I really don't understand jealousy...

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 99


nanette927 Posts : 1,748 Registered: 1/28/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 20, 2008 12:54 PM Go to message in response to: 5in3

5in3 wrote:

I have had other girls and guys say that because I make steady eye contact with the person I am talking to, can discuss football, hockey, UFC, and drink most men under the table that I am flirting. I don't touch these guys, but suddenly some guy slap me on the back, like they would a guy friend, and then some girl is mad at me for flirting with her boyfriend, when all I did was discuss something of mutual interest to us both. This is exactly how I am/was. People always took me the wrong way. I used to get to the point of-"hum- you think I'm gonna take your man- fine then watch me". I never took what wasn't available.

Anyway I wanted to say I admire those out there who recognize jealousy can be a problem, and are trying to fix it. Notice I say can be...because not all jealousy is bad, in ways it keeps us from doing stupid things. As far as jealousy being a problem- YUP that is so true. You know after reading this thread and recent post..I finally came to the conclusion that--I'm not so much jealous of "other" girls- I'm jealouse of how I USED to look and the confidence I once had- I mean I still have it, just not as much because to me I just don't look as good as I used to. I keep telling myself "If I could just loose those few extra pounds"- " if my hair would just grow out faster" ( I had chemicle damage last Nov. and my hair broke off at the roots on the top of my head). Been a year now and has only grown 2 inches- I lost 10 inches of hair. I had to wear a wig for the first 4 months and finally had enough hair to have hair extentions put in. I just removed them this past weekend. I'm having a hard time dealing with my hair taking forever to grow. So, to me once my hair grows back I think I will deffinatly feel better about myself whether I loos the few pounds or not.


                              

Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 20, 2008 5:13 PM Go to message in response to: 5in3

Wow-you girls are so inspirational! I am loving this thread and all the different points of view.



Linda Jo and Dean-July 19, 2008


Reply


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 20, 2008 5:32 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

I've never been jealous of "pretty" girls. This may be - pardon the conceit - because I'm generally considered to be an attractive person. I get hit on by strangers fairly regularly, and hubs is always mock-complaining about his co-workers and friends saying to him "Your wife is so beautiful."

But that doesn't mean that I'm immune to jealousy. . .I'm jealous of women my husband comes in contact with who make him laugh. Saying "She's hot" doesn't make me jealous at all but saying 'She's so funny" totally does. I know that there's always someone prettier than you. . . . .but I hate the idea that there is someone out there funnier or smarter than me. I want to be the funniest, smartest woman my husband has ever spent time with, so hearing him talk about another girl's wit or intelligence can totally get to me.

Luckily, hubs does a great job of conveying to me that he thinks that I'm the best thing that could ever possibly happen to him, so that helps with the green-eyed monster, for sure.


__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 20, 2008 6:11 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

"but I hate the idea that there is someone out there funnier or smarter
than me. I want to be the funniest, smartest woman my husband has ever
spent time with, so hearing him talk about another girl's wit or
intelligence can totally get to me."

I think about that, too. What it is is that I have absolutely no control over the way my husband feels about other women. I want to be the prettiest and smartest women he's ever met. And that's just not the way it is. There's always somebody prettier, smarter and funnier then me.

But Dean tells me constantly how perfect I am for him. He says if he could make a checklist of what he was looking for before I met him, all the boxes would be checkmarked.



Linda Jo and Dean-July 19, 2008


Reply


Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 20, 2008 6:39 PM Go to message in response to: 5in3

5in3- I'm such a guy's girl. I'm the youngest of all boys so the make-up and pink is only on the outside. I can be very girlie (ie whine when I'm over sleepy, get excited about shoes, and swear next week it's JUST salads), but mostly I love sports and hanging out with boys. Robert loves that about me. I'm more comfortable with his friends than any girl. Don't get me wrong- I love the very few girlfriends I have but guys don't give a shit if your nose is shiny or your sweaty from dancing too much.

So, no, I'm not a jealous person either for the same reasons as 5in3 because I also look eye to eye, hug everyone, and just love to be friendly.

