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Just wondering...surprise engagements

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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: Just wondering...surprise engagements
Posted: May 19, 2008 1:05 PM Go to message in response to: We2Heart

Well, when I got my ring wasn't really a surprise. But when he actually first asked me was. We were laying in the back of his Expedition at a Big lots (don't ask why) it went like this:

Him: "You know, everyone keeps asking when we are getting married, so why aren't we getting married yet?"

Me: Because you haven't asked me.

Him: Is that the only reason why we aren't?

Me: Does that mean I need to plan a wedding?

Him: Is that a yes?

Yeah, soooo unromantic. But we didn't tell anyone about that for a few weeks, I wanted to pick somethings out before I started telling people. So, I was going to tell his parents and mine on my brithday, but he told me not to. We weren't going to get to spend my birthday together, but we would be together the next night. I asked him why I couldn't tell and he said "Wait til Saturday, I want you to have a ring before you tell people." So I knew it was coming on my birthday. But it was still sweet, he cooked me dinner and had candles lit, sooo sooo sweet.

Oh! But the funny thing, after he asked me the first time at Big Lots, he goes, "Well crap, I just ruined my plan." He had planned on proposing to me when we went to Gatlinburg in December.


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FinallyMrsS Posts : 1,037 Registered: 3/29/08
Re: Just wondering...surprise engagements
Posted: May 19, 2008 1:06 PM Go to message in response to: EveT2007

This could just be me, but I think it would be romantic. I am picturing it similar to the scen in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when he proposes to the girl. I thought that was so sweet. If my bf proposed to me in bed, I would say yes. But I think it depends on your actual relationship.

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We2Heart Posts : 452 Registered: 10/11/07
Re: Just wondering...surprise engagements
Posted: May 19, 2008 1:32 PM Go to message in response to: FinallyMrsS

Wow, it's great to hear everyone's opinions on this.  While I believe it is always proper to discuss marriage before committing to the decision to get married, I guess I'm kind of an old fashioned romance kind of girl. I loved that I was surprised, I loved that he asked for permission from both my parents, I loved that he did it in front of my family (a part of me that is important in my life), and I will even admit, I loved that everyone, including my BFF knew before me (even though I always tell her I hate you for not telling me it was coming).

Hamilton - I know what you mean.  It seems pretty sexist.  The passive dependent woman waits for her strong independent man to decide to get married.  Hm. Putting it that way is actually contradictory to the times.  But again, I'm a fan of the "old fashioned straight-from-the-movies romance" of the get down on one knee proposals.  When I started this thread, I intended to find out if there were others who just didn't expect the timing of their proposal.  OR like Eve's first post, a completely random proposal. 

Also, along the lines of living together before marriage.  I am living with my FH currently.  But it's more the mindset that we're kind of already married in our hearts, just not officially on paper. I do agree that in some cases to do such with the mind set to "see how well we live together" can be detrimental to the relationship.  In cases like those, I see the couple as intending to see if their personalities clash while living together.  But if the intent was to "work the kinks out", I would find that to be helpful. Because you begin your life with your partner learning to make compromises and work arguments out prior to being married.  This is what I feel.  If there is any evidence to suggest it's not the case, please feel free to explain.


**I love him like a fat kid loves cake**  Kiss

**It just hit me that in 4 months, I will become the Mrs. to my Mr.**

 

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We2Heart Posts : 452 Registered: 10/11/07
Re: Just wondering...surprise engagements
Posted: May 19, 2008 2:19 PM Go to message in response to: EveT2007

Eve-

Thank you for sharing your story.  While obviously I have never been married before, being close to my family, I have seen how hard a divorce can be when the committment level is just not there during the marriage.  I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I will agree and disagree with you on the proposals being outdated.  I agree that the romantic dinner by candle light proposal is outdated.  But the part of me that is still a little girl believing in fairytales wants to disagree.  LOL  In my opinion, a marriage proposal is a timeless classic. There may be some who disagree, but again, like in my PP, I like the old fashioned romance.  Now a days, there are so many different ways to propose.  There is no one perfect way to do it, because it depends on the couple.  Their desires, needs, and state of the relationship. It doesn't have to be fancy...example, my aunt's husband proposed to her at a CPD/CFD Baseball game. Not fancy, but it worked for them, and in my opinion very romantic.

As for the "proposal in bed" topic....I too imagine a scene like the one in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where he had already had the intention and the ring waiting.  In that case, yes, I would accept.  But if we had just had a mad crazy wild romp in the sack, as your sex tips book would probably suggest, then no, I would not count that as a real proposal nor would I accept.  Frankly I might have gotten angry if that happened.  After having sex, hormones and emotions are all over the place.  It's like a new couple having sex and someone slips the first "I love you".  I would imagine it's an awkward feeling.


**I love him like a fat kid loves cake**  Kiss

**It just hit me that in 4 months, I will become the Mrs. to my Mr.**

 


Message was edited by: We2Heart

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Just wondering...surprise engagements
Posted: May 19, 2008 2:51 PM Go to message in response to: We2Heart

Regarding the "proposal-in-bed" thing.  When FH proposed (finally!), we had been watching TV in bed talking about the fall garden we were going to plant (we were living together in separate facilities at that time), when he rolled over and ever so casually asked me to marry him.  That was one of the reasons I was thrown off.  He really is romantic, and I never would have expected him to formalize things the way he did.  He thought it was "cute" to see me so flustered.
Love2uKiss

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rubyred1 Posts : 970 Registered: 8/9/07
Re: Just wondering...surprise engagements
Posted: May 19, 2008 6:17 PM Go to message in response to: Love2u

My proposal was in no way a surprise.  I knew exactly what was going on the day he asked.  We went to the zoo and he was waiting around by the lions, I tried to leave, he made me stay.  He wanted to wait until no one was around and ask, so he did.  I knew it was going to happen, I knew he had the ring, we picked it out together and I was with him when he picked it up from the store.  I also knew that when he went back into our room before he left it was for the ring.

I live with FH.  Before he left for his first deployment (since we've been together, 6th total) in 2006 he moved into my apartment about 3 weeks before he left.  When he got home from his individual assignment in 2007 we got our own apartment together.  Financially it makes sense for us to live together, but we are the same as a PP and are already married in our hearts and minds, we just don't have the paper.


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Amyh1208 Posts : 3 Registered: 5/5/08
Re: Just wondering...surprise engagements
Posted: May 20, 2008 12:35 PM Go to message in response to: We2Heart

I was definitely shocked when he proposed!  I was hoping that it was going to happen soon, but I didn't really think it actually would.  We hadn't really discussed it previously, and he kept everything a total secret from me even though he told my friends, lol.  It's a miracle they managed to keep the secret from me!  I think they were almost as excited as I am, haha

                 Whatever souls are made of,his and mine are the same. - Emily Bronte     

 

                                                                                                                       

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JulyBby22 Posts : 76 Registered: 1/16/07
Re: Just wondering...surprise engagements
Posted: May 20, 2008 12:45 PM Go to message in response to: We2Heart

Mine was a complete surprise and I wouldn't change a thing! Before he did it, we talked about marriage but I always assumed that it would be farther in the future. But he totally shocked me and I had no idea it was coming.  We went for a walk on the beach one night (which is where we used to go all the time when we first met and fell in love there) and thats where he did it, he got down on one knee and everything! I don't remeber every detail but I do remember that he almost put the ring on the wrong finger because he was so nervous. lol

 But as far as the surprise of it, I would not change a thing! I loved the way he proposed and I dont think it would have been as romantic if I knew it was coming.

 


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