Need advice

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mainstdancer08 Posts : 140 Registered: 3/27/08
Need advice
Posted: Nov 18, 2008 7:39 PM

Okay, me and my bf have been dating for almost 7 months now and he keeps bringing up marriage for some odd reason. Our church advises us to finish college (which is what we are doing, my bf will be going back up to college in January,2009 to get his 2-year degree) and for us NOT to live together (even though right now we are living together with my parents since we both had to dropout of college in three months ago due to personal issues, thankfully i'm doing online college now). The church also told my bf that if he is thinking about marriage then to finish college first and then consider marriage.
Did anyone tell you and your FH that you couldn't live together before or after you were engaged? I also don't understand why my bf is talking about marriage to me, cause we've been dating for almost 7 months now. Are there any reasons why he would be mentioning marriage to me?


FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Need advice
Posted: Nov 18, 2008 9:19 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

i would simply have a conversation with him about what is on his mind. no sense in trying to guess! good luck


MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: Need advice
Posted: Nov 18, 2008 10:17 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

Ummmm....maybe he is mentioning marriage to you because he's thinking about marriage? Just a thought. Honestly, I find your post completely confusing - I have no idea what you're asking.

I know I'm drawing a lot of conclusions from one post, but you don't strike me as someone who is ready to get married (and you sound like you know that, which is great). Still in college and only dating 7 months definitely does not equal marriage proposal ready in my book. Maybe he's just bringing it up because he's thinking about the future and excited, which is fun, as long as you have a talk and realize that you're both on the same page about when you'll be ready to actually get engaged.


ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Need advice
Posted: Nov 19, 2008 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08


If you aren't ready to marry this man (and it sounds like you're not), then I'd put a stop to the marriage talk. If you don't, you'll either end up hurting him or you'll end up married LONG before you're ready.

Personally, I don't think your living arrangements or education are any of your church's business. I think it's good advice to wait to get married until you've finished college, but I don't see what it has to do with your church. As for living together, it depends on your religion. Many religions discourage living together before marriage. Of course, you can still live together regardless of whether your church approves - it just depends on how comfortable you are going against your church's teachings.

Your post totally confuses me, though. I don't know why you're talking to your church about this AT ALL if you're not ready to get married. If you and your boyfriend were at the point where you were ready for marriage, it wouldn't confuse you that he's bringing it up. Getting engaged shouldn't be a surprise. The proposal itself can be unexpected - but the thought that he might propose soon should NOT be unexpected. You should both be on the same page regarding the state of your relationship before any rings are purchased!

DaisypathWedding Ticker


Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: Need advice
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 8:13 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

You said your boyfriend will be "going back up to college in Jan. 2009." So he'll be moving out of your parents house and you'll be in a long distance relationship? Maybe he's talking about marriage because he thinks getting engaged will help keep the two of you close and your relationship strong during the time apart.

Have an open, honest conversation with him about it if you can. If he's not the talking/listening type, when he brings up marriage just say something short but blunt like, "I don't want to talk about that now," "I'm not ready for that yet," or "Let's wait a while before we think about that." Say it often, and good luck.


Franko Posts : 128 Registered: 11/15/08
Re: Need advice
Posted: Nov 25, 2008 6:41 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

get more information from him, this is important
I bought our rings @


FutureMrsGreear Posts : 1 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: Need advice
Posted: Dec 5, 2008 11:19 PM Go to message in response to: mainstdancer08

I have seen this situation happen a few times before, and it is a tricky situation. I think since education is involved it makes your boyfriend nervous about either going away to school or the freedom still involved. He may either feel insecure about not being official enough and want to make sure the relationship will outlast school. It is very important to go through college before marriage because before you know it, so much pops up and college sometimes seems to be the last thing on your mind when it should be your main focus. If I were you, and questioned why he is wanting to get so married and do not feel on the same page, I would ask him why it is so important to him at the time. :-) Good luck.
Faith is something in which we believe when we can't see, feel what we can't imagine and trust beyond impossible boundries.


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