Who's paying?

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NatashaAB Posts : 353 Registered: 10/6/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 7, 2008 2:52 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Its ok!

 I didnt want to sound entitled or anything. Sorry if it came across that way. I just meant in our family, it works this way. I definitely dont want my parents to pay for the whole thing. I want my fiance and I want me to pay for the wedding too. I am the last daughter and my parents want to be included and I know they dont want me to bear all costs. I know my fiance's family wants to contribute as well. Now we have to figure out all the details for the wedding and make them work!

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those matter don't mind."


kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 7, 2008 2:56 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Whos paying? How about THIS? I'M PAYING!!! Thats right... everybodys Wedding is On me!! On the house!! A round of Weddings for everyone Wooohooooo!!!! :)

Okay now we rejoin you back in Reality -

We paid for about 50% and my parents paid the other 50%. They offered to do that and almost insisted - but I also felt it was important to pay for it ourselves so it was a nice compromise. Basically I put down all the deposits for every vendor , reception hall, ceremony, everything - and we paid for all our vendors ourselves. And then my mom and Dad bought me my Gown and paid off the balance on the reception hall. We were VERY grateful.

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 7, 2008 3:05 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Ooh... I feel almost spoiled posting. My parents are paying for about half and his for about a quarter. My parents insisted (in large part because of my grandfather, who passed away last year, and (I think) left them money for both my sister's and my eventual weddings). Once my parents insisted, his parents insisted. 

Of course, they may have insisted because they knew it'd be a longer wait for us to get married if we were paying and they want grandkids...

In any event, I do recognize how lucky we are that they've been able to help AND that both sides seem very committed to FH and my vision being the most important. 



hellokitty4ever Posts : 740 Registered: 6/6/07
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 7, 2008 10:52 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

In my culture, parents pay for all portions of the wedding, but I'm finding that even in cultures where that is true, it is becoming less and less prevalent.  For my wedding, I paid for EVERYTHING.  All me!  Sometimes I say, "I'm proud of paying for my own wedding" when deep down, I'm kind of envious of those that have a little help, or a whole lot of help.  Oh well.  Such is life.



Camrynsmom Posts : 158 Registered: 2/26/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 7, 2008 11:36 PM Go to message in response to: hellokitty4ever

My FH and I are paying for everything with the exception of my dress and accessories, and the Limo (my mom was gracious enough to foot the bill for these and I thank her greatly).

What kicks me in the pants is....FIL (namely mother and sister of FH) have been complaining the whole time about the church (its mine and catholic, they are presbyterian), the fact that we are not inviting children to the wedding, his sister declined to be in the wedding (its his only sister) and they showed up for the engagement party late, stayed about 45mins and left (nor had they offered to help my mother by bringing so much as NAPKINS for neither the E party or the bridal shower).....And yet THEY STILL FEEL THE NEED TO PUT THEIR 2 CENTS IN!!  It is OUR day........Unless they plan on paying for some of it or respecting our decisions......THEY DON"T GET TO HAVE AN OPINION!!  End of story!  (wiping the sweat off my brow...lol can you sense the frustration)


PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 8, 2008 12:26 AM Go to message in response to: Camrynsmom

I'm in the minority for this post.  I am Extremely fortunate in that my parents paid for our wedding.  My parents are divorced, I'm even more incredibly fortunate in that they have always put my brother and I before their problems.  So that is huge in my life.  Anyways, I was with DH for almost 5 years before we were engaged.  My Mom basically told me what she had put aside for my wedding and that my Dad would match that, even before I was engaged - LOL.

OK, so back to the question, we paid for some things, but I honestly think that it was about 1-2% of the wedding costs.  I have a large family, but my parents were super awesome about friends.  We had the wedding of our dreams - well, we rocked out that's for sure and had an AWESOME time. 

EDIT: OOPS.  I forgot, my ILs paid for the RD.  We were very appreciative.  Again, we were very fortunate in that our parents were willing AND able to help.

Message was edited by: PharmToxGirl


teacherspet Posts : 74 Registered: 10/5/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 8, 2008 3:28 AM Go to message in response to: NatashaAB

I am funding our whole wedding. Just me, not FH, no parents, no grandparents. We told them if they felt obligated to give us money, to put it toward our home.

No one is contributing to the wedding though, because I don't want to feel obligated to do their biding. My first wedding my parents paid for all of it except the pizza rehearsal dinner. And I had absolutely NO say in it. My mom would say...this one or this one? I would pick one, and she would still get the one she wanted. NOT THIS TIME.

I won a law suit last year that left a little over six figures in my bank acct. My FH said, it is my money, if I want my dream wedding, have it. I gave him 30K toward our new home. Bought him a new car for an engagement present. Bought a new car for me, cause I needed one. And the rest I saved for my eventual wedding...I knew he would ask someday. hehe.

