DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?

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RoBelle Posts : 1,236 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:22 AM Go to message in response to: Love2u

I'm really so sick of these pre-school questions.  I was always taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. . . so in this case I won't say too much. 

BUT I WILL SAY. . .

I don't get how people can think that this whole fricken world revolves around THEM.  I mean really!  Is it THAT bad?  OK SOOOOO she's a few years older than you.  SOOOOO WHAT!!!!  You father is happy.  Leave him B!!!  Let him LIVE!!!  He's NOT breaking any laws, and neither is she.   OH BUT WAIT. . . YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET HER!!   RIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHT!!!!

GEESH, WHERE'S THE LOVING SUPPORT FROM FAMILY WHEN YOU NEED IT?!

(((SIGH))) NOOOOOOO you can NOT invite YOUR dad and NOT his WIFE!!!  THEY ARE A COUPLE. . . .  UNITED AS ONE. . . . WHICH YOU WILL BE SHORTLY WITH YOUR HUBBY and I KNOW you wouldn't want ANYONE to stand in between the two of you now would you!!! 


 

 


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Lorilee Posts : 437 Registered: 12/18/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:22 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Whoa.

 Somehow I missed the comment about blaming your stepmother for ‘breaking your parents up’. That’s immature. I know you don’t like that he got remarried, but he did, and she is a part of his life now. Like it or not, not inviting his wife will do one of two things.

1)you’re going to alienate yourself from your father, or 2) you’re going to add stress by not having him around.

 Believe it or not, I know where you’re coming from. My mother died following a head-on collision which was caused by somebody driving into my lane. Basically, I felt like it was my fault my mother died, since I was driving. My father started dating four months after my mother died. Four months.  I had to accept that fact, and while the situation isn’t quite the same here, I will say this; your father deserves some happiness, and I think even you would agree on that. If this woman makes him happy, then why risk ruining your relationship with your father? Clearly, she does make him happy.  

Not inviting his new wife isn’t the way to go. Invite her, meet her before the wedding, and suck it up. You’ll be walking on air and not realize she’s there.


Lori & Bob
October 11, 2008

 

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DawnaCrystal Posts : 990 Registered: 4/7/08
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:23 AM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Yes, you do have to invite her. Especially if you want to go on taking your daddy's cash. You're 28, come on. You knew the answer to this already.

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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:23 AM Go to message in response to: Love2u

Hmmm..

Let's give her the benefit she's real.

You haven't even met the lady and you dislike her already. Someone before says it takes two-so true! Can't you be happy because your Dad's happy? After all he's done for you!

I would be ashamed to even THINK of not wanting to invite the both of them.  


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ginmal Posts : 396 Registered: 1/11/08
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:24 AM Go to message in response to: pissed08

Ok, so I just have to say it. Your dad put you through 7 years of college, you are 28 years old (meaning have been a legal ADULT for 10 years) you are living off your mother all the while making 40K a year and have over 30K in your 401K, and your father contributed 27K to your wedding and you are bitching about not wanting his new wife at your wedding. Get over yourself. Stand on your own two feet and start acting like an adult. As much as your father has done for you in the past it would be terribly rude of you not to invite his wife to your wedding...especially since your dad is contributing such a large amount FOR your wedding. You sound like a spoiled brat who will stomp her feet and slam her door when she does not get what she wants. Maybe you are a teeny bit jealous of his wife?

Sorry if this comes off as harsh....but if your dads new wife attending your wedding is the least of your problems...especially when you are still as an adult mooching off your parents you have quite a bit of growing up still to do!


**Formerly Gin & Gin13...forgot my password!! LOL**


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JodiMarie Posts : 185 Registered: 3/5/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:42 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I would say unless you want to start a bad or strained relationship with your dad, yes you should invite her. You need to face that your parents marriage is no longer intacted for whatever reasons and face reality as it is. At least he was man enough to end it with your mother when he realized it wasn't working anymore. It could be alot worse belivie me.

How would you feel if your father was having an 11 yr affair with this girl who was a year younger than you and just happened to be a former student of his. He moves her into the house into your old bedroom under the excuse she is like another daughter to him, doesn't have anywhere else to go and he just wants to help her out. Becomes her godfather all the while carrying on an deep and intimate relationship with her everytime your mother is away. Taking the money that was meant for you and spending it on her and her college education, giving her a car, letting her live rent-free and buying expensive presents and anything else she desires. Giving you money and gifts only as a bribe so that you will keep the his secrets and not tell your mother. How would you feel if your mother was still a devoted and wonderful wife to your father, when all the while your father claims to love your mother but is really just using her. Worse yet he expects you and everyone else to view this as normal and just accept it because it makes him happy, and wants you to include this woman in all your family gatherings and moments. Not Real? Well, this is exactly the situation that my and husband and I are having to deal with, with his mother, (my-mother-in-law). So you see it could be alot worse. At least your dad was man enough to end it with your mom when he knew it wasn't working instead of trying to live two lives.

