Wow, just wow.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 17, 2008 5:31 PM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

Dear KKB,

" So in essence she wanted 2000 extra. She realized no one was going to throw her a party, and decided to throw one for herself, with money "donated" from her bridesmaids. "

I got the impression, first, that someone else was giving the party and they decided to each chip in $500. But, she's giving the party for herself and invoicing the bridesmaids $500???

"
trying to pull the "We use to be such great friends"

Not any more, not at $500/"friend".

Stand your ground. She can give whatever party she wants, but there's no need for you to be involved at all.

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Knoxvegas Posts : 951 Registered: 9/12/07
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 17, 2008 5:55 PM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

If she acted like this before she was a future Mrs, I wouldn't throw her a party either. Nor would I "donate" to her cause. Parties for the wedding are a GIFT from WP members, friends, family (except immediate family), not a requirement. Thank your lucky stars that you got out of this one before it got this wacky. I wonder if any of her friends will still be around after the wedding.

 

"Love is not a matter of counting the years -- it's making the years count."

-Wolfman Jack Smith

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KitKatBar Posts : 983 Registered: 7/23/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 17, 2008 7:21 PM Go to message in response to: Knoxvegas

Yeah, I've simply blocked contact with her. I don't need this extra helping of crazy right now. I agree you aren't entitled to a shower or party. If someone wants to give you one, be damn grateful for it! One of the other Bridesmaids asked me what the nicest way to bow out would be. I really think by the time her wedding rolls around she's either going to have a whole new wedding party, or find herself with zero, and I'm sure, wondering why.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 17, 2008 8:46 PM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

dear KKB,

"One of the other Bridesmaids asked me what the nicest way to bow out would be. "

I'm sorry, but it's quite impossible for me to continue, in fact I won't be able to attend the wedding itself. I will give you the dress I already have in hopes that you will be able to find a substitute. I wish you the best of luck.

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futuremrsmason Posts : 239 Registered: 3/21/08
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 17, 2008 11:47 PM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

so... everyone else has pretty much answered.

BUT, I want to see this dress!
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KitKatBar Posts : 983 Registered: 7/23/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 17, 2008 11:53 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Ok, so an update.

First, I said basically the same thing Aunt. I told her to be nice, take the high road and just explain is just wasn't possible to continue to be in the party. Offer the dress to a replacement BM if need be. Wish her luck.

She did that, and the bride told her off saying she was now on her Sh*t list, and they weren't friends anymore. The former BM can't say she's all that torn up about it.

I got another email from the bride under a different account name. She sent it after I had "regretfully" declined attending her wedding as well. (It's on Christmas eve) She told me she would just forward her address to me then so I knew where to send her gift, then told me where she was registered.

I'll take the high road once more, and send her a nice card congratulating her on her wedding, but I'm not sending her a gift. Especially considering not one thing on her registry is under 100 dollars.


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 12:06 AM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

Dear KKB,

"She told me she would just forward her address to me then so I knew where to send her gift, then told me where she was registered"

Why does this not surprise me about this particular greedy bride? (/sarcasm)

This is one friend you don't need. Drop her like a hot potato. You are totally right to send her a nice card with your best wishes, but I wouldn't spend anything more than that and the postage stamp on her.

Focus your energies on other, more deserving, people in your life.

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 2:06 AM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

OK, back from my honeymoon - and yes, I'm with ArtBride - how insane!

And yes, I'm with AOTB, why would I be surprised about her sending you the info about where to send her a wedding gift.

Do however, send her a card.  Let her know that you got her  address and wish her well - AOTB has some WONDERFUL wording suggestions.

Let her know that you have NO intention of sending her a gift. 


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 12:39 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Dear PTG,

"Let her know that you have NO intention of sending her a gift. "

Yes, but obliquely.

"You can send our gift to 123 Main St."
"Thanks for letting me know your new address. I might need it in the future."

"We are registered at Wal-Mart."
"I'll pass the info on to anyone who asks, thanks."

"It's proper etiquette to send a gift, even if you don't attend the wedding."
"Where ever did you get that idea? If that was true, people would send invitations to total strangers out of the phone book."

"I know you'll want to send a gift."
"As a general observation, it might be good to remember that gifts are voluntary, not obligatory."

