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Seeing this too often

Online Users: 1,374 guest(s), 1 user(s). Replies: 86

Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 4:04 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I just don't read and respond to the posts that don't apply/don't interest me/or are completely whacked. 
Love2uKiss


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MrsCP3 Posts : 456 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 4:07 PM Go to message in response to: Love2u

I would just like to point out that when you register on brides.com and have to select whether you're the bride, groom, or whatever, there's an option for "almost engaged".

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Fitzer Posts : 643 Registered: 8/7/07
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 4:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I agree and disagree.  Clearly, there are some obnoxious ones, where the "bride" is too caught up in wanting a wedding rather than marriage.  It's a gray area, but by and large you can tell when someone just wants to look at wedding gowns and have the spotlight on them as they show off a ring to their jealous friends.

BUT, and you knew there was a "but" coming, I also understand getting the bug a bit early.  I should understand, I was one of them.  We had a situation where, due to how life was unfolding, we had to start making future life decisions with each other in mind, which we could have done as a cohabiting couple rather than engaged couple, but we felt, they were huge enough decisions, that we wanted that commitment.  It came down to "are we in it to win it?" and we decided yes, we were.  As for waiting for the actual proposal, yeah, we could have let that go and just considered ourselves engaged, but FH wanted his moment to get down on one knee.

I totally get the concept that if a couple has already decided they want to get married, aren't they engaged?  However, on the flip side, I think you need a clear line in the sand between not-engaged and engaged.  And I think that if a couple hasn't discussed getting married before the official proposal, they're crazy.  I can't imagine what it would be like to truly be proposed to out of the blue.


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FutureMrsNajar Posts : 159 Registered: 11/15/07
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 4:38 PM Go to message in response to: MrsCP3

lol you are right! There is an option for "almost engaged" I dont think its a big deal. These girls just want support and advice just like the rest of us.

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

~ June 28, 2008 ~

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PALMETTOMOON Posts : 532 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 4:53 PM Go to message in response to: Lori82

Lori-

You've got more accomplished regarding you're wedding day than some girls who are "officially" engaged...wedding date, church and reception venue booked.  I just have to ask why you don't think you are engaged yet?  Just the ring?


www.mywedding.com/lizandkevin

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HamiltonBride Posts : 140 Registered: 7/30/07
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 4:57 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

I agree completely that the women on here obsessing over when and whether their boyfriends will propose or who are already planning their weddings should, perhaps, step away from the keyboard. Obviously, everyone is different and while I could not and would not tolerate some man expecting me to wait until he decided that he was ready to marry without much of a say I understand that some women want the big surprise proposal. Anyway, to my point, I read a book back in the autumn called, "I Do But I Don't" by Kamy Wicoff that I think really captures the dichotomy that some many North American women go through regarding proposals, trying to 'behave independent and nonchalant' to elicit a proposal.   

I vote that they propose themselves if it is so vital to them!

proposal
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Lori82 Posts : 151 Registered: 3/21/08
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 5:09 PM Go to message in response to: PALMETTOMOON

Palmettomoon-

 I do consider myself engaged, just not officially. My FH has said that he wants to marry me and we talk about the plans we want to make, who we want to invite, etc....We just haven't had the official proposal where he gets down on one knee and officially asks me.

We had actually planned on getting engaged last summer, but decided to wait an extra year due to both of our financial situations. We are definitely having a wedding on a budget, so we decided we should book the hall that we thought was quite the bargain before we waited too long and it booked up on us.

FH was somewhat hesitant to book the hall, church, and date before he proposed, but now that it's done he thinks it's a great idea. He is, by nature, and procrasinator, so doing anything ahead of time is unheard of for him. At first we agreed that even though we booked the date, we weren't going to tell anyone what it was until he proposed. That lasted a few days before he started telling all his friends and family when the wedding was. So, he is rather used to the idea and glad we have all the basic plans set. We even made up our initial guest list, which needs to be cut down of course!





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MrsAWarner Posts : 191 Registered: 2/18/08
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 5:37 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

What I don't understand is this obsession with the ring. Does having a ring mean that you are engaged? If I take my ring off does that mean that I am no longer engaged to my fiance?

IMO if you have discussed getting married in depth, and you both agree on it and even go so far as to set a date, then you ARE engaged ring or not. What's all this make it 'official' by getting down on one knee with a ring crap?

