But shouldn't the years bring with them a feeling of acceptance, so that you can change and tell your partner about the "new" you with the knowlege that, even if he disagrees, he will still love you and accept you and be willing to strike a compromise?"
Sure, ideally, yes, in an healthy mature relationship. But it takes work to build that healthy mature relationship. Part of that work is choosing your words carefully and bringing up "difficult" subjects at the right time when the other is in a frame of mind to digest them.
It seems to me at the beginning of your life you have a lot more to lose than at the middle-end of your life.
Think- you have years of career building, baby making, kid raising, home buying, AHEAD of you.
When you are 60 or so, your kids are grown and hopefully off on their own. Your house is paid for, your career is finished or almost. You have about 20 more years to look forward to, and yes you want them to be rich and full of meaning, but what big life changes are you going to make?
If at 50 your relationship can't handle "Honey, I hate how you watch Football every monday night and scream at the television" "Yeah, well, I hate your loud snoring every night." "You jerk, let's get divorced" then sorry, yeah, you should get divorced.
I am 26, moved to another country, gave up my job, am adjusting to a new way of life, and currently have no job. We combined all of our savinds, 140,000 thank you very much. We both have a lot to lose.
Posted: Sep 21, 2006 4:59 PMGo to messagein response to: auntofthebride
I am sorry i know i am young but when my Great Grandmother died three years ago she was not she was 103. Until the day she died in her bed went to sleep and never woke up. She said you are only as old as you feel you have to take life as it is given to you love, learn and have a ball (her words). If you feel 16 then you are 16. But if you feel 99 when you are 35 then you are 99. So no live is not or getting old is not depressing it is how you look at it.
ok, maybe i am the only one who is under 40 that feels this way...
but i think the excerpt and what a lot of more mature posters are trying to say (even though it may not be so blunt) is that with age you gain EXPERIENCE and KNOWLEDGE (of the world and of the self) and basically MORE of EVERYTHING. i don't understand why that would be insulting to anyone younger. i mean, isnt that why a young person dieing seems so tragic? because they won't be able to have those fabulous experiences that come with age?
I mean if i thought i was the best i could ever be at 27 i feel like i would sure have a boring 73 more years to live out. what would i have to strive for if i had reached the ultimate?
have i missed the point?
oh and also, i am not thinking it is about a desk. i am inferring the above as an analogy. comparing dissimilar things to make a tangible refernce.
I completely agree with you jgorczy, I don't understand why so many young people get offended by the concept that MOST people gain perspective with age. It's not an insult to being young, it's just the way it is. It doesn't mean you don't really love when you are young, or are somehow less important, it just means you haven't been 'there' yet.
Oh and I totally think most older people have FAR more to lose if their marriage falls apart. Starting over in love at 30 or 35 (when there are still lots of singles) is hardly the same as starting over in love at 60 (when everyone is married) when you all had worked and planned your whole life together. You have 30 years or more of living with and loving ONE person and that's all gone. Yes, marriages falling apart at any time is horrible, but after 30 years seems worse to me than 5, but maybe that's my opinion only.
I am young, and not "offended" by the fact that with age you gain more knowledge, I know that....and I agree with that. And I have also said that with age and more years into a marriage you have more to loose emotionally and spiritually, that said, it as an analogy you (not you specifically, but anyone) use an example that is relevant is all that I am saying.