MrsPinky- You can steal any line I write. lol Today, my angry ovaries are craving salt. I'm like a cow on a salt lick. Yum. Salt. I have had Triscuits, cheese puffs, and peanuts. Next tequila shots just for the salt. Kidding- but it sounds like fun!
a wedding website

Check out our site http://www.mywedding.com/robertandginger

Reply

Uzuri Posts : 99 Registered: 6/26/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 20, 2008 7:11 PM Go to message in response to: 5in3

So my post came out crazy, so I'm going to try it again


Edited by: Uzuri on Nov 20, 2008 7:17 PM

Reply

Uzuri Posts : 99 Registered: 6/26/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 20, 2008 7:22 PM Go to message in response to: Uzuri

After reading this thread again and thinking about life, I have come to the conclusion that I give great advice to all of my friends. I can tell them to think positive, no one is perfect, everything happens for a reason, etc. but when it comes to me, I forget to apply those same rules to myself sometimes.

MrsPinky....I think that your advice would definitely help. Lately when things happen, I tend to think to "What did I do to deserve this?" I never thought thinking that way would affect my self esteem. It all comes down to the way we look at things, and how we let it affect our lives. So what you said definitely makes sense.


Someone asked how you get over a low-self esteem. You fake it, and if you fake it long enough you start to believe it. I am a good person, I don't have the greatest body, but I am working on it, I am not the prettiest girl in the world, but I am kind, and I get along with most everybody (except girls who are mad at me, and even they usually end up liking me once they get to know me). I can cook, I can sing, I am one smart cookie. And if I at least pertend to believe one of these things each day....I find myself believing it the day after that too. FH has no reason to cheat on me.

5in3....If I didn't know any better, I would swear you were describing me. lol. I know I am all of those things you just described, I just need to remind myself of those qualities each day.
And I don't think you sounded stuck up at all. You actually sound like my BFF because most people hate her or love her right when they meet her. And most of the ones that usually hate her, end up liking her. Me on the other hand, I am always considered the "stuck up" one. I also hear from people that they think that I am high maintenance. Its just funny how people think that they know you within the first few minutes of meeting you.


I'm jealous of women my husband comes in contact with who make him laugh. Saying "She's hot" doesn't make me jealous at all but saying 'She's so funny" totally does. I know that there's always someone prettier than you. . . . .but I hate the idea that there is someone out there funnier or smarter than me. I want to be the funniest, smartest woman my husband has ever spent time with, so hearing him talk about another girl's wit or intelligence can totally get to me.

MsDenuninani....Most of us were focusing on the physical and you brought up a different view on jealousy. My FH lets me know that he thinks I'm funny, and that I am very intelligent. I actually believe that I am intelligent because of my personal achievements. I'm not too sure about me being funny because my sense of humor is different. I know that I am not the funniest woman my FH has met, but I always make myself laugh. And he ends up laughing too because I laugh at just about everything.


 

♥♥♥ Soon to be Mrs. Brown 9/19/09 ♥♥♥

Reply


5in3 Posts : 806 Registered: 8/15/06
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 12:14 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

RanAway2Maine wrote:"but I hate the idea that there is someone out there funnier or smarter than me. I want to be the funniest, smartest woman my husband has ever spent time with, so hearing him talk about another girl's wit or intelligence can totally get to me."

I think about that, too. What it is is that I have absolutely no control over the way my husband feels about other women. I want to be the prettiest and smartest women he's ever met. And that's just not the way it is. There's always somebody prettier, smarter and funnier then me.

My Question is, would you really want to be the smartest Funiiest girl? Quite honestly I wouldn't, because if I was, then I don't think I would be with my husband. If I was the prettiest girl, then my husband wouldn't have asked me out, because I would be unobtainable, or I would just be that trophy wife. It would be more about his hot wife, then about the person he married. On the funny aspect of it, if I was the funniest girl, then I would always be expected to be funny, and when people met me it would be your Mr. 5in3's Funny wife. That is a whoooooooooooooooooooooole lot of pressure. Now I might just be lazy, but being the funiest and the prettiest is an awful lof to live up to, I would get tired.

One thing that helps me with my self-confidence or lack there of....is to look at my DH. He is very methodical, he does not make a little choice lightly. For example, we have been in the process of buying a tv for the past year. My DH has researched every model in the size range we want, read professional reviews, read regular consumer reviews, read technical reviews. He has gone at least 6 times to compare pictures in the store. He has researched and researched.....for a T.V. My husband choose me as his wife. Are there other women he could have chosen, honestly, yes... just as there are other men I could have chosen. But he choose me. If he does that much research to buy a T.V., can you imagine how much he must of been sure of me as his wife to make that commitment? You can't return me.
Me, my honey and our kitties make 4.