I can understand your feelings but I do agree with some of the other posters that you sound like you need to do a little growing up. Whatever went wrong in your parents marriage is between them, you should not be in the middle of it. It also did not just happen overnight, I'm sure that there have been problems for awhile with your parents that maybe you just didn't realize. Is you mom angry and spiteful of course, but you shouldn't be taking sides at all. If you dad is happier now just be grateful for that, be mature and try to see the situation for what it is. Maybe your mom will eventually find someone else too.

Jodi 


Married Sept 29, 2007, I am now Mrs. Pollack. 7 months of marriage so far and everything is great.

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Pamlin Posts : 958 Registered: 10/26/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:53 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I'm totally with Art and Nessie on this. 

I'm not sure WHY you felt the need to mention how much money you make, how much is in your 401K, and how much your dad has paid for your college education and has given you money, but between that and the fact that you're 28 and still living with your mom, it really sounds like you've never had to stand up on your own and make your way in the world.   

You haven't even met your stepmother (and personally, not going to the wedding -without direct cause- was pretty rude of you.  I'm surprised that Dad gave you $27,000 for the wedding despite your rudeness)  I think you should absolutely make an effort to meet your dad's new wife, and get to know her.  You're blaming her for something that is all in your mind.  You don't know the circumstances of how and when they met and fell in love, you're just jumping to conclusions.

Suck it up, send them an invite, and make an effort at getting to know the woman your dad loves.


Pamlin

The wedding will be lovely, but it's the next day and every day after that makes me truly excited.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 10:25 AM Go to message in response to: pissed08

DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?

Yes, you do.

It would be extraordinarily selfish not to.  You haven't even met her.  You have no idea what went on in your parents marriage, and frankly it's none of your business.  If I were your father, I would refuse funding your wedding if you did not invite her. 

How do I tell my dad I love him and want him there but NOT his new wife? 

As I said earlier, you don't.  Instead, you meet them both one day over dinner before the wedding and apologize for not going to his wedding.  You make an attempt to get to know the woman who has brought your father -- the man you say that you love very much and are very close to -- happiness.  You do that because you are a mature adult who understands that your parents are grown-ups who get to make their own decisions in life and it's time to take the wool from your eyes and recognize them as such.

Good luck.


__________________________________________
"I'm asking you to believe.  Not just in my ability to bring about real change in Washington. . .I'm asking you to believe in yours." - Barack Obama

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BoysMissLady Posts : 932 Registered: 1/18/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: pissed08

Yes.  Who cares how old this woman is.  Who cares what the circumstances are.  There is no way to tell your dad you want him at your wedding but not his wife.  In fact you need to apologize for not coming to his wedding.  We don't always like what family members do or who they chose to love, but you have to respect his choice.  Your father is an adult and so are you...grow up!

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

sounds to me like if you are making your "whopping" 40K a year and living at home, being supported by your mom, you really should have enough to pay for your own wedding, dont you think?

Frankly I am shocked and appalled that your father would even give you money considering you didnt even show at his wedding and havent made any effort to meet his new wife.

wah wah--there are REAL problems in this world.


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rubyred1 Posts : 968 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 11:02 AM Go to message in response to: pissed08

I can't stand my father's girlfriend.  I paid for my own college, my own first car, I moved out when I was 19 and have lived on my own and paid all my own bills since.  I am a teacher, I make little money and I'm still inviting her to my wedding, which by the way, I am paying for MYSELF!  Whether you like her or not, you love your dad.  It's only one day.


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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 11:50 AM Go to message in response to: pissed08

O...M...G...!! Are you serious??...and daaaaaaaaaamn, I thought I could be a bitch!!!...

Yep, life sucks sometimes....give your father his money back and invite who you want!! But, you are 28...and will probably never grow up!....your poor dad!!

ROFLMAO....ummmm...what makes you think she WANTS to come to your wedding in the first place??? Of course, she probably would come...but you are way, way, waaaaaaaaay too full of yourself!!


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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 12:22 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

This shouldnt even be a question of if you should or should not... Who cares if your dad is remarried and has a new wife... Your dad has been there for you and supported you...

So he wants some young nookie...  If you don't invite her you'll put your dad in a hard spot...

PIssed08 you really need to grow up...  Your going to be a married woman... stop acting like a child... You should have went to your dads wedding... He's Your FATHER!   He has been good to you... Shame on you for not attending.

This is your dads wife... How can you not invite him.. What if doesnt attend your wedding?  because he wants to support his wife and stand by her... Then you'll hate him because he ruined your day and didnt walk you down the aisle...

your selffish...

This is stupid... Someone needs to smack you upside your head and tell you to grow up...

It isnt her fault your parents divorce.... IT's YOUR PARENTS... It seems as though your dad cheated thats why you blame her.  If thats the case then your dad is to blame... He's the one who couldnt keep his pecker where it should.

And Your getting married... Wow... really grow up!


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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 7:23 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

I have to say that I think everyone here is being really harsh and mean with their replies; I feel for your situation and ....

Oh never mind. I cant type this with a straight face.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously. Are you serious? You cant be. Seriously. No. Really.

First off, what was the purpose of telling everyone how much money you make, your retirement fund,etc etc? Who cares? That has nothing at all to do with the topic.

From your screenname; PISSEDOFF: It doesnt take a genius to figure out you have a lot of resentment toward your dads new wife. Thats a shame. I know it must be hard to accept someone new in his life.. really.. BUT you need to grow up and realize that your parents marriage is over; and your dad now has a NEW marriage. You know; he could be like a lot of lousy fathers out there and dump his KIDS (you) for his "new family." But he hasnt done that. Hes a good father. He has supported you your whole life, from what you say. You are really close. Well, dont you think it is hurting HIM that you A. didnt go to his wedding? and B. wont even MEET his wife? Yes, it will take time to accept this person and you dont have to love her; but you NEED to move on and stop acting like a child here.

Invite them both to the wedding. Obviously.

And maybe apoligize to your dad for your immature behavior in the past. Then.. stop acting immaturely. Immediately.

And if you cant do that; do not take one penny from your father for your wedding. Thats just rude.

 


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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 8:06 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

Pissed08, I don't know if you are even real and if you are real I don't know that you have even been reading these replies.  With that being said, I will throw my own advice into the ring!

It is apparent from the tone of your email that you have a feeling of entitlement and that you are going to do what you want to do.  You seem like the kind of person who asks for advice because it is something you should do but you aren't going to take it and are going to do what you were going to do in the first place.

So, don't invite your dad's wife.  But when you do that I suggest you go over your budget and start cutting back until you reach a number that YOU (with all that money you make from your "really easy job"- seriously, that is something you are proud of?) can pay for BY YOURSELF because I guarantee you that once you have slapped your dad in the face nice and hard by not inviting his wife (who you have never even given a chance- she COULD be a total witch but you wouldn't really know that because you never met her) he is going to stop being the World's Most Generous Dad and is going to finally give you what you deserve: nothing.

I, too, have generous parents who would do anything to help me when I needed it.  It is a wonderful thing to have backup like that and it definitely makes me feel more comfortable taking (calculated) risks because I know they will support me if I fall.  However, I have NEVER taken advantage of them like you have taken advantage of your dad.  When you tell him his wife is not invited he is going to feel like the biggest idiot in the world for having been so generous for so long and given you so much and gotten nothing in return but a spoiled brat. 

I am actually quite surprised that your father has continued to be generous with you after you were invited to his wedding but did not attend.  Your father sounds like a real stand-up guy, he doesn't deserve to have a daughter who treats him so poorly.

I don't know what, if any, role your stepmom played in your parents's divorce but even if she was a part of it she is still the woman your father loves and she deserves a certain level of respect until she has proved herself to be a bad person.  And, frankly, I doubt that she was the sole cause of the divorce- when someone cheats there generally are a number of other issues that led up to the cheating that were just as big of a reason to divorce as the affair was.  What I am saying is that there were probably a number of reasons for the end of your parents's marriage that you are unaware of and you don't need to be taking out all your anger on one woman who you have never even met.

So here are your choices:

1. Put your foot down and refuse to invite your stepmom to your wedding and then face the consequences from your dad which could include him taking back the money he gave you for it (which is TOTALLY within his rights).

2. Grow up and invite her.  If you go this route I would strongly recommend you meet her a couple of times beforehand to avoid a REALLY awkward situation.

I really hope you choose #2- I think that in the end you will be happy that you did.

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