"Please note that we are asking our guest to give us cash or gift cards."
"I'll keep that in mind."

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 1:07 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Seriously...who does this girl think she is? Does SHE routinely have $500 that she's not doing anything with, which she would be willing to put towards a party for someone else? If not, then WTH? That's a LOT of money, and awfully presumptuous to assume that her BMs all have $500 and want to spend it on her.

Now I would - heck, I HAVE for two weddings already this year - spend $500 or more on travel to the wedding, a BM dress, reasonable wedding and shower gifts, and other normal expenses that come with being in someone's WP. I'll even put up to $200 towards the shower and BP, if I happen to have extra money at the time. But even if I had $500 and no better way to spend it, I don't think I'd spend it on someone's BP. Heck, I wouldn't even spend that much on my OWN BP!

Oh, and every wedding-related expense should be discussed with the BMs BEFORE you commit to it! You don't say, 'You need to pay X' to your friends! You say, 'I'd like to do Y and it costs X amount. Can everybody do that?' (and if you're smart, you talk to them separetely, so there's no chance of one person seeing the others agreeing and feeling pressured to agree, even if she can't afford it).


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Message was edited by: ArtBride

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KitKatBar Posts : 983 Registered: 7/23/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 3:58 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Oh yeah, I fully plan to buy a nice card, write a nice note, and then that's it. Am I surprised that she wants a gift as well? No. Do I find it not only rude, but maybe slightly odd that not a single thing from her registry is less than a hundred bucks? Yeah, honestly I do. 

The dress she wants us to buy she found for 250 dollars. I found the same dress for less than 100, but she claims its not the same one (Even though it is). So the another bridesmaid drops out, telling her she could not financially do it. She was told to "Get a loan." Yeah, that's reasonable.

So she's now down to one bridesmaid. Karma's a bitch. 


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 4:05 PM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

Dear KKB,

And, we'll soon hear from that one bridesmaid:

"What should I do? I am a bridesmaid. There used to be three of us, but two either dropped out or got fired. The bride wants me to spend $xxx for an ugly dress, plus now I'm stuck with her $2000 bachelorette party all by myself and she's demanding I throw her a shower, as well. If I drop out, that will leave her with no bridesmaids, but I find myself secretly jealous of the other two who bailed before I did."

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KitKatBar Posts : 983 Registered: 7/23/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 4:43 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I feel bad for the remaining Bridesmaid, it's her step sister, and she's a really sweet girl. She'll stay because she won't want to upset the family unit, but honestly it's just getting crazy. 

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stargazer9 Posts : 448 Registered: 12/20/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 5:59 PM Go to message in response to: KitKatBar

Wow is right and I'm not surprised that all of her girls are leaving her.  I feel bad for the step sister too, she probably feels extra pressure to stay with her because they are related and she has to deal with her for the rest of her life in one way or another.

I'm with some of the other PPs in wanting to see this crazy dress though Lol.





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KitKatBar Posts : 983 Registered: 7/23/06
Re: Wow, just wow.
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 10:22 PM Go to message in response to: stargazer9

Update:

DANGER DANGER WILL ROBBINSON! Holy crap she's flipped her top.

So crazy bride gets my phone number from someone else's phone. I normally don't make a habit of picking up phone calls I don't recognize, but I misread the number (I should really go to the optometrist) I said hello and she starts screeching in my ear about how I turned her bridesmaids against her.  I barely contain myself and manage not to burst out laughing. I simply tell her I'm sorry she feels that way. Even though I did not talk to any of her bridesmaids until they contacted me. We all knew each other, as we went to school together for a really long time.

She tells me you can't just share friends, they were either her friends or mine. To quote her "Their mine, and you can't have them!" By this point, I'm open mouthed wondering what the heck is wrong with this chick. I mean before it was just kinda funny, but now she's talking about people as objects! I repeat "I'm sorry you feel that way." She launches into a lecture about how she won't be able to have the BP she always wanted now because she won't have the money. She didn't have the money to begin with, she was trying to extort it from her bridesmaids! Then tell her I really need to go. I hang up, and block the number. 

So yeah, it stopped being funny and just started being sad. I'm even more concerned for her poor step-sister now. I may not have been as polite as I could have been with her, because she quite frankly frazzled my nerves with all her shrieking. I do think I was still more polite with her than she deserved though.


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