Reply


MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 1:14 PM Go to message in response to: 5in3

5in3, it's not that I want to be the smartest, funniest person ever. Just the smartest, funniest person he's ever met. I'm just generally jealous of witty, funny people. Like when someone makes a really good, smart joke, I always think "Man, I wish I had said that." So when I say someone else is funny, hubs likes to say to me "you're funnier" and even if he's straight-up lying, I appreciate it.

Being funny is MY thing. Like cooking is his. Even when I eat better food made by someone else's husband, I never tell hubs that. Because he likes to think that no one else's food is better than his.

This is the way we protect eachother's egos, I suppose. So far, it's working.


__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

Reply


kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 2:10 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

5in3, it's not that I want to be the smartest, funniest person ever. Just the smartest, funniest person he's ever met. I'm just generally jealous of witty, funny people. Like when someone makes a really good, smart joke, I always think "Man, I wish I had said that." So when I say someone else is funny, hubs likes to say to me "you're funnier" and even if he's straight-up lying, I appreciate it.

Being funny is MY thing.


Oh MrsS, its like youre preaching to the choir!!! lol. Me too, me too!!! Comedy is my LIFE. Its what moves me. I perform it, I write it, I teach it. And when DH first met me, one of the first things he did was come see me do standup at a club. There were several other comics there too, and after the show, he whispered to me as we hugged, "you kicked their ass. You were the best one up there. " and now each time he comes to my shows, he always finds some way to make me feel like I stole the room. He will say "You were the only one that got applause after a joke.. " etc etc.

I definately feel way more threatened by another woman who is witty and hysterical than I do a beautiful woman. I think Im considered attractive, but I know I cant match up with "model" or whatever the standard of perfect body/beauty is. Not even close. But the cool thing is that usually those type of girls are gorgeous as hell until they open their mouths and say something dumb and then DH and I look at each other and laugh/ roll eyes. The worst is when they are beautiful AND funny as hell. Its a rare combination, but they are out there lol.

Generally though, Im not a jealous person AT ALL. And Dh isnt either.

MrsD I think if you and I met in person and weere in a room together and going after the same guy - we would be super jealous of each others witty sense of humor LOL. We would either be best friends or claw each others eyes out. LOL.:) Cuz youre goddamn funny.

Check out the Wedding Planner Buzz and My Blog @ www.myaislerunner.com

WATCH OUT "Bleight-ers".TEAM KICK-ASS (LittleRoo,Cyclist,MrsFord,OldAmy and Kelley) are going to KICK. YOUR. ASS!!!

"When you're born, you get a free ticket to the Freak Show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat." - R.I.P. George Carlin

 

Reply


luvathena Posts : 929 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 2:36 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Can I throw this conversation another way? How about siblings being jealous of each other- the old Mom/Dad always liked you best- your sister's hair is straight and yours in curly; you are taller than her and she is more artistic than you...the thousands of ways we pick apart ourselces in contrast to our sibling- and how it stays with you in life.

My dh and I have both been through this with our silblings. Currently his brother is making his life miserable on a job they are doing together and truly had the idiocy to throw out the "Mom always liked you best" line. He is completely unhappy anytime my dh does anything well (like marry me!), and looks for ways to criticize him.

One of older sisters has tried to tear me down for the past 20 years (to my face and to others) since she entered the same profession as me- she just recently decided she needed help and is in counseling for it. I've learned to just stay away from her when she gets that way, and I switched jobs. Everyone says she is just jealous of me.

I wish I had a gorgeous vioce like my oldest sister, or that my marriage had stayed strong like my jealous sister, but I don't hate them for it. I just don't get it...

Any one else?


Maggie and Tom-8-31-08

Reply


RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: luvathena

Hmm, luv-I have always envied women who had sisters. I always wondered what it would be like??? My brothers and I always got along great except for the usual routine kid stuff....

 

 

 

 

 

Reply


mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 2:51 PM Go to message in response to: luvathena


Luv - Can I throw this conversation another way? How about siblings being jealous of each other- the old Mom/Dad always liked you best- your sister's hair is straight and yours in curly; you are taller than her and she is more artistic than you...the thousands of ways we pick apart ourselces in contrast to our sibling- and how it stays with you in life.


