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NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?

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daybug Posts : 159 Registered: 10/7/07
NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 27, 2008 9:09 PM

OK, so FBIL we'll call him Jeff, is our best man, and is single. he's 29, good-looking, and a total sweet heart. He's got what he calls a 'friend' ...we'll call her Carrie. They spend A LOT of time together. She'll come over to the house (he lives with his parents) and hang out, watch movies, whatever. FH and I were in town a couple months ago and we stayed in with Jeff and just had some cocktails at the house. Carrie ended up joining us later in the evening and left at about 2 a.m. when we went to bed. FH and I were visiting FILs  again this weekend and Carrie was there all afternoon today, took a little nap on the couch, and then stayed for dinner. Nice girl, very pleasant, so no big deal. But here's the thing....SHE'S MARRIED!!!! She has been married I guess since last August, but she is with Jeff ALL THE TIME! Like I said, hanging out at the house till all hours of the night, staying for dinner and whatnot. Her husband has never come over, just her, so it's not like all three are friends. Now, FH and I just think this is wrong. And please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to pry in Jeff's life, but we just don't want to see him get hurt. He knows she's married, and swears they're just friends and nothing physical has ever happened between them. The one night she'd stayed real late, FH straight up asked her what was going on with her and Jeff and she said the same thing, that they're just friends. She also said, though, that had she met Jeff before her wedding, she wouldn't have gone through with it. I just think this is crazy and it's REALLY hard for me to try to be nice to her because I feel like she's leading him on. I know he's a big boy and all, but seriously, this can't be normal. I know if my FH was always with another woman, just friends or not, I'd be pretty ticked. I mean, FH even asked her "What does your husband think of you staying over here till all hours of the night and always hanging out with my brother?" She was like, "Well, he doesn't really like it, but there's nothing he can do about it since we're just friends."  WHAT?!?! I'm interested to hear what you ladies think of this....

wisconsin , june_2008
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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 27, 2008 9:31 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

If it was my DH (currently FH) I would have a problem with it.  SO I understand where you are coming from.

But, it's not your business (now I'm saying this honestly, not trying to be nasty).  Jeff's a big boy and it sounds like your FH, his brother, has already broached the subject.

Unfortunately, it's just going to have to run its course. 


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WeddingBelle08 Posts : 118 Registered: 7/31/07
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 27, 2008 9:32 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

This story tells me that "Carrie" and her husband are not on good terms. I don't think that many married men would be okay with their wives hanging out a guy all the time who is just a "friend" ,especially since they became friends after the wedding. Now, don't get me wrong, I truly believe that it's okay when those of the opposite sex are friends... HOWEVER, some lines have to be drawn. Staying over until 2 am and taking naps on the family couch are past the line. Your FBIL should realize what's goin on though and maybe he knows more about her situation, i.e. she's not in a healthy marriage.

What concerns me most though is that she said if she met your FBIL before the wedding, she would have never went through with the wedding. This tells me that she has feelings for FBIL.

I don't know what else to say besides no, I don't agree with it and yes, it is wrong.


**On June 28, 2008... I'm tying the knot!!**

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TakeBackYourWed... Posts : 139 Registered: 4/5/08
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 27, 2008 9:42 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

That is so sad.  Carrie is having an emotional affair on her husband and Jeff is in total denial.  Jeff is most likely waiting for Carrie to finally break it off with her husband so they can get together.  Sadly if someone has an affair while married, the chances of marital success the next marriage are extremely low.

Your FH can put some pressure on his brother that what they're doing is having an emotional affair, but of course nothing will really come of him saying that. 

Very, very sad.


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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,963 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 27, 2008 9:46 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

Sounds like Jeff and Carrie like eachother.

Which, given she's married, is a tad. . .shall we say. . .complicated.

But, none of your business.  If you are uncomfortable around her, and I understand if you are not, you'll simply have to let your fiance know, who will let his brother know and hopefully you won't have to spend much time around her.  But, Carrie and Jeff are adults, and they will deal with the reality of what they're doing eventually.  

Meanwhile, you'll never really know the whole story.  You don't go home with Carrie after she leaves Jeff's house.  You don't know what she tells her husband, or what her husband's like.  You don't know the reasons why they got married or their particular understanding.  Who knows what is going on in that house.  Chances are, your FBIL really doesn't know either.  

Just sounds like both Carrie and your FBIL are in a weird place.  I'm curious. . .has FBIL hinted at or said that he has feelings for her? Or vice versa?  Definately sounds like they are playing with fire. . . .


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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 27, 2008 11:01 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

Dear Daybug,

It is none of your business.

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daybug Posts : 159 Registered: 10/7/07
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 27, 2008 11:15 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

You're right. None of my business. I was just curious as to what you all thought. Thanks for the input.

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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 28, 2008 12:00 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

I'm not trying to pry in Jeff's life, but we just don't want to see him get hurt.. . .it's REALLY hard for me to try to be nice to her because I feel like she's leading him on

Let me echo the others--it's none of your business. As you've said, he's a big boy now, he knows she's married, and if she's "leading him on,' he'll have to deal with it. As for having difficulty being nice to her--why would you? There's no excuse not to be polite (nice), whatever your personal opinions may be.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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mobride09 Posts : 521 Registered: 3/5/08
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 28, 2008 12:51 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

I understand your concern for you FBIL, but it will have to run its course, and it sounds like your FBIL will probably end up getting hurt because of it.  It sucks that you can't do anything (I'm a meddler so I understand) but you really can't.  I hope everything works out for you though.

 


I marry the man of my dreams 5/2/09!

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,947 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: NWR (long) - Is it me, or is this just wrong?
Posted: Apr 28, 2008 1:13 AM Go to message in response to: mobride09

Dear Daybug -- Just to clarify, when you say "she comes over to the house" you're talking about Jeff's house, i.e. his parents' house, is that right?  Not your house?  Because if it was your house, I would say you'd be entirely within your rights to tell Jeff he is not welcome to bring her over.  He can do as he pleases on his own territory, but not in your house if it makes you uncomfortable.

If it's his (his parents') house, then I agree with the PPs, it is not your business and all you can do is stay out of the way.  Sooner or later the $--- will hit the fan.


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EveT

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