THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!

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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 8:55 PM

But it would be nice if I had a say....or was asked!!

Yep, you've probably guessed what this is about.

Maybe it's just me..and that's why I'm keeping my MOUTH SHUT!!

I have absolutely no problem with dh daughter spending the night Christmas Eve, and having a "family" Christmas morning (I know you think I'm being sarcastic here, but I'm truly not) But I don't think her boyfriend, who lives here in town needs to stay the night too!!

Am I being a prude...honestly??!! Or am I being a bitch? They're not living together...maybe if they were it would be different...I don't know??

Dh comment was something about them having sex anyways so he can't stop them. WTF???....IT'S MY HOUSE AND NOBODY IS HAVING SEX IN HERE!! ...like I'm really gonna sayTHAT!!

(oh, funny...now I'm just lmao at myself!!)

but this one is bugging....not too sure why...



Life's not all beer and skittles, mate!



EDIT!!!:

INSERT MYRA'S POST HERE...couldn't have said it better myself....thanks Myra!!


Edited by: marty08 on Dec 19, 2008 12:20 PM

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 9:31 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

I don't think you're being a prude....and you'd likely feel a bit different if they were engaged or liviing together . Of course, since they don't live together, they shouldn't expect to share a room -- just because bf stays the night is not a statement that he stays in her room. You could kick him to the couch.

But this is coming from someone who is right now houseproofing against mom's visit tomorrow (and basicallly trying to wipe all evidence that FH lives here) <G>

Misty

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FinallyMrsS Posts : 1,035 Registered: 3/29/08
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 10:07 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

How old is his daughter? I don't know the background here, but do you not get along with her? I think I need more info to assess the situation. Does he have family? How long have they been datung?

 

www.mywedding.com/samanthaandpatrick/

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 18, 2008 10:33 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

I don't think you're in the wrong Marty. But, no offense, but you and your DH don't communicate well with the StepDaughter OR about the the stepdaughter. AL;KJSD Oops sorry one of the kittens added in her 2 cents.

=-op,llp' and again from the kitten....

Anyhow, I had my cousin's daughter - i.e. my cousin, stop in on her way home (we're half way) from college with her boyfriend. Now, she's not my kid, but I was changing her diaper at 2 weeks, you know.

And I'm not a prude, but I was worried about the parents - I don't know his parents. And do I want to be that adult....

Anyhow, fortunately, she said, Mom said you have room for us to sleep in two different places. Suweet!

But I hear where you are coming from and I have no idea why he's with you all. (My cousin's bf is from Texas and wasn't going to fly home for a week break.)

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 12:58 AM Go to message in response to: marty08

But it would be nice if I had a say....or was asked!!

OK, so you're not a prude and you (seem to) understand/accept that she's probably not a virgin and they are having sex. So, what's the problem? I think it's what you said above, and really, it's the same old problem that has existed all along. You have no say on what goes on in your own home, especially when it comes to his daughter. No matter what you say (or, in this case, don't say), nobody inquires as to your wishes, your standards, your comfort level, etc., and when and if you do bring up a problem, your feelings are discounted. His daughter obviously has not inquired as to what's OK with you (and she should--even if she thinks you're a hypocrite, you're allowed to be one in your own home!) It seems that this is "Daddy's house," and she can manipulate him however she wants. Maybe this particular incident is not the issue on which you wish to take a stand or make a big fuss, but the underlying problem will always bug you.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 6:01 AM Go to message in response to: marty08

OOOH! ME! ME! ME!

I have a 16 year old Stepson and I joined this little family in February, 2007.

This home is mine, too and I say NO WAY to having his girlfriend stay the night! I know he's younger, but I HAD to establish ground rules right from the inception. (I'll be damned if we end up supporting an "accident")! Maybe it's because I don't particularly care for her, she's hurt him before. But I still say, and always will, NO girls overnight. He's got his own transportation and he can drive her home safely. Yeah, your husband is right-they'll still have sex, but not in this house! I totally know where you're coming from.

I (well, both Dean and I) am REALLY big on privacy, too. And I need my boundaries/space.

I don't feel, in any way whatsoever, that you're being a prude and if I come off like one, too bad. That's MY rule here. NOBODY'S getting it around here - just the two of us!



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Mrslinnben Posts : 2,285 Registered: 6/4/07
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 10:07 AM Go to message in response to: marty08

Nah your not being a prude. Just want her to respect you.

The first time that I went to DH's parents house (out of state) I slept in the spare bedroom and he slept on the couch & we are in our 40's!...why....out of respect for his parents.

There should be no argument about this.....but...it's dh's daughter.....

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 11:29 AM Go to message in response to: Mrslinnben

Myra's right. (I think they should put an icon that says "Myra's right" on brides.com and I can just click on it. It would save me a lot of trouble. They could also do one for "AOTB's right" or, in the most recent case "I completely, totally disagree with AOTB." )

Anyways, that was off topic.

I'd put a couple of blankets and pillows on the couch, as a kind of hint, hint, he should be sleeping on the couch. I mean c'mon. Don't make it so easy for her! He should have to sneak up into her room after her father's fallen asleep to have sex, like my husband did during the holidays before we got married.

Kids today have it waaaaay to easy.

__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 12:19 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Thanks you guys...you always help me!!

yep, the sex comment came after I said he could sleep on the couch. Then it turned into he's just not going to have her come over...blah, blah, blah...
I know he wouldn't tell her anything...Hell, I don't blame him, you know that would cause a tantrum(probably..and then it would turn into her not wanting to come and have some sad sob story....whatever!!)

"GD Forbid" we should ruin her Christimas!!

Myra...you're right!!..."daddy's house"....couldn't have said it better myself!! And sometimes it's just not worth the fight!

Ms. D....I think I will do that!!


N E ways, thanks for the comments....

Life's not all beer and skittles, mate!

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 19, 2008 1:06 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

I am incomplete agreement with you on this one. I don't see any reason why this shouldn't be a decision between you and DH, not DH and his daughter. If they want to have a FAMILY Christmas, it should be members of the family.

Marty- no offense, but you husband obviously doesn't have any idea what the word compromise means. There is A LOT of room for negotiation on this and he isn't will to budge even an inch. You should tell him he has three options.

a) Don't have darling daughter come over at all.

b) Have her come and tell her that her boyfriend can come over in the morning. After all, he lives in the area so there is no need for him to sleep there.

c) Tell her that her boyfriend can stay in the house only if he sleeps on the couch. Tell him you don't care how many times she has sex with her boyfriend, but it will not happen in your home.

If he chooses option A, then HE is the one who ruined the holiday for his daughter, not you.


 

Don't make me go Brooklyn on you. I have brass knuckles and I know how to use them.

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 3:27 AM Go to message in response to: marty08

Marty, I am 22 years old and live with my parents until the spring when FH and I are moving into our own place. With my parents home comes my parents rules even though I am 22 years old and engaged. My FH and I are not allowed to stay together. My FH lives 30min away so a couple times he has stayed at our home because it was easier and he stays in the guest bedroom. We have also went out of town with my family and we sleep in separate rooms.
Yes, FH and I are having sex, but my parents just dont believe in letting their daughter shack up with her man in their home unmarried. If I get knocked up it will not be because they let us stay the night together that is for sure.
I think you are doing the right thing. Of corse I would like to stay with my FH more and I don't see what the big deal is because we are getting married and going to be living together soon. But what I think doesnt matter because it isnt my home. It is your home and you get to decide who stays the night and where. It might annoy them, but unless they want to make a house payment for you they don't need to worry about sleeping together.
I would stick to your guns on this one even if it is Christmas time.

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 8:16 AM Go to message in response to: marty08

I don't think you are being a prude either. If they were engaged, that's a different story.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 5:48 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

"Myra's right. (I think they should put an icon that says "Myra's right" on brides.com and I can just click on it. It would save me a lot of trouble."

Ms.D., that's hilarious! I'll have to show it to my husband--he complains that I think I'm always right. Now, I can tell him that I have absolute proof!

M

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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 11:30 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

Marty, be happy this is just about Christmas! A few years back we had a devasting flood around here. Most of my family lost their houses in it. My dad's parents were part of that. My grandfather was horrible disabled and couldn't even walk, so they moved in with us. My mom came home at lunch one day to pick something up and OVERHEARD my grandmother on the phone with the insurance company saying "Yea, we decided to put a double wide in next to my son." They never even mentioned it to my mom! My dad didn't even ask for her opinion!!! She was furious!!

Anyways, back to the situation. Last year for Christmas, Dh and I were engaged. He stayed at my house (I still lived with my parents) only because it would have been about a 30 min drive for him to get there and we were starting things early. However, he slept on the couch. Even though they probably knew we were having sex (we had been on vacations together) it was their house, their rules.

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bride4life Posts : 499 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: THIS IS BUGG'N!!..not starting an argument right before Christmas!!!!!!
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 6:01 PM Go to message in response to: marty08

Why doesn't he sleep at his own house and then come over in the morning?

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