NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 29, 2008 4:04 PM

No, really. Every year during law school, FH, his roommate and I hosted numerous social events. We had board game nights, movie nights, a super bowl party and our annual "veterans day feast" (which was essentially Thanksgiving dinner three weeks early). We always ended up with between 10 and 25 people there, including us. 

Now everyone graduated and moved away. We were starting to plan the feast and realized our entire local friend circle is 5 other people. 

We don't know where to make new friends - we've always made them through school, and work before. No more school and neither of our workplaces are "that sort of place."

So, where do you ladies "make new friends?" Other than on here, which while people are wonderful, are harder to make dinner plans with. 


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B2B999 Posts : 700 Registered: 12/7/07
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 29, 2008 4:12 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

If you are in an established neighborhood where you intend to stay then you could host barbecues and invite your neighbors. Join your local bar association young lawyers division and socialize there. Do you have dogs? take them to the local dog park and meet people there. Do you like to read/fish/kayak/eat/cook go out and do those things and you're sure to meet people who are interested in the same things.
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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 29, 2008 4:31 PM Go to message in response to: B2B999

These are some good general ideas. I probably should have been more detailed about our lack of options.

We live in a kind of little town about 35 minutes or so south of Boston in a brand new apartment complex. The complex, like most of the area, is heavily populated by people...a bit older than FH and I (no offense intended to anyone older on here!) Most people are friendly to us, but not friends (if that makes sense), we think because we're 20+ years younger than everyone we encounter. 

My job is in an area with no young lawyers bar association (and it takes me more than an hour to get into Boston to visit anything there). Our regular bar association is barely creaking along. I can probably send FH into bar stuff in the city, but we'd never be able to jointly do anything with people after work. 

We've been here almost 5 months now and have tried all the "regular" avenues we can think of - the dog park, eating out, doing stuff in the area, going to church and we haven't had a single repeat conversation with anyone. We're not unlikeable people (well, I can be, but FH is not). 

So, we're stumped. We think it's part that we just can't figure out where (if anywhere) people anywhere near our age are and part that we don't know how to initiate friendships without repeated, forced, outside interaction (see: classes and activities at school, work everyday).


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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 29, 2008 4:31 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

A young professional networking organization is a great way to meet people.

I was thinking about joining a book club.  Find an organization you like and volunteer!


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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 29, 2008 5:10 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

How EH and I made some new friends was we joined a dojo. We are friends with the program director and all of the Sensei's. Now EH works for our Kyoshi (master) and we've hung out with all of the sensei's there.

Mrs. Pinky


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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 29, 2008 5:45 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

I know what you mean. It's hard meeting new people. I commend you for trying though. I gave up.

Luckly for me, DH has a lot of friends out here and they all have girlfriends/wives...but they're people I'll never be the best of friends with. Oh well.


Just Married...9.20.08

Formerly BenjaminsBride 

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 29, 2008 9:11 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Dear Karebear,

Volunteer!

Volunteer activities are a great place to meet like-minded people. There are dozens of worthy causes where your talents are needed.

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HLYflute Posts : 1,282 Registered: 2/5/07
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 29, 2008 9:30 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

karebear-- If you figure out an answer, would you let me know?  DH and I are also in the Boston area (metro west, about 40 minutes outside the city) and we don't have any friends either, LOL!  Is it a Mass thing??

DH moved here two years ago, and I came out last year, after our wedding (from Ohio).  We're both friends with people at work, but not to the point of socializing outside of work.

One thing I've noticed about here as that most people have very long commutes to or from work.  We know several people who drive 1+ hours to work one way!  So people drive from all over to get to their jobs, but it's hard to socialize with your work friends outside of work because the could easily live 2 hours or more away from you.

Since you mention people around you are 20+ years older, I'm guessing you're in your 20's, or early 30's?  DH and I are in our mid twenties.  I think social activities our age are primarily geared toward singles, and that makes it hard.  Things that are made for couples seem to be for people my parents' ages (50's).

I think there should be "meet friends" networks just like there are dating networks.  Or places designed for that kind of interaction.

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SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 30, 2008 12:46 AM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

DH and I just moved to a city where we hardly know anyone. We're planning on

University and sorority alumni groups

www.meetup.com

volunteering

joining a tennis club

If you're religious at all, church is a good place to meet people, but they're usually not the young going-out types. We're not religious, but we're looking at events via the Texas Secular Network (we're in Austin).

