How do I tell them to dress nicely

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WaMandy Posts : 25 Registered: 2/10/08
How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 1:33 AM

so I'm getting married on an october evening in a mansion in alabama.  Being Alabama, there are a few "country bumkins" invited, namely my fiancé's side of the family.  There are a few of them I have never seen in a suit, even at funerals.  How do I get them to dress properly?  Do I send those specific few a little note, saying "Please don't dress like a fool"  

 Here are a couple phrases I was thinking of

"formal attire please"--but i was told this meant a tux and thats not what I mean 

"dress in your sunday best" ---but i hate this and sunday best here aint so good.

I mean what do I say? AH. I don't want those few to feel ashamed at how underdressed they are. 

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coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 4:00 AM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

When we were at my Bridal shower the women asked what they were expected to wear and my mother cleared it up what is appropriate. We have the same problem the country bumkins both sides. So everyone thought that it was nice that she specified what the BP was wearing and everyone got the hint

 Lets not all get caught up in our wedding. Remember we should not only be planning for a our wedding but more so we should be planning for  our marriage. More so then fighting over shades of peach, tuxs, cake flavors and only god knows what else. Because the next morning it is over, guests are gone the flowers have died the cake well lets face it 1/2 of it was tossed out. Cinderella is still a maid, the limo is now a pumpkin And there is life to face ok after wild crazy monkey sex for 7 nights straight, lets not kid out selfs there are priorities After its all gone there's still bills to pay and a job to go back to

Going to the Chapel December 6th 2008

Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E

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totobride Posts : 641 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 7:02 AM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

We had this problem (mainly with my DH's family as well).  DH just talked to his mother and had her spread the word.  Several people still came in a t shirt and jeans, but really, that night, you won't notice.  That's going to be the last of the worries on your mind.  They will be the ones feeing uncomfortable.
Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 9:48 AM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

Dear Wamandy,

If someone shows up dressed inappropriately, then it's their own problem if they are ashamed. Grown-ups know how to dress for an event.

The best way to let them know is by word of mouth. Tell people that the wedding will be in the mansion, and that "dressy casual" would be expected.

Try something like this: "Hi, Bubba, bla bla bla about other stuff, oh and we're getting the word out that our wedding will be an occasion to get all spiffed up. Would you mind passing the word on to Jimmy Joe?"

Do that when Bubba is your real target. You are letting him know, obliquely, not directly.

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WaMandy Posts : 25 Registered: 2/10/08
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 11:06 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

yea, i guess that could work.  I just don't see these people that often and I doubt I'll see them before the wedding.  and you say "grown-ups know how to dress for an event" which normally I would agree with, but not these people, they'll show up in camo, ripped jeans and spittin tobacco in their lip. and THATs what they consider dressed up.

I guess it'll be alright, they'll be the ones feeling stupid, not me. 


 

 

IMGhttp://tickertocker.com/images/ticker/ticker_5e02b868a91671f9140a41f3946f33cb.png[/IMG]

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 11:13 AM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

As a person who's family IS a bunch of country bumpkins, it will be very hard to get everyone to dress in a suit and tie or even a sports coat and nice slacks.  Honesly, they may not even OWN something like that.  You could try using the terms "cocktail attire" and then just hope for the best.  Like PP said, they're grown people.  You really can't control what everone else wears.  Hell, if you see my pictures, you'll see that my BIL wore freakin JEANS in the Caribbean and had his damn sunglasses on top of his head.  What a dork!!  But hey, in the end, I'm still married and that's all that matters.

Slideshow of our wedding photos:  http://s199.photobucket.com/albums/aa135/tobiandbrian/Wedding%20Photos/?action=view&current=cb216606.pbr

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 12:50 PM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

If grown-up people don't know what's appropriate, there'sreally not much way to control that (other than choosing your family wisely LOL!). Word of mouth seems to be the best answer here.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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brix24 Posts : 165 Registered: 8/3/08
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 4:53 PM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

Ok - jeans? I would be seriously pissed if people wore jeans to my wedding. Its a day of celebration - in saying that I think we will hit that problem with my FBIL.  The fact I am a cop and he has seen the inside of a jail more more times than he should doesn't endear him to me.

He will probably snort like a pig and say 'i smell bacon' when we say our vows...  

free happiness with every moment!

