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Closed Reception

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Whittrocks777 Posts : 1 Registered: 1/19/08
Closed Reception
Posted: Jan 28, 2009 11:08 AM

Because of finacial issues I am having a closed reception, most everyone knows that, that I'm going to invite but I would still like to put it on the invitations but I don't know how to word it. Anybody know how or have some suggestions?

wording , invitation , etiquette , closed_reception
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XYZ1 Posts : 367 Registered: 1/7/08
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Jan 28, 2009 11:19 AM Go to message in response to: Whittrocks777

Whitney, what do you mean by a "closed reception"? Does that mean you're having a much smaller guest list for the reception than for the ceremony? Are you trying to find wording that will let guests at the ceremony know you won't be able to host them at the reception? (If that's the case, my advice would be to not mention the reception at all on the invitations. It seems a bit weird to send someone an invitation saying "please come to the ceremony, but you're not invited to the reception.")

colorado , wording , july_2009 , invitation , etiquette , closed_reception
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Jan 28, 2009 11:37 AM Go to message in response to: Whittrocks777

I also don't have any idea what a 'closed reception' is or why you would be telling people that they are not invited. Wouldn't they get the idea that they're not invited when they don't receive an invitation?

Or do you mean that you want to invite a lot of people to the ceremony, but not invite them all to the reception? Bad idea. I would limit the ceremony invitations to people that you can also invite to the reception. Why would you invite someone to the ceremony and then expect them to go home rather than joining you at the reception? Once the ceremony-only people start talking to the other guests, you're in for a mess. They might think that their reception invitation was inadvertently omitted and show up at the reception anyway. Or they might be pissed that others were invited to the reception, but they were not. (If I was invited to a wedding, I would assume that I was also invited to the reception. If there was no reception info on the invitation, I'd think it was accidentally left out and I'd probably call you or a family member of yours and ask. I think this is a pretty logical reaction, so you'll probably get a lot of awkward questions from people who don't understand.)

DaisypathWedding Ticker

wording , invitation , etiquette , closed_reception
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Jan 28, 2009 4:56 PM Go to message in response to: Whittrocks777

dear Whitney,

If you don't want random guests-of-guests showing up at your reception, then only need to write the exact names of the invited guests on the invitation, then watch the RSVP cards carefully.

If you, for example, invite Homer and Marge Simpson and they RSVP for 5, then you call them up and politely indicate that only two were invited.

"Hello, Marge? I just got your RSVP card for our wedding. I'm very happy you are able to come, but I'm wondering who these extra 3 people are? We only invited you and Homer."

"We're bringing Lisa, Bart and Maggie."

"I'm sorry, that's impossible. We cannot accomodate any more than our official guest list. Will you and Homer still be able to attend if it's just the two of you, or should I put you down as having declined? I'd love to see the kids, but some other time."

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Jan 28, 2009 11:09 PM Go to message in response to: Whittrocks777

I, too, am unclear about what you mean by a "closed reception". I agree with the PP who said it is a bad idea if you are talking about inviting a bunch of people to the ceremony but fewer to the reception- it looks like a gift grab, honestly. However, I am wondering if you are talking about having no "and guests" and just wanting the people you invited to come and not bring a bunch of random dates that you have to pay for. That is perfectly acceptable and is easy enough to do. I won't go into the details of it here, though, just in case I'm wrong! :)

october_2006 , wording , invitation , etiquette , closed_reception
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help2009 Posts : 4 Registered: 4/5/08
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 3:54 PM Go to message in response to: Whittrocks777

I too have a similar problem. There are several people who want to invite themselves to the wedding and know that we are in a financial hardship. These people are ok with not coming to the reception. It will be for family only. Was wondering how you write that on the invite since the wedding and reception are at the same location. Lots of people have been trying to invite themselves and have even said they would show up even if they don't get an invite, not sure what to do.
Undecided

etiquette , closed_reception , august_2009 , wording , georgia , invitation
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Mar 3, 2009 11:24 PM Go to message in response to: help2009

Dear H2009,

"Was wondering how you write that on the invite since the wedding and reception "

You address the invitation to the exact people you wish to invite.

If a wedding ceremony takes place in a church, you (usually) cannot prevent anyone from attending. Most churches are open to everyone, after all. It's God's House and you don't have bouncers at His door.

(There are exceptions, of course. If a wedding is in a LDS temple, only LDS members may enter.)

You can, however, set up the reception as a private party and only allow invited guests in the room. Anyone who just "shows up" can be asked, politely then firmly, to leave.

If the ceremony is in anywhere other than a house of worship, then you can keep non-invited people out. You just need a gatekeeper at the door with a list of invited guests.

Usually wedding planners are good at this. They don't personally know any of the guests, so they can say "Beat it, Bub" without too much fuss. You can hire a "day of" wedding planner for that very purpose.

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help2009 Posts : 4 Registered: 4/5/08
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 9:21 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Our wedding is taking place in an old Victorian style home in the downtown area that we live. We were trying to keep it as cheap as possible since I have recently lost my job due to bankruptcy. I don't think people will "crash" the party and don't mind them coming for the wedding, but we just can't afford to many people at the reception. The people who want to come are co-workers of my FH and have been working with him for years but are more associates then friends. I don't want to make anyone mad and they are nice people. As I said before most of them are ok with not coming to the reception, they just want to see my FH finally get married. So on the invites I'm not sure how to word it at the bottom that it would be family only for the reception. I had one friend suggest this... "Thank you for celebrating our wedding with us. We ask that you respect our wish for a family-only reception following the wedding." Any more suggestions would be great. Thanks.


Undecided

georgia , august_2009
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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 11:59 AM Go to message in response to: help2009

Dear Help,

You can avoid any awkward wording of the ceremony and reception invitation by ONLY sending invitations to those who are also invited to the reception. Decide who you want at the reception (and are willing to pay for), then just invite them to the whole she-bang.

Send nothing to the others. Nothing. They are not invited. Period.

If uninvited people show up for the ceremony, you have the option of booting them out or allowing them to stay for the ceremony, just as you have the option of letting uninvited guests into your own home or telling them to leave. (You have this option because the ceremony is not in a house of worship.)

You may certainly boot them out when the reception starts.

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XYZ1 Posts : 367 Registered: 1/7/08
Re: Closed Reception
Posted: Mar 4, 2009 12:28 PM Go to message in response to: help2009

After some more thought, I think the best way to handle this is not to send "ceremony only" invitations at all. Send invitations only to the family members and close friends you plan to have at the reception. The idea of sending someone an invitation to tell them that they're not invited to the reception strikes me as a bit awkward, with lots of potential to offend people.

For co-workers or others who want to see the ceremony, I think word-of-mouth is fine -- you can say something like "we could only invite family to the reception, but if you would like to see the ceremony, it's at X time at X church and you are more than welcome to join us there." I've also heard of couples putting an announcement in the church bulletin when they want to welcome members of the congregation at their ceremony. If your ceremony and reception are at the same location, however, you might want to avoid even doing that -- otherwise you're going to put yourself in a situation that's ripe for reception-crashing. Good luck!

colorado , july_2009 , georgia , august_2009
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