I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...

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daybug Posts : 159 Registered: 10/7/07
I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 2:54 AM

I'm so sick of reading on here about people who are complaining for ONLY getting $5K, $10K or $15K from their parents for their wedding or complaining that - GASP! - their parent's expect them to pay for their wedding on their own! GROW UP, PEOPLE!! I will not argue the fact that its a wonderful gift from parents to willingly contribute, but I just find it so hard to believe that in this day in age, grown women (and sometimes men, too) expect that their parents either completely fund or generously contribute to their children's wedding and throw a temper tantrum when they find out their parents go out and spend THEIR OWN MONEY on themselves. WTF?!?! It's gotten so bad that a recent post from a mother talked about how upset she was that her ex husband was only offering $5K towards her daughter's wedding!! Are you serious??

Message was edited by: daybug

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DeezNuttiest Posts : 200 Registered: 1/10/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 3:05 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

I feel ya. I can understand the ones that were maybe promised a certain amount of money and then that was changed on them, i can see feeling alil let down. but just out right expecting a certain amount or certain people to contribut isn't right and it isn't fair to be mad at them when they dont. Although we will be poor when it is done lol we are happy to be paying for our wedding, we get everything we want, the way we want it, without having to concider anyone else's thoughts or feelings.

I have the cutest 80yr old aunts that have offered to cook for our wedding lol i would never dream of having them work for my wedding but it was such a great feeling to hear them offer lol.


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mobride09 Posts : 519 Registered: 3/5/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 4:50 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

OMG!! I am so glad someone said this!!!  My parents are giving us about $5K and we are funding the rest, and his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, and I felt really, really lucky that they are doing that!  My parents don't have a lot of money, and I actually didn't want to take anything from them, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings.  His parents can afford a whole lot, but I can't personally get mad at them for not offering a bunch of money for our wedding.  Why should they?  The fact that they offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner  made me extatic!  Bottom line:  they raised you, took care of you, fed you, for 18+ years, why not pay for yourself now that you are a grown couple?

I marry the man of my dreams 5/2/09!

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Noviesita Posts : 381 Registered: 6/18/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 10:11 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

AMEN sister!!!!!!

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 10:37 AM Go to message in response to: Noviesita

Couldn't have said it better myself. 

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RoBelle Posts : 1,236 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 10:46 AM Go to message in response to: Noviesita

Hey, it took us THREE YEARS to save $15,000 for our wedding!!!  People need to ALSO realize that with planning a wedding it takes TIME, PATIENCE and LOTS of MONEY to saved in order to get these things together.  You can't say you want to get married in SIX months after engagement with not a DIME to your name saved, and get upset then MAA and PAA says HECK NOOOO we ain't paying for SH*T!!! 

This is why you ALWAYS have to be prepared to handle these expenses on your OWN!!  Maa and Paa may contest for WHAT EVER reason, they may be rich, they may be poor, they may hate your SO, heck you may get hit with the mother or FMIL who wants to run the show telling YOU what to do, how to dance, how to kiss, what to serve, how to decorate and you gotta do it because I am paying for it or else!!!!!!  You never know, you just gotta be prepared for any curve balls that WILL get thrown your way.  Even IF someone says that they will help you, YOU STILL need your own because ANYTHING CAN and usually ALWAYS WILL happen where the person may end up in a SERIOUS financial bind and just can't help you no matter how bad they want to. 

SO I SAY, it is ALWAYS better to play it safe!  Make sure you have your OWN just in case.


babies

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Iheartweddings Posts : 645 Registered: 7/23/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 11:01 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

i think it's totally cultural too. I mean, down here in the South (Texas, in particular) or at least in the area that I've been raised, it's the parents' last gift to their children before letting them go. And nobody looks at the bride & groom as not being "self-sufficient" or "mature" enough to pay for their own wedding. The parents offer, so they gladly accept with great thankfulness.

Correct me if I'm wrong, fellow Southerners, but aren't things a little different down here than up North? I dont know, when I post on the boards about my parents paying for the entire wedding, I'm regarded as a little "below" those of you women who paid for your wedding on your own. Oh well...


When is my wedding

See our wedding pictures at: josephmark.com/RyanandJennifer Smile

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 11:21 AM Go to message in response to: Iheartweddings

Iheart, I don't think anyone has a problem with anyone's parents volunteering to contribute towards a wedding. (At least, I don't. And my parents are contributing towards mine, though not the whole cost of it) We have a problem with people who WHINE when they ASK their parents to contribute and the parents refuse. And we have a problem with people who COMPLAIN that their parents aren't paying enough. Why do I have a problem with these two things? Because there's a simple solution: if you want something and someone doesn't offer to give it to you, you can always save your money and pay for it yourself. Some people complain that they CAN'T save enough money to pay for their own wedding, but there are a few easy solutions to THAT problem as well: either scale down your wedding plans so that you CAN save enough for it, or wait to get married until you have saved enough. Anybody can save money - it just might take a while. But I see the whole 'Mom and Dad won't give me enough to have my dream wedding' comment as very immature - not necessarily because the person in question doesn't have the money, but because she is generally not willing to compromise. In most cases, the OP of such threads will not entertain the idea of pushing back the wedding until she and her FH can afford it...and she usually doesn't want to trim down the grand plans. All she's doing is sitting here whining 'I want my perfect wedding and I want it NOW!' That sounds an awful lot like my 2-year old nephew to me.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

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TakeBackYourWed... Posts : 139 Registered: 4/5/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 11:21 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

Not to defend those women but the context could be more complex - sometimes parents have no CLUE how expensive weddings are and without contributing expect to invite 50 of their closest friends.

Many have major college debt, housing is CRAZY expensve, and our generation may very well not be better off than our parents generation.  So there is a bit of extra financial strain we experience over our parents (who in their day had cake and punch receptions in the church basement!)  According to SOME data, only about 20-30% of couples pay for the ENTIRE wedding on their own...and you know that's in part because couples are getting married older and have higher paying jobs because of that.

I didn't expect my parents to pay a dime but I did ask and they said they would pay for it - talked with people and came up with a budget of 10-12K.  We had 125 people show up (150 planned) and it was a lovely day.  We could have spent less but we "splurged" on slightly bigger photographer package so we could actually have the "going away" post reception shots - otherwise the timing we could have had ceremony pics OR the end pics..

But then we also had it in my church basement, instead of some swank place, had a low end caterer instead of "fancy food", didn't do favors, had church ladies do our flowers (not for free but less than a florist), only had a limo for DH and me, got a dress off the rack, slipper shoes (super cheap), etc. 


Modern Bride Magazine Trendsetter 2007!

http://www.thefirstdance.com

~~Managing the Family Dynamics of Wedding Planning through a book, dvd, wedding stress coaching, articles and more~~

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Guest
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 11:42 AM Go to message in response to: TakeBackYourWed...

""According to SOME data, only about 20-30% of couples pay for the ENTIRE wedding on their own...and you know that's in part because couples are getting married older and have higher paying jobs because of that.""

I have to say I completley (respectfully) disagree witht at statement. I was 17 when I moved out on my own, 18 when I had my daughter to support on my own, was married at 24 which DH and I paid for on our own and we only make around 50K together each year. And with having a child to raise as well it is hard to save money as I would have been abe to had I not been a mother. So SOME younger, less paid women can and DO pay for their own weddings and everything else they want in life.

My PERSONAL stance on weddings are "If you are old enough to get married you are old enough to pay for it".

Now that does not mean I think it's "wrong" for a bride or groom to accept $ that was OFFERED to them, but to ASK for it, DEMAND it, or EXPECT it to me screams immaturity. And then to whine about it.....come on.

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Guest
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 12:14 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

I'm entertained by the girls who complain.

What I'm sick of is the everlasting debate.  Just as soon as the "this is real life, not a book" thread was finally dying...here we go again!


7.5.2008

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 12:14 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

I have two issues with this that are a little different than the whole "you're grown up, pay for your own party" thing.

First of all, your wedding is NOT about how big a party you can throw for how many people, with what gormet cake in that designer dress. It's a celebration and a party, yes. But it's about the fact that you are getting married. You are making a commitment to the person you love FOR LIFE, and that's pretty amazing in itself. You don't have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to have a meaningful and spectacular event. What makes it meaningful and spectacular isn't the food, lighting, music, or location. It's the love you and your FH (or whomever they happen to be) have for each other that everyone can see. And it's the gathering together of the people who love you the most to support you in your commitment to each other.

Second of all, there are SO many worse things that could be happening, other that your mom and dad not helping out. I've said it before, but my parents probably won't even come to my wedding, let alone contribute. My siblings, then, won't be able to be in my wedding. THAT is a crisis, something to be upset about. But I realized that it's on THEM, not me. I have to respect their decision and get over it. That's not to say that it isn't hard, that it's not frustrating. Yes I've vented on here and asked for advice. But I'm working through it and not letting myself obsess over it.

So here is what I have to say to all you whiney ass brides who are throwing a fit because mom and dad won't pay for your 50K wedding:

GET the F over it.

If you really really want that 50K wedding, do it yourself with your own money, and be friggin' grateful that your parents will even BE there.


 

Our Wedding Website: www.mywedding.com/chrisandryanne

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 1:07 PM Go to message in response to: Iheartweddings

Dear Jennifer,

"I mean, down here in the South (Texas, in particular) or at least in the area that I've been raised,"

I don't think it's a question of geographical area, but instead the social circle of the parents. Some parents see other parents paying entirely for their children's weddings, and naturally expect to do the same. Others don't.

It all depends on the parents, the adult children, the local economy, employment situation, the adult children's school/employment, past history, etc.

Besides, some parents say "I want the same for my children as what my parents gave me. They did it about right, and I turned out fine."

Others say "I want to give my children more than what my parents gave me. I hated having to struggle so much."

Still others: "My parents gave me too much and I was spoiled rotten. I want my children to get less so they appreciate it more."

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MrsWilliams2008 Posts : 1,431 Registered: 7/19/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 1:37 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I can't agree enough. Funds toward a wedding is a GIFT. I'm also tired of grown people who are just soooo upset that mommy and daddy won't fund their wedding.

I do understand it can make you angry when people take back what they said they would contribute. I have absolutely no problem with parents giving funds as a gift or even paying for the whole wedding. But in short, you are an ADULT, if NOBODY pays for your wedding... you do it YOURSELF without a gripe in the world. Nobody said you had to have an expensive, elaborate wedding... a marriage is just as meaningful if all you can afford is a justice of the peace ceremony.


 http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/RyAnne Stafford&RobertWilliams, Jr

                                 R&R: June 21, 2008

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HisGorgeousBride Posts : 60 Registered: 1/13/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 16, 2008 1:39 PM Go to message in response to: daybug

I completely agree

I Can't Wait To Be Mrs

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