I'm sorry ladies, I don't mean to sound so harsh but marriage is a mutual decision that has nothing at all to do with the rock he puts on your finger.  For the girls that are here who are saying they are 'almost' engaged because they and their BFs have sat down, had a serious discussion and decided they want to do it-you are basically engaged. It's really that simple. A ring is not necessary.

Now, getting off of my soapbox and onto the actual topic of the thread, lol. I really don't have an opinon one way or the other about the ladies who are almost engaged. If they seem way too crazy about it then it kinda bothers me, but for the most part I guess I've been fortunate in not coming across some of the more extreme threads. Smile


 

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Fitzer Posts : 643 Registered: 8/7/07
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 5:46 PM Go to message in response to: MrsAWarner

I see what you're saying.

However, I think it's not that the ring makes it official, rather it's the definitive "Will you marry me" question and answer that makes it official.  And I think a couple kind of needs that official "Will you?" commitment.  Once you've said "Yes, I will marry you" it's black and white, no mistake.  That definitive question-response could occur during a serious discusion, often, that discussion ends up more "well, we really love each other and think we're ready, we both want to get married" which is great, but an actual commitment hasn't necessarily been made.

But I agree, the ring isn't, or shouldn't be, the be all and end all of who is and who is not engaged.


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MrsAWarner Posts : 191 Registered: 2/18/08
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 6:12 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

I agree with you on that. It just doesn't seem to be how most people think though. They feel like that question should come with a ring in order for it to count.

I didn't know my FH was going to propose-but I did know that we wanted to get married. From the point that we talked about things in depth I considered us engaged-even though I didn't have a ring yet. I would have been just as happy if he didn't offically propose and just said 'hey, lets talk dates and venues'. I just feel like the ring is way too glamourized and for some people takes over the true meaning of marriage.


 

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wisgirl Posts : 115 Registered: 9/11/06
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 8:01 PM Go to message in response to: MrsAWarner

If people who aren't engaged yet aren't welcome then what about all of the posters who got married over a year ago?  What about people who are just on here because their kids or are getting married or who got married a long time ago?  If you disagree with actions some people have posted about (like going through their boyfriend's stuff - and I agree) then post on that thread and tell them, but don't say that certain people shouldn't be welcome on the board.  Who are you to say that anyway?  You've either never posted before or you're too cowardly to post this under your real name.

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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 8:13 PM Go to message in response to: Fitzer

I think it's not that the ring makes it official, rather it's the definitive "Will you marry me" question and answer that makes it official.  And I think a couple kind of needs that official "Will you?" commitment. 

I totally agree. That's why I don't quite understand how a couple that has had the discussion, set a date, booked a hall, and told everyone about it, but doesn't have a ring or a "get down on one knee" moment can say that they're "not official."

As for who should be here, I have no problem with soon-to-be engaged (or hoping to be) girls coming here and participating. If they're too obsessed or immature for anyone's taste, then just don't answer them.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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chandra218 Posts : 22 Registered: 2/4/08
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 8:41 PM Go to message in response to: myra

"...Yes, the 17 y.o. scare me more...or just as much.  How about they try being an adult first, then a wife! One girl was commenting on how she was gonna start planning the wedding after graduation...HIGH SCHOOL, that is:("

This is the most ridiculous thing I have read on here. What in the world does age have to do with the matter? I got engaged when I was 17 and started planning right away. I'll be married, this summer, at the ripe old age of 19. I was the first girl in my highschool to get engaged and will be the first one married. So what? What's so scary about that?

OMG We're young. We're getting married. We're still in college. I'm not 30 years old with a mortgage and a THEMED wedding. It's soooo scary...

Please


...July 11, 2008...

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B2B999 Posts : 702 Registered: 12/7/07
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 9:14 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think most of can related to that period of time in which we have discussed marriage with our significant other but nothing official has occured.

There are a lot of women on here that concern me here more then the "pre-engaged ones" and on behalf of the brides on here THANK YOU to all the wives that still come on here as your advice is invaluable.

I do not have a problem with them posting, though I agree that if I had done this prior to becoming engaged I would have driven FH INSANE!!!!! 

There is value and fun in every stage in a relationship so my recommendation to those women not yet engaged would be to enjoy the stage you're in. The anticipation is fun :-)  


When is my wedding

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,057 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Seeing this too often
Posted: May 16, 2008 9:55 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i feel bad when i see the posts from the girls and i think why isn't it happening?  is it going to happen or are they being strung along either by a guy or their own dreams?

 

it gives me anxiety just reading the post sometimes!  poor girls!

 

but i do agree they have just as much right to be here if not more than me being that my wedding was 6 months ago! 



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