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trixy612 Posts : 46 Registered: 11/5/07
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 5:17 PM Go to message in response to: brix24

OMG! I almost spit my drink out! I think I would cry if that happened to me. I hope it doesn't. 

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 12:19 AM Go to message in response to: trixy612

Maybe the phrase "semi-formal" would work to describe the dress code. It is always what they used to describe our home coming dances dress code in high school. We did not wear formal gowns but summer dresses, little black dresses, or skirts and nice tops. Maybe that would get the thought across without confusing people into thinking they should rent a tux or wear jeans.

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 12:52 AM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

Ok, I understand too.  I've got some real dingbats in my family too.  What I'm doing is taking a reverse psychological approach.  I'm either calling or emailing people to make sure to let them know they shouldn't wear a tux. 

The conversation goes something like this:

"Hi, Uncle Frank!  I was calling you to make sure that you knew how to get to the hotel for the wedding.  You do? Great.  Listen, I know everyone usually tries to dress really formal for weddings.  I just wanted you to know that you and Aunt Sue shouldn't go out and try to buy formal clothes like a tux or prom dress.  The wedding is going to be outside in April so we're going beach chic which is just fancy wording for wear your light church clothes.  I want you to be pretty but able to stay cool."

The response I've received so far is that everyone thinks I'm doing them a favor by calling and telling them to remember to dress cool.  They totally don't even realize that I've given them a dress code to stick by.  In the end, if someone shows up dressed like a crackhead, then that's on them.


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nanette927 Posts : 1,748 Registered: 1/28/08
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 12:57 AM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

Mandy; on my RSVP cards i simple stated "Sunday's best attire required / dress code srticlty inforced"  I know it sounds harsh and we really don't have "bumkins" here in Las Vegas but I sure as hell didn't want anyone showing up looking like a tourest either.  It was passed by word of mouth then I sent out the invites with RSVP cards. As people were RSVPing they were asking what they should wear. I simple told them: "Men need to wear slacks and a button up shirt and dress shoes= no jeans,no sneakers,no T-shirts and deffinatly NO HAWWIAN shirts. lol. Anyway for the women :Nice dress or slacks & blouse ,nice dress shoes, No flip flops- no t-shirts no skimpy hoochie dresses, and deffinatly no MOO-MOO's.  I made it very clear that we are haveing a VERY ELEGANT WEDDING. 

I know it may sound harsh, but here where we live, it's really not.  FH said " besides it's not like they are paying to come anyway, they can say forget it and not come, that's one less person we have to pay for." And so far all but 2 of our guests have RSPV'd.  


 

 

 


Message was edited by: nanette927

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Lorilee Posts : 437 Registered: 12/18/07
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 10:18 AM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

I've got a similar situation; my cousins don't dress up for anything. I've seen them at multiple weddings, and let me tell you; they dress like trash. But am I going to get involved and tell grown people how to dress?

No.

I've given guidlines for those who have asked, but no where did I print it on my invitations. Will they show up in trashy clothes? Most likely. But, honestly, they love me, and I want them at my wedding. I won't let their 'lack of decorum' ruin my day.

My uncle will show up in jeans, a cowboy hat/boots, and a bolo tie. My cousin will be popping out of her dress. I'm going to let it roll off my back, because it's not my fault they don't know how to dress.


Lori & Bob
October 11, 2008

 

Daisypath Wedding Ticker

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WaMandy Posts : 25 Registered: 2/10/08
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 7:56 PM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

I know theres not much I can really do about it but I kinda like the phrase casual formal-wear. just to put write on those few invitations, as a side note.  but i dont know if that makes sense.

 

 

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HLYflute Posts : 1,282 Registered: 2/5/07
Re: How do I tell them to dress nicely
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 10:00 PM Go to message in response to: WaMandy

If you're going to put something about the dress code on the invitations, I'd just put it on all of them.  Suppose you only put it on Cousin Bob's, then cousin Bob calls Aunt Sue to find out what that means?  That could be a disaster....

Rather than casual formal wear, which I think would confuse many (is it casual?  is it formal?) you might try a phrase like "semi-formal attire."  To me that means jacket and tie for the guys and cocktail dresses for the ladies. 

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