I REALLY NEED SOME HELP

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 4, 2008 4:25 PM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

NotAMoment2Soon-- I don't have a lot of time, and I've read through the thread, but it was kind of over a couple days so forgive me! I just wanted to let you know, first of all, that handing your cousin over to the courts is a good thing for you to do. You've tried to help him, he's ignored your rules, and honestly, it's a bit of stress in your life that you just do not need right now. Don't feel bad about it--your children need to be your first priority and letting your cousin go is definitely an indication that they are.

Now as for the pregnancy goes, I'm not going to come down on you for not using some sort of protection. Do I think it was a wise choice? No. But it was your choice and you're going to have to live with those consequences--it sounds like you're doing okay with that at this point. That being said, I commend you for keeping and raising your children, even though it's been tough. But listen, it's not going to be easy--especially if these unplanned pregnancies keep happening on top of everything else life throws at you. I want to share with you what has happened to my parents. They got married at 21. I was an oops baby and came along just after their 2 year anniversary. My mom dropped out of school so my dad could finish, and never went back. Two sisters and a brother came along later--we are all 2 1/2 years apart. But then came 2 more in the next 2 years. My baby brother--he's 7 now--came along 3 years later. My mom had 7 children in 12 years. In those 12 years, she lost her mom and grandma, moved to a totally different state, away from her support group of friends, my dad lost his job, we moved around a little bit, we've nearly lost our home more than once, etc etc etc. Let me tell you something. IT HAS CHANGED HER. Not for the better, for the worse. She has yet to be diagnosed, but she has significant anxiety and depression. She won't go get help, though, and that's what kills me. My parents didn't sleep in the same room for years, and at one point, my dad only came home on weekends because it cost him so much to drive back and forth from work. I couldn't tell you if my life depended on it whether or not she still loves my dad. And you know what the clincher is?? They guy she dumped to be with my dad is now a very very wealthy man, and she knows that.

Basically the whole point of that is to drive this point home--you may be a good mother and you may be willing to live with the consequences of your decisions, but you aren't superwoman. Eventually it's going to be too much--and what then? What happens when you have 5 or 6 or 7 kids and you realize--like my mom has--that you're stuck?

Like I said, you're handling this very well. It sounds like you're a good mother and a great person in general. But I encourage you to get some counseling, and talk to your doctor about alternative BC methods. Don't let what is happening to my mom happen to you. Life has virtually destroyed her. And honestly, it's the saddest thing that can happen to a person.

 


 

Our Wedding Website: www.mywedding.com/chrisandryanne

 

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PLysak Posts : 288 Registered: 7/8/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 4, 2008 7:41 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hi, Gin.

I used to live in FL, and now live in MA.  I may be confusing MA with FL, but I believe that on the Medicaid application, if you have any reason to fear the father of your child, you can ask for an exception to giving any of his information to the courts.  And if I'm right, then the arrests and threatening letters will qualify her (the courts like to protect people who may become victims of domestic violence).


Priscilla & John

Crazy for each other, since 1995.

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springorchid Posts : 176 Registered: 4/8/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 4, 2008 8:58 PM Go to message in response to: PLysak

Gin,

 Really have your sister look into having him be declared an unfit father or something like that.  If she has those letters and his arrests, especially if they are starting up again then you don't want to wait until he has become physically dangerous.  The idea that he could get custody is vey slim due to the arrests and such, but you should know that in most cases where a father contests custody, the father wins (I think most cases of this involve a situation where the mother has issues and the father has less to none, but the courts do like to see an active father figure).  I'm  sure you could get some answers just by calling a local social services office.  They might even be able to help your sister get help for her daughter.  

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 5, 2008 2:01 AM Go to message in response to: crystalizeddreams

My point is that she decided to take him in therefore you should treat him as your own. Drug use (at least where I am from) means you need to get help and if you are a minor your parents send you to a program to get help right away. Not sending you away because you are a problem but more so sending you away because the parents (or in this case the care taker) is responsible for the minors well-being. If problems cannot be solved in the home then the drug user needs to go somewhere where doctors can help him/her to change. I think it is a true wake up call, especially to teens. You cannot just decide with your own children that they are too much for you. When you decide to have children or take children in you take care of them and do all you can, and that does not include turning them over to the system. Drug use is completely unacceptable and should not be around the young ones. Therefore 16 year old needs to be sent to a rehab or a school that helps rehab kids while keeping them educated as well. Handing him over to the court will just mean he uses drugs at someone elses house. 

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NotAMoment2Soon2 Posts : 101 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 5, 2008 10:04 AM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

Well, today was the big court date. The family member that accused him didnt show up so all charges were dropped. However, I didnt get the chance to turn him over. I told him that he still can not live with us because he doesnt seem like he wants to change BUT he will be there until I find somewhere else for him to go. I left messages for the Job Corps people but they have yet to call me back.

Charlotte, if my kids end up with drug problems or any other issues NO I will not turn them over to the system because they are mine and I would feel responsible for the way they developed.... my cousin is NOT my child... I did intervene and ask the courts to give him to me but he knew there would be stipulations and conditions to his residing in my home. HE CHOSE to go against everything I set forth.... DRUGS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. I will not wait for him to endanger me or my children before I take action. I feel now is the best time. Whats that old saying "Theres no time like the present"... waiting wont do anything... he refuses to change so I REFUSE to accept his behavior. I dont know about any places he could go. I am definitely open to suggestions if you have any but as far as Im concerned if Job Corps doesnt accept him, he has no other options.... my house is no longer an option.


"'Tis better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".--ABE LINCOLN

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NotAMoment2Soon2 Posts : 101 Registered: 12/10/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 5, 2008 10:07 AM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Ryanne, Im sorry to hear about your mother. In all honesty, I have learned from this situation. Before, when I became pregnant with my son it was just like ok, whatever. But this pregnancy has really changed me. I already have some issues of depression and anger but they arent really bad... I can imagine how hard things will be if I continue having children. I cant stress enough how much I have learned from just venting to this board. I dont feel bad at all about my decision to keep my baby but I do know it all could have been avoided... and other pregnancies will be avoided... I am scheduled to go see my dr on the 20th so I will talk to her about what BC I can take without risking my health once my child is born.... and I will use condoms!!! :)
"'Tis better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".--ABE LINCOLN

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springorchid Posts : 176 Registered: 4/8/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Mar 5, 2008 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

NAM2S,

This is from the Florida Department of Children and Families; perhaps if you call they might be able to help you with your cousin.  I agree that he should be out of your house, but perhaps they could help you try to help him before he goes back to the system.

Gin, this place might be able to help your sister work some things out.

http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/admin/dcfcontacts.shtml

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chandra218 Posts : 22 Registered: 2/4/08
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Apr 12, 2008 3:33 AM Go to message in response to: springorchid

NAM2S- I really admire you're strength... I just read through the thread and i know i would never have been able to put up with some of the responses, as graciously as you did. I just wanted to say, that I think everything happens for a reason. I believe this baby will be a blessing and everything will work out for you...

Gin- I have no idea how the system works in FL, but in MN, mothers get restraining orders against crazy daddies like that haha and they STILL get child support...

I don't know if anyone ever asked our Canadian neighbors this, in a different thread, but is healthcare really that simple up there? I mean, I've seen Sicko and whatever, but I constantly hear from americans that there are waiting lists in Canada and people die while waiting for surgery, etc., is this really true?


...July 11, 2008...

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MrsReno Posts : 314 Registered: 12/21/07
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Apr 12, 2008 5:55 AM Go to message in response to: NotAMoment2Soon2

I know I am over a month late in replying. I really admire you and what you are doing. I am sure it isn't easy.

How are things going with your Cousin? Keep us posted.
 


♥Defy Gravitry♥

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Apr 13, 2008 10:41 PM Go to message in response to: MrsReno

Chandra,

Do people die waiting for surgery in Canada?  Yes.  Is it common?  If you need emergency surgery, for example, you will most likely get it that day.

The waits are not nearly as bad as people make them seem...people just like to complain a lot.

One thing that is sucky right now is the fact that certain drugs (eg: new cancer drugs) get approved in the USA before they do in Canada...and so Canadian have to pay extreme amounts to get the care (because they have to go to the States for it) whereas if it were available here, they wouldn't have to pay at all.

Basically here, it is simple.  Go to a doctor/hospital, get treated, go home.  Don't pay a cent.

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chandra218 Posts : 22 Registered: 2/4/08
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Apr 14, 2008 2:27 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

I really don't understand why the US doesn't do it... I have heard every argument and I still think universal healthcare is the way to go...

It's FH and my dream to move to either Canada or the UK...

Thanks for the response, birdlover _


...July 11, 2008...

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: I REALLY NEED SOME HELP
Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:50 PM Go to message in response to: chandra218

Taxes scare people.  People know that by having universal health care, they will pay for it out of taxes, and that freak them out.

It really isn't that bad.  People here complain about taxes too, and I think it's silly.  We pay taxes so that we are able to live the good life.

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