Dealing with a momzilla

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PinkHippo Posts : 53 Registered: 11/2/08
Re: Dealing with a momzilla
Posted: Nov 15, 2008 2:30 AM Go to message in response to: amazinggrace223

I too am an only child.  My parents live about 8 hours from me and I am getting married in August 2009.  But we are paying for our own wedding and this is the exact reason we are doing so.  I did not want to hear from anyone that they paid for this so they get to pick this.  Unfortunatly my mom is a momzilla also who offered to pay for my dress.  I found one and she was hurt and upset that I went without her to look at dresses.  She lives so far away that I can not just sit around waiting for her to come along so we can go shopping.  When I showed her the dress and told her the cost she told me she didn't like it and so she would not pay for it.  That was the truning point for us.  My response was fine then I will pay for it and I am now getting the dress of my dreams. 

 It could be as simple as your mom is afarid that if you plan a wedding out of town then she will get left out of everything and not be able to help out because she is too far away.  It also could be a lot more complicated.  I suggest trying to talk to your mom about how she is making YOU feel and see if you can comprimise a little more on everyting and plan things together.  Remind her that a wedding is a celebration of the love you and your FH have for each other and the wedding should reflect you as a couple not your parents and what they want to show off. 

But sometimes it is not that easy.  My mom and I have had a fight every step of the wedding.  I will call her to tell her about something that I have planned and she has somthing negative to say about it and does not like it.  Unforutnatly my mom can not let go of her feelings to help me plan a wedding over the phone so she can still be involved.  It may come down to paying for it yourself and leave everything else a suprise for everyone.  I have stoped telling my mom about the wedding period and everything will be a suprise to her just like all of the other guests.  I know it is sad but sometimes if parents are not ready to grown up so to say then you have to let them be that way and do things yourself.

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Re: Dealing with a momzilla
Posted: Nov 15, 2008 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: amazinggrace223

This is tough, i understand how hard it must be

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brix24 Posts : 165 Registered: 8/3/08
Re: Dealing with a momzilla
Posted: Nov 16, 2008 2:55 AM Go to message in response to: amazinggrace223

LOL I had to double check I didnt write that post! You sound like me. Only child and bossy mother etc- my folks will be putting money towards it but havent said how much. We wanted to get married in Rarotonga (south pacific islands, about a 3 hour flight - no biggie). Hissy fit followed... Our folks live in seperate cities, naturally mother wanted us to get married where she and Dad live (I have never lived in their new home town) so we settled on the home town FH and I live in. And its equal distance between the 2 cities.

Anyways the way I got through things was by compromising - talking to Dad who is not a drama queen! And because my darling mother (who I know does mean well at the end of the day) will have a habit of hanging up the phone if she just doesnt like the conversation - I wrote her a very blunt email about how FH and I felt about a few issues. It was very blunt, but she had to know. I wrote it, saved it and reviewed it a few times before I sent it.

Things went quiet but after a few days mother was back in contact and its been OK since. Our only concern is that we want 50-75 guests and I know she wants a heap more to come along (family we probably do not know too well!) I just try to involve her as much as poss with consultations and ask her advice lots (she is also a wedding celebrant) but at the end of the day I try and stress we are open to suggestions but it is a decision between FH and I.

Good luck and PM me if you need to vent!


  

 free happiness with every moment!

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amazinggrace223 Posts : 10 Registered: 11/14/08
Re: Dealing with a momzilla
Posted: Nov 16, 2008 1:40 PM Go to message in response to: brix24

I received a scathing e-mail from her Friday night (unprovoked), calling me a "princess" and telling me that I "think I'm better than everyone else." She then said, "Just pick a place. It shouldn't be this hard." So I told her that the place we picked was the outdoor place (it's still in my hometown, though, which should count for something.) I got a huge guilt trip back in response, telling me that I'm "inconsiderate of my guests" (because of the possibility of rain) and that she hopes that I'm "in good with the Man Above" to make sure it doesn't rain on my wedding day, along with a snarky comment about how upset she was that I'm getting married outside instead of in a church.

This is so frustrating. I keep trying to be the bigger person. Every time I e-mail her or talk to her on the phone, I'm very respectful and accomodating, and I've been trying to compromise the whole time. And still, I'm the one made out to be the "bad guy," and I get insults and names hurled my way. I'm ready to just run away and elope. I didn't think I'd have to deal with this kind of crap from my own mother.

Oh, and I should add, that the place we want to have our reception, although it's technically "outdoors," is kind of like a shelterhouse in a park, with hard cement floors, a wooden roof, and open sides, so even if it rained a little, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

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brix24 Posts : 165 Registered: 8/3/08
Re: Dealing with a momzilla
Posted: Nov 17, 2008 12:57 AM Go to message in response to: amazinggrace223

Ouch. Can you talk to your Dad at all? Does your mother have any siblings she gets on well with that you could approach? Its not a case of going behind her back. You are just looking for ways to get your message across to her.

Makes me wonder what I will have to deal with when we start planning in earnest.

Hugs.

  

 free happiness with every moment!

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: Dealing with a momzilla
Posted: Nov 17, 2008 7:44 AM Go to message in response to: amazinggrace223

Alright Grace... when is enough going to be enough? I definitely wouldn't stand for anyone to talk to me the way your mom has been talking to you. Why is it okay just because she's family? Only YOU can put a stop to the way she's treating you by telling her in no uncertain terms that it's completely unacceptable. Man, just reading your email has made me SO MAD that a mother would treat her daughter like that!! Why do you make it sound like it's just something that happens and you can't do anything about it? You are not a victim here, you are perpetuating her behavior becuase you're letting her think it's okay. You don't have to be mean and you don't have to raise your voice at all. Just tell her that you will not be spoken to in that manner. Period. Would she speak to a stranger like that???



10/26/08 


 


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