I would still have the feast, five people will still make a good dinner party. Ask each of the five to bring someone that they think you would like.

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 30, 2008 8:08 AM Go to message in response to: HLYflute

HLYflute, you hit the nail right on the head. FH and I are in our mid-twenties and decided not up for singles activities. I think a lot of people around our age haven't settled down yet at all. 

And it does seem like everyone commutes crazy distances to work up here. FH and I each commute about 30-45 minutes in opposite directions. 

Maybe it is a Mass thing! Everyone else's ideas are typically great, but we've done a lot of these things - we do church activities/volunteering. But everyone doing those things is 20+ years older than us too!

It just seems like we can find people to have one-time friendly conversations with or nod and say hi to, but not actually form friendships. 

Seaside,we're still having our (tiny) feast! Unfortunately, all our friend we're inviting are from our law school and have had about as much luck with this as we have! (Maybe its just that nobody likes lawyers... Smile)

Mrs Pinky and PharmTox, I think the dojo and book clubs are good ideas. FH and I are trying to come up with out of the box ideas more along those lines because all the "normal" ways haven't worked. 

Seaside, meetup.com looks like it could have some potential. I'll have to hunt through there and see if there's anything near me or FH!

Thanks ladies, I do appreciate the suggestions, even the ones we've tried and gotten frustrated with. Maybe I'll just go get another degree!

P.S. Benjamin's Bride, you shouldn't give up entirely yet!

 


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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 30, 2008 9:31 AM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

I definitely don't think its a regional thing. I think it has more to do with people working, commuting and starting families. I moved from Vancouver Canada to Charleston SC which is a bit of culture shock. I've joined some of the meetup groups. I like them because people are there specifically to meet other people. While volunteering is always great and so are other clubs people are sometimes just there for that activity and not particularly there to meet other people.

Here is the Bostom Meetups as I don't know the name of your town . I don't know how far they extend out to, but there are hundreds of them!

http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ma/boston/

Tomorrow is Halloween so I am going reverse trick or treating! Last year was our first year here and I didn't know if we would get trick or treaters and sadly we did not :( so I grabbed my bucket of candy and started knocking on our neighbors doors. Turns out we have a fellow Canadian living across the way and we are all now friends. I am going to do the same tomorrow. I figure candy is always a good ice breaker, plus people are a lot less likely to be startled by strangers knocking on their doors as its Halloween. Even if people in your building are older its always nice to know your neighbors. The retired folk make really good 'watch dogs'.

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 30, 2008 9:59 AM Go to message in response to: TanisJ

Thanks Tanis! That makes me feel a little better. 

 I agree about the volunteering stuff. We do volunteer, but most people are there to volunteer not to make friends outside of volunteering. (I do enjoy volunteering, but it doesn't get me out to dinner with someone other than just FH). 

Meetup seems quite promising. Once I put in my city and reduce the distance to 10 miles, there are about 37 groups. Some look defunct and some are DEFINITELY not for me, but there's a couple book clubs and a small dog group. Here's hoping something can come from one of those. 

Thanks to both PPs who pointed out meetup.com - this at least gets me started with some new ideas.


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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 30, 2008 10:55 AM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Hubs and I have been active recently politically, and have met lots of people that way. 

But, hands down, the best way to meet other people is by exploiting the people you already know.  Having friends introduce you to friends is the easiest way.  It sounds like you've exploited this avenue, but maybe it'll just take some more time. 


__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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B2B999 Posts : 700 Registered: 12/7/07
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 30, 2008 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

One of the things that my friends and I do is "bring someone" parties. They're normally a dinner and we each try to bring someone new and a dish, we normally end up with at least one or two new people, sometimes couples, and it is a lot of fun.

I disagree that people don't like lawyers, most people love having lawyer friends as they then feel they are entitled to free legal advice, there have been many times when I've considered having less friends for precisely that reason (or charging my friends my hourly rate - I haven't decided which yet).


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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: NWR: How do FH and I make new friends?
Posted: Oct 30, 2008 11:20 AM Go to message in response to: B2B999

B2B, I was completely kidding about the lawyer thing. I meant more because none of the 5 of us left in the area has had any luck and we're all new lawyers. (Just wanted to clarify that it was just sarcasm  to avoid any confusion there)

The "bring someone new" parties sound like a great idea once ANY of us have luck. Right now, none of us have someone new to bring.


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