Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 11:59 AM

HI GIRLS! I've missed you all! And I hate, hate, HATE wedding planning! Can't wait 'til it's all over and we can have our LIFE back! 

Anyway - sorry to have been MIA for a while. Now that we're W-Day Minus 2 Months, we decided it was time to stop being lazy and actually PLAN our wedding. In the past two weeks, we (and by 'we' I mean 'mostly just me!') have:

1) Chosen all the flowers (Hehe - it only took me 20 minutes to pick the flowers. I think I shocked my florist!)

2) Hired a photographer

3) Ordered and addressed invitations (WORST thing EVER to do! Not to mention the hours of calling people whose addresses we didn't have!)

4) Spent $80 on stamps (are you KIDDING ME? Why are STAMPS so damned expensive???)  

5) Dealt with the surprise 'No strapless dresses in the church' issue. (Um...why would they wait to give me this critical piece of information until 2 MONTHS before the wedding! GAH! Anyway - ordered shawls for the bridesmaids and decided that I'll play dumb and claim that my veil counts as shoulder-covering)

6) Kicked my FH in the ass until he finally called the kilt rental place and gave the information to the groomsmen.

7) Picked the readings for the ceremony.

8) Went to this church-mandated weekend-long 'Engaged Encounter' thing. (I'm not even going to get started on that. It deserves its own rant.)

9) Played phone tag with the music guy at the church. (I'm convinced that he doesn't actually exist. He's just a voice on an answering machine)

10) Bought my shoes...I think. (I'm pretty proud of myself for this one. Found them on the clearance rack at DSW for $25 after the discount, and I had two of those $10 'I love shoes' gift certificates that they send you, so I got them for $5. Now I just have to figure out whether I want to wear them for the wedding. Either way, it was a good buy. I may just wear them to avoid having to go buy another pair). 

11) Ordered the cake! Oh - how could I have left that to number 10? That was actually fun...or tasty, anyway. Our cake ROCKS, though my mom thinks I'm insane for getting chocolate cake. Chocolate with hazelnut...mmm!

12) Got the bustle done for my dress. I didn't need any other alterations, which is REALLY exciting since I'm getting sick of hanging out in the bridal store. Now I just have to focus on not gaining or losing any weight, which is my excuse for eating bad and not going to the gym, since I tend to lose weight when busy/stressed. 

13) Compromised on a first dance song (this issue deserves a separate rant as well!) and signed up for dance classes, which I'm hoping will be fun.

14) Made some important decisions: Decided to skip the videographer because we don't feel like looking for one and don't care whether we have a video, Decided to get ready at a hotel since FH keeps inviting groomsmen to crash at our place the night before, Decided to keep an eye on last-minute honeymoon deals and just go wherever we can get a good deal (adventure-yay!)

Ok, I'm rambling and nobody cares. Hopefully it's at least amusing to read about my distorted decision-making process. But I did have a question - there was a point to this! Since I have made SO MANY decisions in the past couple weeks, I am incapable of knowing whether this makes any sense.

Here's the deal: I was playing with my registry spreadsheets this morning (if you don't get that reference, don't worry about it. It's pretty ridiculous, but it's on the Confessions thread somewhere if you're wondering). Anyway - I was happily organizing my registry items and I noticed that somebody had bought something! Yay - my first present! And since we haven't actually mailed the invitations yet, I used my Bride Super-Powers to deduce that this must be a shower gift, since my shower is in -ack! - 3 weeks! Anyway, so it hit me that there was a reason that we registered (other than providing me with a list of items to organize in 50 different ways) and that I will have to thank people for their gifts. So I moseyed on over to an online stationery store to look for thank-you notes. After a few minutes of looking at them, I decided that I don't want little cards with a big 'Thank You' imprinted on the front. I figured that I'd just get some stationery with our names on it that we could use for purposes other than thanking people, since we're likely to have leftovers. So I moseyed on over to the 'personalized notecard' section and found one that I didn't hate. Then came the problem - I'm still not sure whether I'm changing my name, hyphenating it, or leaving it the same. I think my unofficial plan is to decide after the wedding, when I'm capable of making decisions again. So...here's my question (finally!): rather than getting stationery that says 'Mr and Mrs ArtBride's Husband,' can I just avoid last names completely, so as to avoid having to order new stationery when I make a name-change decision? I was thinking that it could have our first and middle names printed on the paper and just our address (no names) on the envelopes. Umm...do people do that? Is my 'bride-brain' overanalyzing? 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 12:22 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

LOL Okay after reading through all of that and trying to disect it; Im pretty sure I found the question in there somewhere. Can you use first names only on your new stationary and then use that same stationary for your thank you notes? OF COURSE! I would say that type of stationary would be better than fine when its purpose is notes,cards etc for friends. It will make it more informal and its cute. I have sticky stamp things that say "Kelley And Don" because I was also undecided on the namechange thing,and then after the wedding I just never got around to changing it. LOL. So here I am a year and a half after my wedding and still have my same last name. I guess Im keeping it, who knows. The bride brain actually gets WORSE after the wedding if you can believe that! You are sooo tired of DOING things that you just want to sit in a chair and stare at the wall for about 3 - 6 months until you get back on your feet. At least thats how it was for me. So basically I was a useless human being 3 months BEFORE and AFTER my wedding.

So I say YES on the stationary. Just order what you need though for now, and maybe a bit of extra. I wouldnt go overboard with it, in case you do decide to change your name. Then youll probably want to use stuff with the new last name instead. Or maybe not. You could still use the ones with no last names. Now IM overanalyzing lol. Honestly, what Im trying to say is that in the end; its just stationary. And stationary is normally used to write notes,cards etc to family or friends... its personal. So the more "personal" and unique it is to YOU, the better. Therefore, I think your idea is a good one. And now Im done.

And Congrats on getting SO MUCH DONE in such a short period of time ...


Gimme a FattyShmattyPatty...Hold the FATTY! BL4: This time; It's Personal!

Stay tuned for The Aisle Runner's official website ...COMING SOON!

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Samala Posts : 561 Registered: 12/19/06
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

 

Of course you can't do that. Don't you know Non-Bridal-Stationary Rule Number 6,789.2?

Thou shalt ALWAYS use your last name on stationary. 

LOL Tongue out

You're over analyzing.  LOL

I think the first names would be just fine. I am never a big fan of last names on those anyways.I can probably figure out who it is from with out a last name.

Or, even simpler, have you considered initials only? Big scripty (or not) letters of your firt initials? That is always pretty.

I always think stuff with last names on it seems kinda corperate. Like it is an official memo from the boss or something.  So I personaly would go for just the first names.

BTW I cannot beleive you organized all that! By 2 months I didn't care anymore! "We need to change X . What should we do?" I don't care. "What favors should we have?" I don't care. Heck, I even picked my readings and ceremony ONLY because I had no choice! LOL

I'd say chill, and go for the first names. :) 




.:Samala:.


9-15-07 was a dream to remember

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 12:32 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Hi Kelley! I've missed you!

Hehe - I think my secret plan is to 'not get around' to changing my name, either. It's really very stupid, since FH and I see it in totally different ways. He sees it as my being part of his family - and I see it as just a name. Actually, I can't help feeling like the 'join the clan' thing is a little too possessive for my tastes. I feel like he's trying to mark me as his territory or something! Anyway - after a series of debates on the issue, he decided that I'm right about the 'What's in a name?' issue, and he said he doesn't care whether I change it or not. Of course, now that he doesn't care, I don't care as much either. So who knows? MsD and I were talking about that when we got together the other day and she said she was thinking about changing it when she has kids, but doesn't see the point of changing it now. I think I feel the same way. I like the idea of couples having the same name, but I really don't feel like changing mine and I really do like my current name. Whatever. 

Yes - THANK YOU! An informal 'ArtBride and Husband' note sounds great. I just needed to confer with someone on the decision, since I haven't been able to make ANY of those decisions without consulting AT LEAST one other person! Yay for all this being over in 2 months! 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 12:34 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

congrats on all you were able to accomplish recently.  I think the names on the stationary is a great idea.  I would just go with the first names though unless you guys usually use the middle names also.  I hate my husbands middle name and don't want to see it on anything.  Anyhoo the stationary idea is great.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Or how about "Mr.andMrs. No Name." That should cover it lol. I have missed you too. I kept wondering to my fine self; where oh where is Artbride? You are most missed on my Hate thread because I love complaining to you about students. The new semester has begun and you have abandoned me. How dare you plan your wedding?!!! Oh and Im so jealous you and MrsD met up, I was asking her all about it, calling it her "date." I want to meet both of you!!! Why do you live so far away dammit?:)

My husband was the opposite of yours with the name change thing. He COMPLETELY didnt care one way or the other, so I figured why should I bust my ass changing my name if its meaningless to him, you know? I think its because he is really not close to his family; therefore not close to his family "name" so it really doesnt mean much. He really became more a part of MY family than me becoming a part of his, if that makes sense. Because my family is pretty normal LOL,and well..his is ... insane.

 


Gimme a FattyShmattyPatty...Hold the FATTY! BL4: This time; It's Personal!

Stay tuned for The Aisle Runner's official website ...COMING SOON!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 12:56 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

Oh yeah - we had a great girl-date! She's exactly how I expected her to be! And I'm totally jealous every time you NYC-area people plan a meeting! One of my BMs lives in NYC, so we may go there for my bachelorette party. If so, I'm inviting all my brides.com NYC friends! :)

Ergh - you're going to hate me. I took the semester off from teaching. I just didn't want to have to find/trust someone to cover my class while I'm away in April. At first, I was excited to have the two evenings a week to get my wedding stuff done...now I realize that I could have paid for the honeymoon with my stipend. D'oh! Oh well - I'm sure we'll find a last-minute deal that we can afford! But I'm teaching ALL SUMMER (a class during each summer session, and they meet 4 times a week! AHH!), so I'll have tons of teaching-venting for you then!


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 3:12 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Artbride, I love your style! Since I planned my wedding in two weeks, and have been owner/builder of a house and two offices, I'm all about being "the decider," and being comfortable with my decisions. And Dh and I have traveled the world, often on short notice and with no reservations, kind of taking it as it comes. It was fun! As for venting about teaching, hope I can help (with 30+ years of experience), even if I'm out of the game now. But, I'm about to become a museum docent--so I guess the teaching gene is still active!

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 3:47 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Oooo - Myra, we can vent about museums together! I'm an assistant curator right now, but I've been in museum education, programs, and worked as a registrar, so I can vent about many different museum areas! What sort of museum are you going to be working at?

On the 'quick-thinking, last-minute' style of planning, it's certainly not for everybody, but I've always been good at making snap decisions. When I take a lot of time to make a decision, I tend to overanalyze (hence the confusion about the simple stationery!) So I usually work best making quick decisions under pressure. I think I set a record on 'quickness of picking wedding flowers.' It went something like this: 

Flower Lady: Hi ArtBride. Nice to meet you. Please sit down and tell me about your wedding.

Me: 100 guests, me in a white dress, guys in kilts, bridesmaids in indigo.

Flower Lady: What were you thinking of for flowers?

Me: I hate this, this, this, this, this, this, and this. I don't hate this one.

Flower lady: Ok - let's go with that one.

Me: Ok - here's my card. I'll talk to you again in April!

I can't wait to have a honeymoon adventure! We decided yesterday that we've been thinking too much about planning the 'perfect' trip, when we've always been more spontaneous travelers. So we'll just see what Expedia has available a couple weeks before the wedding. :) 


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 5:18 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Dear Artbride,

Sounds like you are doing great!!!

As for your thank you note question, I'll offer a suggestion.

First of all "and" between two people's names means they are married. That's a picky little point, but you are not entitled to the "and" until you say I Do.

OTOH, 99% of the people out in the world don't know or don't care, so if you are in love with something with "and" between your names, go for it.

Next, if you are unsure about keeping your name or changing it, I think it would be unwise to order a box full of note cards with a name you might not end up using. In the case where the couple knows what the bride's last name status will be, a thank you note with her to-be-used-forever name is a classy way of announcing that decision.

On yet another hand, note cards with a bride's married name cannot be used until after the wedding. You can certainly write, address, seal and stamp the notes, but you can't actually put them in the mailbox until that name is officially yours.

All things considered. Since you are unsure about your future last name, I'd go for note cards with no names at all. Why add that to your list of Things To Fret About? Just get some really nice looking note cards with a nice graphic on the front that suits your personality?

PS: I am a maiden name keeper, and am very glad I did so.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 17, 2008 8:47 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

What a fun job! I'll be docenting at the Bowers Museum in Santa Ana, CA. They're about to host an great exhibit of Xian terra cotta figures, one of only four places in the US to get the show. Exciting. Today, I've been researchind Han terra cotta horses, since I have to do a little presentation on them It seems so strange to have "homework" after all these years!

I think that if you know your style, your likes and dislikes, that wedding decision making can be fairly easy. I like collecting pictures ("worth a thousand words") and found that these worked very well with our florist, etc.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 9:54 AM Go to message in response to: myra

AOTB - Ergh, I had no idea that 'and' meant that you are married. Well, I think I may take your advice and go with the unprinted note cards, if for no other reason than that they seem to be MUCH less expensive than the printed ones! Although I like the idea of having note cards with our names on them, we really don't send much snail-mail, so other than our thank-you notes, I don't see us using these up very quickly. However, I'd like to avoid the notes with 'thank-you' printed on the front so that we can use the extras for something different and not waste paper. And that was why I was trying to figure out what names to put on them - since I didn't want to get my maiden name and then later decide to change it and have to throw away 40 extra notes with 'ArtBride MaidenName' on them. Oh well - plain notes with a cute design on the outside sound great!

Myra, that sounds like a great exhibit! The only thing I dislike about my job is that I don't really have much contact with museum visitors. I really like teaching about art - I normally teach an intro class at a local university, but I took this semester off from teaching, as I told Kelley above. I really miss it, though! I especially miss cramming before class and thinking that I know nothing about the topic that I'm teaching on, only to go into class and find out that I know MUCH more than I thought I did. Anyway - I've always liked presentations and I don't get to do them often in my current job, so I get really excited when people want to come tour the collections area and I get to talk about the art to people who don't know it well!


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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JayJ Posts : 1,080 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 9:58 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

holy crap that's a lot to do in such little time. congrats on getting it all done.

<i>'No strapless dresses in the church' </i>

wtf. why?


                     www.MattAndJesy.com <3           http://llama.jjammies*

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 10:24 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Artbride, how DARE you take the semester off!!! You have no right!!! LOL. Okay fine ... I can still whine about my students and stuff to you though. Cuz you understand. And I also am teaching summer courses. Right now I have a full load..four classes a day (2 days a week.) But summer is actually just one class three days a week. So its easier but its really good pay for that one class. Im teaching a 5week course in June and another in July.

Your conversation with florist sounds like ALL of mine with almost every vendor when planning my wedding. They all loved me and were shocked as hell by me all at once because I made decisions SO quickly and was completely nonchalant and confident about it. the best one was the invitation lady... such a nice woman, friend of my moms who has her own company. We sit down in her office and I tell her I want offwhite invites with a silver border and gold font. Very classic, elegant, simple, and no frilly ribbon type things or complicated things. She literally has an entire bookshelf filled with giant books that each have like a hundred invitations inside them. So she pulls out the very first book and we start going through it. Just like you .. I went: "No. No. No. Too pretty. too pink. Nope. Ugly. Too complicated. Hate it. Ugly. Awful. HELL NO! " and then on about page 9 or so, I went "Yup. Thats it. I want that one." And she was like, "okay, so this one is an option then" and put a little sticky thing on that page. And I said, "No, thats the one I want. Im done. Ill take that one." And she just could NOT believe it. SHe kept saying "But I have so many more books, more choices, etc. Dont you want to look around more? You know, you might like something else better." "Nope. I really like this one. This is what I want." It took like 10minutes lol.

Thats just how I am. I HATE having too many choices. It stresses me out, confuses me, and makes me overwhelmed. I know what I want themoment I see it, and I see no reason to keep looking after that point. I like being presented with a few choices.. not 1,000 choices. That drives me nuts.


Gimme a FattyShmattyPatty...Hold the FATTY! BL4: This time; It's Personal!

Stay tuned for The Aisle Runner's official website ...COMING SOON!

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Ack - No longer capable of making simple decisions!
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 10:24 AM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Artbride, how DARE you take the semester off!!! You have no right!!! LOL. Okay fine ... I can still whine about my students and stuff to you though. Cuz you understand. And I also am teaching summer courses. Right now I have a full load..four classes a day (2 days a week.) But summer is actually just one class three days a week. So its easier but its really good pay for that one class. Im teaching a 5week course in June and another in July.

Your conversation with florist sounds like ALL of mine with almost every vendor when planning my wedding. They all loved me and were shocked as hell by me all at once because I made decisions SO quickly and was completely nonchalant and confident about it. the best one was the invitation lady... such a nice woman, friend of my moms who has her own company. We sit down in her office and I tell her I want offwhite invites with a silver border and gold font. Very classic, elegant, simple, and no frilly ribbon type things or complicated things. She literally has an entire bookshelf filled with giant books that each have like a hundred invitations inside them. So she pulls out the very first book and we start going through it. Just like you .. I went: "No. No. No. Too pretty. too pink. Nope. Ugly. Too complicated. Hate it. Ugly. Awful. HELL NO! " and then on about page 9 or so, I went "Yup. Thats it. I want that one." And she was like, "okay, so this one is an option then" and put a little sticky thing on that page. And I said, "No, thats the one I want. Im done. Ill take that one." And she just could NOT believe it. SHe kept saying "But I have so many more books, more choices, etc. Dont you want to look around more? You know, you might like something else better." "Nope. I really like this one. This is what I want." It took like 10minutes lol.

Thats just how I am. I HATE having too many choices. It stresses me out, confuses me, and makes me overwhelmed. I know what I want themoment I see it, and I see no reason to keep looking after that point. I like being presented with a few choices.. not 1,000 choices. That drives me nuts.


Gimme a FattyShmattyPatty...Hold the FATTY! BL4: This time; It's Personal!

Stay tuned for The Aisle Runner's official website ...COMING SOON!

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