Groom's brother, the best man, is not speaking to either of us!
Posted: Aug 13, 2006 10:39 PM
Our wedding is in 6 weeks! The best man at our wedding is not speaking to either of us, let alone helping or offering to help us. My fiance informed me that his brother gets in these "moods" from time to time. But, it's stressing me out because we need him to take care of certain things and we need to discuss things regarding the wedding with him. Anyone having this sort of problem and what is there to do about it?
Annie, relax! If your FH is not stressed out by his brother's moodiness, then why are you? The dudes are your fh's problem. LOL Offer fbil a MIDOL, give him a "to do" list and focus on your lovely wedding.
Just let it run its course. My FBIL is likely to do the same thing. It is very typical when the attention isn't on him. Don't sweat it. You have bigger things to worry about! http://grantandjen.weddingannouncer.com
I'm sorry your FBIL is acting like that. Try not to let it get you down. Unfortunately, sometimes there is not much you can do about some family memebers and have to just make he best of it. Do what you can without him and don't expect his help.
We have a similar problem - FH's brother is very moody, immature and - our wedding is just over two weeks and my fiance's brother has yet to even congratulate us on the engagement! We knew he would be only trouble so we didn't ask him to be in the wedding party. My fiance's MOTHER isn't speaking to us because my finace's brother and sister aren't in the wedding. Our wedding is in 2 and 1/2 weeks and I'm trying to finalize details and I can't even get an answer if my Future-in-laws will even come to the rehearsal!! The only thing I can do is try my best to plan without them - I've been trying to make sure that everyone else is well informed and trying to come up with contingency plans. For example, during the ceremony I'd like our mothers to light the individual unity candles, if FMIL won't agree to do this, then I'll have the candles lit by us (to represent the individuals) instead of our Mom's.
Given the way your FI describes his brother's behavior, this sounds like he could potentially have a mental illness. If that's the case, there's not much you can do to affect his "mood" (getting him proper treatment would help, but that's a whole other subject).
When you say there are things you need to discuss with him, are you talking about getting his opinion on things, or letting him know he has certain things to do? If it's an opinion thing, you'll probably have to move on without his input.
If it's a matter of his BM duties, give him written lists and schedules. Follow up to make sure things are getting done on time. And perhaps enlist the other groomsmen to take on some of the duties of the BM.
Now, the bachelor/bachelorette party is this weekend and the MOH (who has been awesome!) is stuck with the bill for reservations! The BM said he was going just 3 weeks ago and now, via his mother, we hear he's not. Any advice? Should my FH and I pay the BM's half?
Yes I have the same problems with my sister............She actually decided to send me an email not even tell me face to face that she wanted nothing to do with me or the wedding. All because of a stupid fight that always happens between family members. So Don't worry about it , just let it be and when it get a bit closer have the FH take care of it. If that doesn't work then someone else will have to take care of those certain things.
annie1, my situation isn't the same as yours, but i can empathize, as my FBIL has been acting like kind of a jerk, making decisions that aren't exactly wise, and lashing out at people who are looking out for him. He is one of two best men ( a close friend is another) but I'm starting to feel bad, bc I pushed my FH a little to ask this guy, because, you know he's his brother, and now this guy is acting badly towards his fam, esp their parents. Fh set him aside and kind of told him how much he's hurting their parents. He's always been very condescending, but now it seems ike he's trying to hurt the people that care about him.I hope things are getting better for you. What is it about weddings that makes people so crazy?
I wish I knew, sister! They are getting better. FBIL has taken the entire day off before the wedding to help us, which is very generous of him - we'll see if he follows through. Part of the problem is that his current GF does not like my FH and I. To make a long story short, she would always call my FH 2-3 times a week before he and I met (yes, even though she was dating his younger bro) and my FH didn't realize how wrong that was until he and I talked about it. He talked to her very nicely about it and she reacted very immaturely and won't speak to him or I now. Everyone thinks she LIKED him and that's why. It doesn't bother me because my FH did the right thing. She is 24 and I thought she was 19 when I first met her - very immature. My FBIL (also the BM) is still dating her though their relationship is still on a downward spiral. It's awkward on my FMIL and FFIL, too.
Well, my FBIL has been trying to "cozy up to me" and make up with me since the Bachelor/Bachelorette Party (which he didn't stay long at). I won't hold a grudgr with him, but I just hope he pulls through and doesn't let us down on the big day!
"To make a long story short, she would always call my FH 2-3 times a week before he and I met (yes, even though she was dating his younger bro) and my FH didn't realize how wrong that was until he and I talked about it. He talked to her very nicely about it and she reacted very immaturely and won't speak to him or I now. Everyone thinks she LIKED him and that's why."
Interesting. I call my FH's brotheron occassion - usually we talk often on IM - but it's not cause I secretly love him. We're just good friends, and he is like a brother to me. So I dunno, for you to see that your FH had to be shown "how wrong" that is, might be a very good reason for the animosity there. If the two brothers didn't mind, and she wasn't obviously hitting on him (which I am sure one or the other would have seen), it probably was nothing. But you did say you made a long story short, so maybe there's a lot not said.
Anyway, hope everything works out - usually brothers pull through in this sort of situation :)
I can understand your frustration! My FH's little brother (they are 8 years apart) is our BM. A month ago, at FH's birthday dinner, he and his wife promised to give us the contact info for the DJ they had at their wedding 2 years ago.(We'd get a sizable discount if we have a referral from a past customer) We have not heard from them since! They refuse to answer either their cell or landline phone and ignore our messages. I am irritated! My FH is feeling very disrespected and I can't blame him. What is wrong with people? I know they both work and have a kid, but how long does it take to dash off an email or leave a voice mail? If we can't depend on him to return a simple phone call I'm wondering if we can depend on him to do any of his BM duties? FMIL said he's supposed to be at her house later today to fix something for her so FH is thinking of calling over there to talk to him. Are we wrong to be annoyed??
I can understand how I might be mistaken as being jealous, but I had no problem with them being friends. But she was calling him 3-4 times a week and would deliberatly do thing to make me feel left out when we were all together. She'd ignore me and bring up stories of things that happened before me. The last straw was when she sent a x-mas thank you addressed to my FH (we were living together) and it had "his name, I love you." My FH knows what he did was inapproprate. She and his bro do not get along, he cheats on her and they argue all the time. She sought my FH out for what she didn't get from his bro. I call his brother from timt to time, but I never complain about my FH to him.
Yes, I'm sure they'll work through this but he has been a very unreliable BM so far and has let his brother down. Less than 3 weeks until the wedding!!!
It does make you mad! We try to call our BM all the time and leave VM and Emails and he NEVER returns any of them. Yet when we see him in person, he talks to us. See, his girlfriend owed my FH $200 from over 2 years ago and my FH finally got fed up and emailed her. That went unanswered, so he sent her a bill via the mail. About a month later she left him the $ in an envelope with his name on it at his parents' home. She is so imature and so is his brother, the BM, that it's very hard to deal with anything to do with either of them. Sometimes he acts like everything's fine and then when he's with his GF, he ignores us. My FH did nothing wrong other than lending her $. We're frustrated that they are so imature. The BM is 23 and his GF is 24. They should be more mature than they are. My FMIL reassures me that she will make sure that he does what he's supposed to do for the wedding, but he's not being there to help NOW. My FH, luckily, has our mutual friends to help us. Too bad a brother can't be happy for his older brother and be there for him a little.