is it ok to only ask for money?

Online Users: 1,262 guest(s), 2 user(s). Replies: 11

sjms Posts : 1 Registered: 8/1/08
is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Aug 1, 2008 4:18 PM

my fiance and i already have all the stuff we need. is there a way to let people know that if they want to give us a gift that money is preferred?

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Aug 3, 2008 8:58 PM Go to message in response to: sjms

The only way to do it without being considered rude is to let family and close family members spread the info by word of mouth IF they are asked what you would like.

 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Aug 3, 2008 9:01 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

My FH and I have lived together for 3 years, and yeah.. same thing. We didn't need much.  We also are having almost everyone come in from out of town, so we felt really uncomfortable putting together a huge registry that basically (to us, anyway) says "hey, we expect you to buy something AS WELL as pay to fly here."  So, we put a few small budget items on a list, and other than that... we get what we get and we're going to be thankful for it.  We did mention to my parents though that money is always appreciated.  We didn't want to tell anyone who wanted to get us a gift that we preferred money... you can always take stuff back.  Then again, money in my family is kind of a taboo thing that  mean that you didn't take the time to shop for someone.  It's different for everyone, so judge your family based on what you know.  
wedding ticker

 

 www.chrisandsarah2008.net

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MrsA2B Posts : 30 Registered: 4/10/08
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Aug 6, 2008 9:44 PM Go to message in response to: sjms

Word of mouth via family or wedding party are the only ways to spread the word without coming off as tacky, IMO.

You know your guests best, but I'd be careful.  With my friends, this wouldnt be a big deal, but my family (esp. my mother) would be mortified and I'd risk getting disowned if they heard that FH and I mentioned wanting money for a preferred wedding gift.  To keep the peace, we are creating a small registry to give guests some ideas for gifts rather than receive a bunch of stuff that we wont use.  

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Aug 16, 2008 11:56 PM Go to message in response to: MrsA2B

I would consider registering for a few items, maybe at places that occasionally have big sales? My FH and I are on a pretty tight budget and we were able to get much "more expensive" and nicer gift for our friends by hitting a sale where they registered than we would have been able to if we were giving money. (We did enclose a gift receipt anyway, so they can always get money or store credit back). 

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SandraGlay Posts : 2 Registered: 8/13/08
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Oct 13, 2008 12:00 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

I have  a similar issue but it does not have to do with the fact that we have everything. We certainly do not. But my husband is a Marine and we will be headed to Okianawa directly following our honey moon. We will be shopping for our household items at the exchange there and they do not have gift certificates available to purchase except at that exchange. I highly doubt anyone will be flying to Oki to get that. I know a lot of the family knows we are leaving but I'm not sure if they realize we don't have the ability to ship most items. We are limited on what we can take by lbs. My idea was to register for small items we can send and let there be word of mouth from the family for cash for anything other then that. What do you think of this?

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Oct 13, 2008 12:11 PM Go to message in response to: SandraGlay

I think, in your situation, this is definitely understandable. 

I'm trying to decide if (given the lbs limitation) there is a way to discretely tell people that you simply can't ship much stuff there. 

Maybe you could put something on the invitation about celebrating your wedding before you move across the globe to the Marine base on Okinawa?....maybe that will make your guests think about either giving you smaller gifts or asking your parents/bridal party what you can bring along

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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Oct 13, 2008 1:14 PM Go to message in response to: SandraGlay

Sandra, in your situation, I wouldn't register anywhere.  Then, when people ask where you are registered, you can tell them that since you will be moving to Japan right after the honeymoon, you really wouldn't be able to transport too many items so you didn't want to register.  Hopefully, that's enough of a hint for most!

 


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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Oct 13, 2008 1:15 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Personally, I still feel that spreading that you want money through "word of mouth" is still rude.  It screams "money-hungry" to me.

I think if you have everything you need, then spread "no gifts" by word of mouth. 

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Oct 13, 2008 1:29 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I just read the part about you moving.  That would be a problem with a bunch of new stuff.

So, maybe when someone asks you, your parents, etc. what you want, just say something like "Well, they are going to be moving shortly after, so it would be best if the gifts didn't take up a lot of space."  If someone told me that, I would probably buy a gift card in lieu of an actual gift


Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Oct 13, 2008 4:20 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I agree....do not ask for money.  It is very rude....tacky etc.  It is right up there with  the money tree and wishing well.

If you do not need anything for your home, have donations made to charity.  If you get gifts, donate them to charity if you  don't need them.

The comment about returning gifts for cash made me sick.  That bride is exactly the reason I always give unreturnable gifts.

 

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SandraGlay Posts : 2 Registered: 8/13/08
Re: is it ok to only ask for money?
Posted: Oct 14, 2008 7:06 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Thank you all for the info. I agree asking for money is tacky but we also def do not fall into the crowd of "we have everything we need" far from it. We're getting our first home together and due to the limitations on moving will have very little when I get there. I think I'll do the "as tactful as possible" route of waiting if someone asks where we are registered I'll mention the fact that we can not take much. Thank you again so much!

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