When is he going to ask already

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hisbridetobe Posts : 2 Registered: 1/8/09
When is he going to ask already
Posted: Jan 10, 2009 1:47 PM

ok... hes been telling me that hes going ask for about six months now and telling how he wants pick out the silverware together and wants to come home and find me there (we dont live together) and still... im i just getting ahead of my self? i mean i know we've only been together a little over a year but still... it was his idea and then he got my hopes up... not really sure what to do. i mean he's even told me what day he wants to get married and that all thats left is to ask... its just so strange

Edited by: middlebury on Jan 10, 2009 1:48 PM

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: When is he going to ask already
Posted: Jan 10, 2009 2:12 PM Go to message in response to: hisbridetobe

How old are you two? Is marriage a possibility right now, or is this talk about some future time? There's no way that anyone here can tell you when he's going to pop the question. If he's been doing all this talking, then instead of waiting around passively, why don't you discuss with him what your plans as a couple are for the future, including a timeline. This does not mean that he has to give you an exact date and time that he will present you with a ring. But, it does mean that you are looking at your future and deciding what time frame is right for you. I notice that you've even posted a wedding date--where did that come from? If you have a date, then what you're lacking is a ring. Is the date for real, or is that just wishful thinking?
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

Edited by: myra on Jan 10, 2009 2:13 PM

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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: When is he going to ask already
Posted: Jan 10, 2009 3:05 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I'm confused as to whether you have decided on a date or just he mentioned a day that he would like. Since you have set November 6, 2010 for your account, if you are actually planning to get married on that day and have decided that together, then you are engaged in my book, just without the ring.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: When is he going to ask already
Posted: Jan 10, 2009 3:40 PM Go to message in response to: hisbridetobe

Myra, the date on her profile is probably just filler. I think you're required to enter a wedding date to create an account, so she probably entered a random date. OP, if this is true and you want to avoid confusion when you post, you can just edit your profile and make your wedding date private, so it doesn't show up on your posts.

Anyway, Myra gave you some good advice. Sit down and talk about your future plans, with a timeline. That way, you'll know whether he is talking about the near future, or five years from now. Particularly if you're very young (you look pretty young in your profile photo, but I'm a bad judge of age), he may be talking about several years in the future - and you certainly don't want to spend that time stressing over whether he's going to ask you every day.

It's normal to talk about marriage and make some sort of tenative timeline before getting engaged. DH and I started talking about our future about four years before getting engaged. We were clear on what we wanted to accomplish as individuals before getting married, and the amount of time we expected it to take. The result was deciding that we'd get married when I reached a certain landmark on the way to my long-term goal. So neither of us ever stressed over when or how soon we'd get married. When I reached the point we had decided on, we got engaged and got married a year later.

It shouldn't be a surprise that someone is going to propose. Ideally, the couple should have discussed marriage and their future goals before anybody buys a ring or gets down on one knee. When to get engaged/married is not just the man's decision - it's your decision AS A COUPLE. By passively listening to him talk and waiting for him to propose, you're putting the decision entirely in his hands. Speak up and let him know what YOU want. Discuss it together, and come up with a good general time to get engaged. The proposal itself can be a surprise - but you should have some input on whether it comes next week or three years from now.

Alternatively, he could be assuming that you're already engaged. If you've talked and decided to get married - and he's even suggesting dates! - he might consider you to be engaged, even though there has been no formal proposal or ring. A dramatic proposal and fancy ring aren't necessary to get engaged - all you need are two people making the decision to get married. It's fine if you WANT the ring and proposal, but just make sure that you're both on the same page about it. He might not think it's necessary - so if you think it is, you should let him know.

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