Waiting Patiently Please Help

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Guest
Waiting Patiently Please Help
Posted: Oct 10, 2007 10:49 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and bought our house 2 years ago. When we first bought our house we went through some money problems (we had none and he is not good at money managment) Well I took over the finances and know every penny that comes in or out of our account. To make a long story kind of short, we have been ring shopping and things and he cant get past "it has to be a complete supprise" I dont even care if I have a ring. That is not what it is about for me. Well the problem is that I know where all of our money is going because we have a joint account and his money is direct deposited. Unfortunately he cant sneak money past me and he knows it, but wont let me give him any money to save. I cant let him take the account back because he is a serious spender. Here is our next problem. We are getting ready to move (house is on the market)out of state, away from all of our family and friends, and start up a business. I am having some serious issues with not being married before we move and start up the business. The biggest problem is I want to be married here in my hometown and we wont have the time or money to plan a long distance wedding once we start the business. I just need some support while I continue to wait patiently.

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AlmostBB Posts : 5 Registered: 10/4/07
Re: Waiting Patiently Please Help
Posted: Oct 10, 2007 11:04 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Wow, I cannot even begin to tell you how similar your situation is to the one I was in.  My fiance and I were together for 3 years and lived together for 2 years before we got engaged.  I was the money person in the relationship, because he, too, is not good at budgeting.  We had plenty of struggles with money, and had the exact same battles. 

He actually ended up going out and getting me a ring, and put it on the store credit card.  I have told him that it's his baby, and I am not going to look at the bill, nor will I pay it.  I will simply make sure that it's not overdue.  It was still a complete surprise, especially since I knew we didnt have a lot of money.

Point is:  it can happen.  I was given a simple ring, but I think it is absolutely gorgeous, and that's one thing that men don't seem to understand.  (They think it's gotta be huge, etc)  And it can still be a surprise.  If he would be able to put the ring on a store credit, under his name, it will still be a surprise.

I hope this helps.  I feel your pain. 

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AlmostBB Posts : 5 Registered: 10/4/07
Re: Waiting Patiently Please Help
Posted: Oct 10, 2007 11:04 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Wow, I cannot even begin to tell you how similar your situation is to the one I was in.  My fiance and I were together for 3 years and lived together for 2 years before we got engaged.  I was the money person in the relationship, because he, too, is not good at budgeting.  We had plenty of struggles with money, and had the exact same battles. 

He actually ended up going out and getting me a ring, and put it on the store credit card.  I have told him that it's his baby, and I am not going to look at the bill, nor will I pay it.  I will simply make sure that it's not overdue.  It was still a complete surprise, especially since I knew we didnt have a lot of money.

Point is:  it can happen.  I was given a simple ring, but I think it is absolutely gorgeous, and that's one thing that men don't seem to understand.  (They think it's gotta be huge, etc)  And it can still be a surprise.  If he would be able to put the ring on a store credit, under his name, it will still be a surprise.

I hope this helps.  I feel your pain. 

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: Waiting Patiently Please Help
Posted: Oct 11, 2007 10:07 PM Go to message in response to: AlmostBB

Dear Trinity, I can really understand your not wanting to move and start a business together without the legal protections that come with being married.  You've already gone out on a limb to purchase a home together without being married.  With the plans to move and start the business, what does your heart tell you to do?  Would you go so far as to lay it on the line with your boyfriend and tell him you either get married or else the move and business venture are not going to happen?  If not, then are there legal protections you can put in place to protect yourself if you move, start the business, and then your boyfriend wakes up one morning and decides he wants out?  By letting you take charge of the finances, your boyfriend is putting a whole lot of trust in you, and it sounds like you are extremely responsible and trustworthy.  It doesn't sound like he is really reciprocating with responsibility on his end, and now may be the time when he needs to start doing that.
EveT

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Waiting Patiently Please Help
Posted: Oct 12, 2007 7:51 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

if he wants to propose to you, he will find a way.

 

 

you should point blank tell him that you are ready to get married before you move, before you start up the business.

 

you live together and have been dating for three years and have a house...well realistically there is only going to be so much surprise left!

 

i believe you are right in asking him to make a decision.

 

i would not accept any of his excuses. if he choses not to get engaged you can then prepare yourself independently to go (or not to go) into the business

 

good luck to you



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wisgirl Posts : 115 Registered: 9/11/06
Re: Waiting Patiently Please Help
Posted: Oct 12, 2007 4:31 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend.  Just explain to him how you feel about getting married in your hometown and misgivings about making such a big move without being married.  If he has reasons to wait beyond wanting to surprise you, this would be his opportunity to share them.  Then you can decide together what timing is right for both of you. 

If he's just concerned about the surprise factor he should at least be able to tell you that it's coming sometime before Valentines Day or sometime during the spring or something like that.  Surprises are nice, but big decisions like getting married sometimes involve more serious grown-up considerations.

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