issues with location--please help!

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 5

FarmersBride Posts : 3 Registered: 3/12/09
issues with location--please help!
Posted: Mar 12, 2009 6:35 PM

My fiance and I have been engaged for about 4 years, which to me has seemed like forever, and we've really been having some issues about the location of our wedding.
He's from South Carolina, I'm from Minnesota.
See the problem?

I was talking with him last night about planning the "big day", and he said there would be NO WAY that his family would be able to come up north for the wedding; his issue was that "it would take 3 jumbo jets to get them all there" (which is quite an exaggeration, but he does have a rather large family). And I've asked him if he could just invite a few, close family members, and I would do the same, but he wants to have a big wedding; and furthermore he tells me that his relatives would "just show up", which does upset me a little bit--I would like to know who is attending in advance so that there's just not a whole bunch of random distant relatives creating chaos.

My issue is that I can't afford to have all my family and friends that want to attend the wedding go south, and I would feel uncomfortable asking them to pay for their own bus/plane/train tickets to get to SC. Not to mention paying for hotel rooms and other expenses. And I don't think it's fair to me that I would only get to have a small portion of my family and friends attend when his relatives are popping out of the wood-work, so to speak.

I'm just very confused and concerned about what to do, because it's a bit difficult to try to plan a wedding when you don't even know where the wedding is going to be at...

Any advise?

Edited by: FarmersBride on Mar 12, 2009 6:37 PM

Reply


BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: issues with location--please help!
Posted: Mar 12, 2009 6:38 PM Go to message in response to: FarmersBride

Those dilemas are never fun. Have you guys thought about a destination wedding or picking a location somewhere in between? The other option would be to have 2 receptions....one in your hometown and the other in his hometown...but then again...that'd be a hassle too.

Maybe you can both write down a list of possible locations and see which ones you agree on.

Just Married...9.20.08

Formerly BenjaminsBride 

 

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: issues with location--please help!
Posted: Mar 12, 2009 6:59 PM Go to message in response to: FarmersBride

Dear FB,

Sometimes it's good to just go with tradition.

Tradition tells us that the bride gets married in her hometown. Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding and reception as a "final gift" to their daughter, who will now be supported by a husband instead of a father. Traditionally, the groom travels to the bride's hometown for the wedding, then takes her to her new home.

If the groom is from someplace different, the groom's family can put on a Second Reception in their home town so their friends and family can meet and felicitate the happy couple.

Yeah, I know it's sexist. But you might consider using Tradition, even if you are paying for the wedding yourself, as a tie-breaker. You can't make everyone happy.

Alternatives such as getting married halfway between (Missouri?) are not that attractive, in my opinion. Planning would be a nightmare, and everyone would have to travel. It's just as much a hassle to travel from S Carolina to Missouri as to go the rest of the way.

Reply

FarmersBride Posts : 3 Registered: 3/12/09
Re: issues with location--please help!
Posted: Mar 12, 2009 7:06 PM Go to message in response to: BenjaminsWife

I have thought about doing the two receptions, and that would be a bit tricky. Although, my thought on it would be to have the wedding in SC in October, and then have the other reception in MN sometime in December or early January, when everyone would be together for the holiday season anyway. That way it wouldn't be too much of a hassle to get all my family together.

Maybe?

I had thought about a destination wedding, but never really put too much thought into it, but now I'm thinking it doesn't sound too bad. I'll bring the topic up with the FH, I'm just wondering if he'll go for it or not because the issue of his family getting to whatever destination we agree on might come up again. He is very stubborn.

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: issues with location--please help!
Posted: Mar 12, 2009 9:09 PM Go to message in response to: FarmersBride

Dear FB,

There's nothing wrong with two receptions, especially when the bride's family and the groom's family are so far apart. Look at it this way. In years past, when travel was time-consuming, expensive and even mildly dangerous, the second reception was the norm.

In the nineteenth century it was common for the newlyweds to go on a "wedding tour" instead of today's honeymoon. They would go visiting relatives, spending a few days with each. That way the relatives could meet the new family member without having to travel. The newlyweds would do all the traveling.

This was common in well-to-do upper class families where a newly married man could be absent from his job for several months.

(sarcasm) Wow, doesn't that sound great? (/sarcasm) Visiting a long series of relatives, staying in guestrooms, sleeping on a fold-out hide-a-bed and sharing the bathroom with the young cousins for your honeymoon? Count your lucky stars you don't have to do that!!!

I think your two receptions plan is best, all things considered.

Reply

FarmersBride Posts : 3 Registered: 3/12/09
Re: issues with location--please help!
Posted: Mar 12, 2009 9:35 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Haha, yes that sounds just perfect...(¬__¬);;

Thank you so much for your advise :) it is much appreciated!!

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine