But from my point of view, I find it to be rather stressful planning a wedding and parts of our future lives together (where we live, what gifts to register for etc.) without him here. I know most grooms aren't into the details and aren't into weddings, but it is nice to have him for support and encouragement, and giving opinions, because who knows, he may really want a say in the cake! Planning a wedding and having him deployed at the same time may add extra stress to the situation and your relationship so I would recommend having it before he goes. I understand the money thing may be tight now (in the same boat there!) but when he gets back in September you'll be able to start your lives together and put the money to something else that's just as fun. Anyway, whatever you decide to do, it's your wedding and enjoy planning it and having it!!!

True love is like a ghost which many talk about but few have ever seen.

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 7:47 PM Go to message in response to: soon2bMrsSsgtCo...

Hi Voeltz. My husband and I were also in a tricky situation regarding timing. I am Canadian and came to USA on a fiance visa which required we marry within 90 days or I would be deported. We chose a simple ceremony for 2 just six days after I arrived. We dressed up but there were no fixings (flowers, cake, photographer, music). We refer to this as our legal ceremony. Just less than a year later we had another ceremony which we refer to as our family ceremony where we had guests, a photographer, flowers etc. We felt this was the right decision for us, all our immediate family attended even though they all have to travel, some of them quite a distance.

If you aren't sure which route to take I would suggest a few things to consider

1. find out what your legal rights would be as a wife of a Marine and as a fiance of a Marine. I suspect there is quite a difference and this could affect your decision.
2. Talk to your families and see how they feel about this. Its a lot easier to plan a second ceremony if you know you have your families support and that they will attend.

You can refer to this as a vow renewal if you like. We opted not too as it didn't feel like a renewal but a continuation. One of the great things about this route is that we were able to do what we wanted at our second ceremony and because we were legally married we had our families marry us and they all participated in our 'unity candelabra'. Although it was a second ceremony it was incredibly emotional and we have no regrets. Good luck whatever you decide.

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MrsRicecake Posts : 700 Registered: 2/2/08
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 20, 2009 3:45 PM Go to message in response to: soon2bMrsSsgtCo...

Hey there! I am a Marine wife and we are stationed at Camp Pendleton...is that were you guys are or Mirimar? What does he do, is it a safe job or is he more in the line of fire?

I totally know where you are coming from. My brother is also a Marine and was the Best Man. So I not only had to work around DH's schedule but I also had to work around my brothers schedule! Actually about a week before the wedding DH still hadnt had his leave secured and they were telling him that he wasnt going to be able to come home...talk about heart attack! LOL!

As a Marine wife you have the benefits while he is gone. You will get BAH, seperation pay, if anything should happen you are his beneficiary and the POA. As a Marine fiance you dont get any of that. I know this because we wanted me to be his beneficiary and POA while we were just engaged, but they have to be imidiate family. That is something that you should consider.

Personally, I would get married before he leaves. I would do the whole shebang! There are a lot of resources on base that you can use. You can get married at one of the chapels on base and have the reception at the enlisted club, Staff NCO clud or the officer's club. I dont know his rank, and Im not sure how to go about getting all the info, but I have heard of it and last weekend there was a wedding on base, I kept seeing signs for it! LOL!

Married Since December 27, 2008!

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soon2bMrsSsgtCo... Posts : 7 Registered: 4/9/09
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Apr 20, 2009 11:56 PM Go to message in response to: MrsRicecake

we are stationed at pendleton but our wedding is going to be in Missouri so that his family doesnt have to travel as far and my family wont have to travel at all. He's a staff sergeant and makes enough pay that we dont have to worry about the money aspect of it. His job normally isnt too bad but he's being deployed as infantry like he has the other times. I think were going to wait til he gets home that way we have a long engagement and we dont have to stress about it all. He would rather wait so that his marine buddies that will be in the wedding party have PLENTY of time to get travel and time off and all that cuz some of them are in Hawaii and things like that. Thanks so much tho. Were not 100% on our decision but thats what its looking like.

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wzq103 Posts : 1,190 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: When should the wedding be? (He's being deployed)
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 6:01 PM Go to message in response to: soon2bMrsSsgtCo...

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