Should I be Concerned ??

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FutureMrsJRB Posts : 90 Registered: 5/8/06
Should I be Concerned ??
Posted: Oct 4, 2006 9:04 AM

Okay...Maybe I am just worried and venting for no reason but right now I am really upset with no one else to talk to so I am hoping for a little idea from you guys so here it goes.....My fiance is a construction forman that is currently working 2 1/2 hours away from home in Fredericksburg, VA (this keeps him at work all week - not home) for the next 4-5 months depending upon when this particular job is completed...Well due to the storms that have been pounding the East Coast for the last month or so construction is way behind schedule.....This caused my fiance to have to work monday - saturday last weekend, leaving us with only a day together & 2 hours Saturday night.....well I got a little upset when he had to leave at 3am Monday for work and starting crying....he put his arm around me and made me feel better & everything was okay again....WELL last night he calls home and tells me that he just found out that they will be working EVERY saturday for the next 2 months causing him to stay at work from 3am monday morning til 8pm saturday night EVERY week.....I got EXTREMELY upset crying and what not because I am so freaking lonely at home alone all of the time right now...and he got mad at me for being upset so much & said I was being a crybaby.....I may have been being a crybaby but the sudden change of working so far from home (usually their jobs are no more than 1 or 1 1/2 hours so he came home at night) and now NEVER being at home hardly is just not easy to handle...He thinks I am mad at him & want him to quit his job ... but thats not it...Im just upset that he cant be home with me ....  It is causing a slight strain in our relationship right now.......I feel like everything is being put on my shoulders because of his job....I mean I am planning a wedding, working and taking care of our house.....  He said last night that no man wants to here his fiance crying everytime he calls .... Is something wrong with me or am I overstressed or is he just being a jerk???  Do I sound nuts??  Sorry for this long thread but like I said before..I really needed to talk/vent!!

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Re: Should I be Concerned ??
Posted: Oct 4, 2006 9:22 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsJRB

I understand where you are coming from....I would be pretty upset too! Its so hard to read men so I really don't know what he's thinking. Part of me says he's being so tuff because he most likely doesn't like being away from home either and thinks that being tuff like that is the only way for him to get through this time away. Another part of me says he could be doing something wrong, being such a jerk about it. As long as you trust him then you shouldn't have anything to worry about, as far as him cheating or anything like that. Suggestion: could you maybe go where he is for a weekend instead of him having to come home? Maybe you could spend the weekend with him, even though he works Saturday, you could still spend Friday night with him and occupy yourself for the day while he is working. This would give you a chance to see how life is for him away from home, it would probably make me feel better about the situation. I honestly think you are both stressed and things will get better after this job is over and he is back home on a more regular basis. Just be strong and trust your man, without trust you have nothing. I wish I had more adivse for you but knowing how unpredictable men are, I just don't know what is going through his mind. Best wishes!

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Re: Should I be Concerned ??
Posted: Oct 4, 2006 10:49 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsJRB

I feel for you. My husband is in the military and he leaves at 4 a.m. and comes home at 6 so he is gone for over 12 hours everyday. I am a stay-at-home wife so my days are pretty lonely. While I understand that it's lonely and that you want him home with you more you also have to think about how your fiance is feeling. He is working long days, never seeing you, and has the commute to deal with everyday. He is probably already feeling stressed and the fact that his job is upsetting you is probably making him even more stressed. I would suggest that when you have to vent and think there may be crying involved (at least for now) to call a friend or a family member that you are close to. I know you want to communicate your feelings to him but sometimes it just places too large of a burden on the other person, especially when they have no ability to change the circumstances (like the situation your fiance is in right now).

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FutureMrsJRB Posts : 90 Registered: 5/8/06
Re: Should I be Concerned ??
Posted: Oct 4, 2006 10:51 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well cheating is not an issue....I dont worry about that at all....and I do know that he really hates being away too but its just so stressful to deal with right now....I thought about going up there and spending the weekend too...Maybe I will book a room at a nice hotel and stay there this weekend....Thanks for the advice...

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FutureMrsJRB Posts : 90 Registered: 5/8/06
Re: Should I be Concerned ??
Posted: Oct 4, 2006 10:56 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsJRB

Stephanielyn.....I guess I really havent looked at it like that....and it does make sense...he is working LONG days 5am til 7pm..sometimes later....I know he is frustrated with work right now and me crying is probably making things harder for him to deal with.....I will try to be more positive & complain less about the situation at hand...and thanks...I think you just told me exactly what I needed to hear!! You're awesome!

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Re: Should I be Concerned ??
Posted: Oct 4, 2006 2:44 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsJRB

I'm glad I could help! I know that when I get upset my husband gets very defensive, not because he's annoyed but because he's a man and when I cry he doesn't know what to do. He automatically assumes he has to fix it and some things he just can't fix. Men are very simple. Their wife/fiance/gf is sad they should fix whatever made her sad, they get very frustrated when they figure out they can't fix everything. I'm sure the reason he's defensive is just because he hates to see you upset and doesn't know what to do about it! He probably misses you just as much as you miss him!

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FutureMrsJRB Posts : 90 Registered: 5/8/06
Re: Should I be Concerned ??
Posted: Oct 4, 2006 2:49 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

This is true..and my fiance hates it when he cant fix something...emotions are just all out of wack anyways right now with all the pressure & stress & money issues and everything else that goes along with long distance and weddings

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