"You know you're in love when you can't go to sleep because reality is better than your dreams." ~The late Dr. Seuss



GatitaYMonchi Posts : 1 Registered: 10/8/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 8, 2008 11:41 AM Go to message in response to: NatashaAB

We are paying for the wedding. It's not that my parents don't have the means to pay for a great wedding, it's that they think we should pay for it. They haven't even offered any help paying for it at all. So really it just depends on your family. If they want to help they will offer or give and if they don't or can't they won't.


ciscokid Posts : 119 Registered: 8/8/07
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 8, 2008 1:52 PM Go to message in response to: GatitaYMonchi

Like pharm, I'm extremely grateful to my parents for paying for EVERYTHING. And they have been pretty awesome about just wanting us to do whatever we wanted. Even when the salesperson where I bought my dress was trying to go over my head and talk my mother into making me wear a veil (but she's the BRIDE. don't YOU WANT her to wear a veil???!!!), she said, "No. It's her wedding and I want her to be happy."

There are days when I still can't believe everything they are paying for. And they will get a very nice "wedding gift." :-)

FH's parents are also completely paying for the RD. The only thing we are paying for is essentially the honeymoon (FH) and my new clothes (and lingerie ;-)) for the honeymoon.


NotOfThisWorld Posts : 153 Registered: 10/14/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 15, 2008 1:44 AM Go to message in response to: ciscokid

Both of our families are contributing and so are we. but in my culture we hold a party called a pre wedding party and we invite our friends and family and tell them our budget is, and they give what they can. it helps a lot. like my friend just got married. she had a $15,000 budget and ppl raised $10,000 so all she had to worry about was $5000. Kenyans like to come together and help as much as they can when a wedding is being planned.

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beentogether9ye... Posts : 53 Registered: 10/7/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 15, 2008 12:02 PM Go to message in response to: NatashaAB

We haven't figured this out yet either.  Hopefully my dad will contribute.  We are planning on doing a lot of things like the cooking and designing ourselves.  His mother is making my dress (exciting!!!).  So there will only be a few areas which will cost us:

the reception site




CountryPrincess Posts : 673 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 15, 2008 12:29 PM Go to message in response to: beentogether9ye...

we haven't figured out details yet. My grandma gives each of her grandchildren a check for $12,000 every year so we're saving as much of that as we can. I know FHs family will want to contribute, but they're farmers so not sure how much they will really be able to afford. My mom may or may not contribute but most likely will. She goes back and forth. Then my grandma said she will put an additonal amount of money specifically towards the wedding. So no specific amounts set yet but a general idea of who's helping.

Also, since FHs family doesn't have a lot of money they're going to contribute in other ways. his grandma is amazing on the piano so we're going to ask her to play our ceremony music. I'm sure she'll be ecstatic because she basically raised FH. FHs aunt is a photographer so she's offering to take our pics. For the rehearsal dinner we're hosting it at his grandparent's house since its really spacious and his dad will be making all the food for it. My mom is really creative and so is FHs cousin so they'll be helping me pic decorations and such. And...I think thats it.

"I don't care how much it hurts. I don't care if its a brick wall disaster. I'd rather fight with you everday than be happy for one second with anyone else." <3

Kevin & Mari: 11/09/06 to Forever.


LilMrsSunshine Posts : 195 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 15, 2008 12:37 PM Go to message in response to: NatashaAB

FH and I never wanted a wedding had planned to go to the Virgin Islands and get married. Both of our Mother's wanted a wedding. We knew we (fh and I) didnt have the money for it because we just purchased a home that needs to be fully furnished. So the parents are paying more the majority of it. Half and Half. Our wedding and reception are at a hotel so they are splitting the cost of the venue. FH and I are paying for the Cake DJ and Photography and other lil odds and ends. My mother did purchased my gown.

Soon to Be Mrs. Parker 4-4-09



MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 15, 2008 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: NatashaAB

My mother and father seperately gave us lump sums for our wedding because they wanted to make sure the wedding was "nice."  That sum ended up being aproximately 55% of our total wedding costs.  The rest came out of my savings.

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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: Who's paying?
Posted: Oct 15, 2008 1:56 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

My parents are paying for the reception, the DJ and my dress.  We're paying for the photographer and RD ourselves.  FH's parents have not even acknowledged our engagement (even though it's been about 7 months) so I'm really not expecting anything from them.  Actually, at this point, if they don't change their attitude FH doesn't even want them at the wedding.  But I am very fortunate that my parents are willing to help us out so much.  It'll be much nicer than anything I could afford on my own.  My mom and I were butting heads at first, a LOT, but she's feeling more involved now and is pretty much willing to go with what I want. 



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