This is totally me but for good reason. It's not just that I'm jealous OF him, I'm jealous of the way our mother treats him and compared to how she treats me, it's significantly BETTER. Even my BFF and Richard have noticed and made comments. I won't go into detail but for the longest time I'd refer to my brother as a "Mama's boy." And all throughout my life my mother has always told me, "I'd never have to worry about you." Well let me tell you something, sometimes it's NICE to be worried about. Shows someone how much you care about them.


Mrs. Pinky


glitter-graphics.com

Our Wedding Website 

Reply


mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 2:55 PM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

RanAway2Maine wrote:Hmm, luv-I have always envied women who had sisters. I always wondered what it would be like??? My brothers and I always got along great except for the usual routine kid stuff....


Linda Jo - I used to be envious of my friends who had sister's too until I found out a I had one! When my mother was younger she had another little girl about a year and half after me and decided to give her up for adoption. When she was 16, she contacted us and my mother allowed her to meet us and we even let her live with us! She got caught peddling drugs at school and my mother told her she had to move back with her "mom." During the time she lived with us, we visited our dad and took pictures and all kinds of stuff. After my mom sent her back to live with her "mom" she told me that she really wasn't my "full blooded" sister. Seemed she got raped and got pregnant and gave up the daughter. So in all truth, she was only my half sister and she turned out to be something awful. So, now I'm glad I don't have a sister. My BFF is the only sister I'll ever need and my SIL is the younger sister I never had.

Mrs. Pinky


glitter-graphics.com

Our Wedding Website 

Reply


5in3 Posts : 806 Registered: 8/15/06
Re: I really don't understand jealousy...
Posted: Nov 21, 2008 3:23 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

kelleyiskelley wrote:5in3, it's not that I want to be the smartest, funniest person ever. Just the smartest, funniest person he's ever met. I'm just generally jealous of witty, funny people. Like when someone makes a really good, smart joke, I always think "Man, I wish I had said that." So when I say someone else is funny, hubs likes to say to me "you're funnier" and even if he's straight-up lying, I appreciate it.

Being funny is MY thing.


Oh MrsS, its like youre preaching to the choir!!! lol. Me too, me too!!! Comedy is my LIFE. Its what moves me. I perform it, I write it, I teach it. And when DH first met me, one of the first things he did was come see me do standup at a club. There were several other comics there too, and after the show, he whispered to me as we hugged, "you kicked their ass. You were the best one up there. " and now each time he comes to my shows, he always finds some way to make me feel like I stole the room. He will say "You were the only one that got applause after a joke.. " etc etc.


I can understand wanting to be the wittyist or prettiest to your husband, and I don't want to come off saying it is a bad thing. I guess, and maybe this is my less then stellar self-confidence coming out, I guess I just accept that I am not. Even to my husband. And that is okay, because whatever I am, whatever combination of things make me, me, is the combination that allows or inspires the people who love me to do so. I guess it is also the director in me coming out, the need to be above par in many things so that you can help all the people who are stellar in their single thing be that much more amazing. I've just never had that drive to be the best anything, just to do the best I can...and if that happens to land me somewhere near the top fine, if not, well I still have nothing to be ashamed of.

As far as sibling jealousy goes...I have two brothers and one sister and we never have really had that jealousy among ourselves. I guess we just have such a close friendship that it doesn't really matter, that and we are sooooooooo different that I don't think we could be jealous of each other. In fact, we actually joke about it. One brother had a shirt made for my mom that had his picture on it and said "Name's my favorite". My sister has her number entered in my parents phone as "My Favorite Child". At my wedding the four of us were joking with each other and someone came up and asked how my parents managed to raise 4 kids and find time for all of us, and I said "They didn't, I'm their favorite, it was all about me". And the other brother leaves messages with their secrataries that their favorite child called and they should call him back....no name. Just their favorite child.

So if my parents treated us differently, they had to because we were such different children, and I am sure if we all really looked we could find something that pointed which of us our parents loved best, however, it isn't worth the time. Since we have fun together, and love each other, so it doesn't really matter.
Me, my honey and our kitties make 4.

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine