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Stay at home wife?

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luckymebride Posts : 125 Registered: 12/7/08
Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 16, 2008 12:54 AM

Hi, I'm not married yet but I will be getting married next year in August. My question is, are there any stay at home wife or fiancee out there? So I have always been the type that enjoys works and staying busy at all time...however, after almost 3 yrs on a job that I loved...I got laid off! I've now been unemployed for 3+ months and could not find another job. Good news is that I'm currently collecting unemployment and doesn't feel too stress as of yet. So my fiance has a decent paying job and said I do not need to work. I feel very fortunate that my FH can take care of me financially, emotionally and physically...but right now, I still have to pay half of rent and a wedding to pay for on our own....Anyways, I am not sure what's my point is on this post but I would like to hear if there are any of stay-at-home wives or fiancee out there? I would personally love to stay at home if I have a new born baby but I have no kids and I honesty does not know what to do with myself...I really have no problem of not working if I didn't have to pay such a high rent but I am still in search of a job and feeling a little depress with this sort of economy. I guess any stories of anyone out there that's also not working and happy will makes me feel a little better. I just feel so alone and useless at home. Any thought?

northern_california , august_2009
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Nalamienea Posts : 2,930 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 16, 2008 7:00 PM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

I'm a full-time student, so I don't work... but I understand what you're getting at. It's hard to be alone and just wait there for FH/ Hubby to get home and then you want to POUNCE and be energetic but he's tired and icky because he just got home. I understand. :)

Maybe you could take an online class to keep you busy? Even if you find a job you could probably still do one class. :) Take something fun or something in your field... might be nice.


IMG_7875.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

northern_california , virginia , october_2008 , august_2009
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TheFutureMrsL Posts : 59 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 16, 2008 10:49 PM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

I'd love to say I was a stay at home fiance being that I currently hate my job but I'm not. I actually don't know any good example of someone that is. FH's mom never worked after she and his dad got married but she's pretty much not a good person so that's not a good example.
I'm sure even if you can't find a job you'll find a way to keep yourself busy. Have you only looked for a full time job? Part-time jobs may be easier to come by and then if it's something simple like a gas station or book store it would keep yoou busy and get a few extra bucks in your pocket for rent or the wedding so that you don't have to feel bad about that.

northern_california , august_2009 , minnesota , july_2010
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MrsMcDAtLast Posts : 860 Registered: 1/1/07
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 17, 2008 5:17 PM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

I am a stay-at-home wife, but by choice. I worked in retail for several years, starting right after high school, and hated it. My AMAZING husband (fiance at the time) agreed to let me quit my job because of me coming home so stressed and upset all the time (plus in retail, I really wasn't going anywhere).
I got another part-time job (another somewhat-better retail job) a few months later when we wound up moving into a place with higher rent in order to help pay for our wedding. Wonderful hubby agreed to let me quit this one as well 2 months after our wedding so I wouldn't have to be in retail during the holiday season.
The plan is for me to eventually get some more education so that I can actually have a fulfilling, useful career (I think I'll probably look into nursing). I do very much wish to be a stay-at-home mom when we start a family in a couple of years, though.
Currently I am working extremely part-time for my church (like 5-10 hours a MONTH), and pick up a little child care for people I know here and there.
I actually really love being at home during the day, and especially being home to greet DH when he gets home from work, so I guess I'm not much help in relating to wanting to work. :(
What might help is realizing the good things about being at home: You might be more motivated to do housework, and therefore have a nicer, cleaner home (I was totally unmotivated to clean house when I was working). Also it is really nice to light some candles, maybe make some dinner, and give your hubby a kiss as he comes in the door. :)
I also think, if you're looking for things to keep you occupied, that the idea of taking an online course is a good one! Maybe in something that you've always been interested in, that you've never had a chance to study before?
I hope everything works out for you. Good luck! :)

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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 17, 2008 8:26 PM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

How do YOU feel about this? It sounds like you'd rather find a job, so I'd consider this situation to be temporary and focus your energies on finding a new job.

Job searches can be VERY frustrating. Personally, I've been lucky in that area, but DH had a HELL of a time finding a job here in DC. If you can't find another job right away, is it possible for you to intern or volunteer (or take a job that you're overqualified for, as a temporary solution), in order to keep your skills current? Also, take advantage of your current contacts - networking is SO important in finding out about good jobs!

Honestly, I'd go crazy if I wasn't working. Also, it's NOT just about the money - not to me, anyway. I've worked hard to get where I am...so I'd be a little offended if DH said, 'Don't worry - you don't need to work. I'll support us.' It's great that you don't need to worry about money while you're unemployed, but if you've worked hard on your career, I think it's normal to want to continue it.

I'm weird - I'm a rare individual who LOVES her job. I literally have my dream job, and I wouldn't give it up for anything, so maybe my opinion is a little scewed on this topic. But I'm going to be honest: I get it when women want to stay home with their kids, but I don't really understand why a woman with no kids wouldn't want to work. I just don't know what I'd DO all day - maybe I'd find fullfillment staying home if I had kids to care for, but cleaning my house and running errands just wouldn't do it for me. Like I said, though - I seriously LOVE my job, so maybe I just don't relate to people who want to quit because they hate theirs. So my advice is to focus on finding something (a job, volunteer work, whatever) to fulfill yourself.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

northern_california , august_2009
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luckymebride Posts : 125 Registered: 12/7/08
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 17, 2008 8:30 PM Go to message in response to: MrsMcDAtLast

Thank you everyone!!! Thanks MrsMcDALast on sharing your story of how to be a stay-at-home wife. I always wish I can be a stay-at-home mom but since I don't have children yet, I rather be working...but since I'm not working right now (by no choice). I would really love to make the best out of this situation. Of course I enjoyed not working and not having to wake up early every morning, but I also miss having my own money where I can spend and buy whatever I wish whenever I want...so, my question for all stay-at-home wives out there, does your hubby give you spending $??? Well, I came from a family where my Mother and all my aunts are stay-at-home wives and my Dad & uncles give their wives spending $ every month...I know it works in their generation but I just can't see that's happening in our generation. Even if the hubbys don't mind, wives feel bad because of the fact how the cost of living is so high here in California. Anyways, but it still great to hear from other stay-at-home wife stories and get myself motivated into making the best out of this situation because to tell you all the true....I love cooking but I just absolutely hate to clean...but while looking for another job, I should really learn & accept my current status as a "stay-at-home" fiancee. Wish me luck guys...

northern_california , august_2009
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luckymebride Posts : 125 Registered: 12/7/08
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 17, 2008 9:05 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Thanks ArtBride for your story...like you, I am rather work than stay home kinda person. But economy is so bad right now and I feel depressed constantly that I could not find a job that I want. People tell me to just look for a job which pay less than my pervious job but to me I know I just will not be happy. I wanted to go back to school but tuition is so high that I rather save my money for the wedding. My FH and I are paying for this whole wedding ourselves and I really don't want to use my money on school because having this wedding is the most important thing of my life and I can not afford to spend it else where. I just can not wait for the wedding to be over with so I can start living my life again, but in the mean time, like you....I would die for the job that I've been dreaming for but I guess I'm jjust not lucky enough for that..... This is the 2nd time in a role that I've gotten laid off from my jobs (I loved) after graduated from college. I worked in the financial industry so as you all have heard, lots of places are having problem but still hiring just thousands and thousands of me out there also that held the same experiences and background. I've achieved a bachelor degree & although i've been dreaming to obtain a MBA, the cost of it just makes it impossible...I'm still trying to payoff my student loan and I do not wish to get myself more in debt before my wedding....My fiance keeps on telling me that I do not need to work and he would rather have me as a stay-at-home wife but I just don't know what to do with myself...I look for jobs but honestly, at this point, I'm sooo tired of looking & searching for jobs that I rather enjoy the fact that I am a stay-at-home fiancee "wife"....at least for now... I told myself that after the holiday, companies will start hiring again....or will economy just get worst?! Well, either way, my FH has been so amazing this whole time and I can not be happier that I will finally get to married the man of my dream. Thanks for reading everyone....I just needed to vent!

northern_california , august_2009
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facen Posts : 120 Registered: 11/8/08
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 17, 2008 9:53 PM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

Hello Lucky, yes like you, I also am a stay at home wife, and I love it!! I have been for a long time now, five years to be exact, but unlike you I have I have seven kids, five of which I've birthed and two are step. So I'm very busy during the day, I looove being a soccer mom!! And like you said, you are very grateful & happy that your man can afford to take care of you & him, I feel so blessed God has given me a good husband.


june_2010 , northern_california , new_york , august_2009
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jloveland Posts : 33 Registered: 12/18/08
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 5:28 AM Go to message in response to: facen

Im not married yet, not even proposed to but Im working on that as I will be proposing in February but anyway...My man and I have a 2 year old daughter and so I stay home with her full time anyway, I do work online and go to school online but I know what you mean with the missing work. I wish I could work out of the home some days too. The only downside to be an at home wife is if you don't clean or cook or something then he will get on you about that and its pretty annoying but you also don't want to feel like his wife either, you know?


Edited by: jloveland on Dec 18, 2008 5:30 AM

january_2012 , northern_california , june_2010 , new_york , august_2009
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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,862 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 4:19 PM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

I was a stay at home wife for about a year. I could not wait to get back to work. I enjoy working I like the feeling of going out and accomplishing something on my own. I like having my own money. My husband is generous but I hated the thought of asking him for money when I wanted something. He gave me money for bills and things but it always felt like he was giving me an allowance. I just didn't like that feeling. With both of us working we have an account that we both contribute to which pays the bills and things and he has his own money and I have mine. This way when I feel like spending money I don't have to justify it to him and he can spend his money the way he wants to.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

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gin_and_tonic
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Scheherazade Posts : 107 Registered: 3/12/07
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 5:42 AM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

I was for about two years, and I recently went back to work in November. I thought it was what I wanted at the time but now that I'm back working I realize it was just a comfort zone, and I didn't really enjoy it or even like it. I say if you're sure, go for it (or just try it, you can always change your mind). I'd say that only certain people can do it though. I might give it another try if I have kids.
Miranda and Martin - April 5th, 2007

gin_and_tonic
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 3:44 AM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

I just feel so alone and useless at home.

Then, that's not the place for you, at least not now. I know you said that money is tight, but a course at the local community college usually is not too expensive--you can increase your skills, explore new areas, or just have fun--at least you'll be meeting and talking to other human beings! Online courses may be efficient, but then you're still just sitting in your house--alone.


And, what about volunteering? Especially in this terrible economy, with so many people in such need, surely there is something that you can do that will contribute to others and make you feel really great about yourself in the bargain. Your local hospital could use someone to read to patients, play with children, answer phones, direct visitors, etc. The local senior center would love to have you. The charity thrift shop could use workers. The library book drive would benefit from having you. You get the idea.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

northern_california , august_2009
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bride4life Posts : 499 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 6:37 PM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

I am basically a stay at home wife. (I am a sub teacher so I don't work much....I go anywhere from not working at all in a given week to working once, twice or three times....It is very rare that I work 3 or more times a week) The days I don't work I go to the gym, play with the dog and take him for walks, light cleaning, cook a really good dinner and try lots of recipes that I have never done before (I love cooking so I look forward to making dinner everyday), meet my mom for lunch at her work, visit friends, visit my grandma, read, scrapbook, run errands, etc etc. I have been doing this since Aug of 2007. I am so amazed at what I have accomplished...really detailed scrapbooks that I hope my future children will like, I made my own christmas cards from, I made personalized scrapbook looking gift tags...I take nature walks, I have a very happy dog who gets lots of fetch time and walks and swimming ( in warm monthes) We are planning on having children sometime after winter of 2009 so I call this time 'my time' and I am loving every second of it.

As for my husband...he works 6-7 days a week so he is not home much to dirty up the place so I don't expect him to do much cleaning. So I do most of it. If I do happen to substitute teach that day he might help out by loading the dishwasher. He also takes care of his own laundry and he cleans the basement since that is kinda his man cave so to say.

Back when I worked full time we would both take saturday morning and do a major cleaning together. He would also do the dishes (pre-dishwasher) every other night. I think he secretly enjoys the less cleaning and dishes so he is ok with my not working much. He also likes my dinners every night. This summer (when I didn't work at all) he said that I didn't repeat a recipe once! (not sure if this is entirely true, but maybe)

Well, to stop my rambling, I love being a stay at home wife...I am peaceful...I have a great home....my husband is happy....and my days are really filled. I am busy. working out in the morning takes a lot of time. I am very happy and fulfilled.

northern_california , august_2009
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luckymebride Posts : 125 Registered: 12/7/08
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 10:49 PM Go to message in response to: bride4life

Thanks for your stories of being a stay-at-home wife! Is very comforting to hear stories from you guys. After awhile, I honesty starting to feel depress thinking that everyone seem so busy w/their life while I'm sitting at home (laid off) & day dreaming about my upcoming wedding. But I have figured things out for myself finally!!! I have decided to go back to school after New Year and obtain another degree. Tuition will be somewhat a problem but my FH said that he will support me if I don't have enough for school. I will be taking one or two classes at a time so it won't be as expensive...but I figure that even though we have a wedding to pay for, education and wedding seriously can not be compared. Economy is so bad and what is a better time for me to get this education that I always wanted.

northern_california , august_2009
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Stay at home wife?
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 11:57 PM Go to message in response to: luckymebride

Good for you!

northern_california , august_2009
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