This is just a post. Not a vent. Not asking for opinion. I want to share this, not bragging or expressing any opinion on you, any post or issue that has been going on in his msg. board. if you don't want to read it and think I'm taking space for other important issue, feel free to bump them up. You will not hurt my feeling. Ignore my gramma and spelling --- I know I have ways to go before I'm perfect.
Today, I realized something. Something very important. Something that I should never forget. Something that should be with me deep inside, deepest...in my heart.
I know I'm in love. And I know I've picked the right guy. The problem is, if HE know if he's picked the right girl---me!
We have been through together so much. We've been homeless together. (Yes...you heard me right, WE WERE HOMELESS) We both went through phase when one of us almost die; he got an alcohol poison, I got a 104 degree fever and it was going up up and didn't seem to be coming down. My fever was solved when he carried me to the hospital and I saw a doctor was pocking a needle at my butt. The fever went down from 104 to 102 in a matter of seconds. A good story for grandkids, don't you think so?
How do I know I love this man? Well, I refuse to actually use the word "know" most of the time when the sentences are associating with the word "love". I believe it's more like "I feel that I love this man". Because I know feeling doesn't lie. It's either you're blinding from it, or you are accepting it.
A friends sent me this e-mail several days ago, a little quiz about those that loves you and you love them. Funny thing about it is I have received this same exact e-mail from another friend of mine a year or two ago when I was with my ex-boyfriend whom I was due to be engagged with. One of the questions was "Will you take a bullet for him?". The last time I took a quiz, it took me a while to finally put yes in there. It would have sounded so wrong if I put "no" or "don't know", after all---I "supposed" to love him right? But this time, as I fill this quiz out, and I came to this same exact question---..33, funny, my favorite number too, the word "yes" went straigth through my heart, and I started to cry.
I let him have his little "guy night out" with his friend who just came back from the navy. They hadn't seen each other since graduated from high school. We were going to see him together but ran into some problem and I ended up stay home. He needed some time off anyway and I was more than willing. He deserves it. He called me earlier this evening and surprise me, I actually didn't think he would call, and I told him the exact word. He said "You really don't know how much I love you, do you?". I do now. I really do.
We are like black and white. We should never be able to get along. But, god bless I suppose, we love each other very much. I sit down tonight, alone---as he is back home with his guy friend, trying to imagine my life without him or if something ever happens to him. He and I talked once, long long time ago when we first dating. One thing he said to me was "If I can choose, I want to die after you. I don't want to put you through all the pain that I know I will have to go through if something ever happen to you. But at least you will be in heaven. And you won't feel any pain. You'll be happy."
A lot of girl may think that sounded crazy---they all want the "I'll die for you" thing. I know he would --- but dying isn't really what scaring me. It's the thought of going through someone's death, the thought of me being alone and no one to turn to. When he said that, I know I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him. I cried and cried...amazed at how god must really have a great sense of humor to have created a man like this. Then he said "Don't cry. Angels are not supposed to cry. You're my angel." It's what he always say to me when I feel like the world is falling. And like a miracle, somehow everything was suddenly better.
I am a very lucky person. And I know they are others out there just like me. I met my soul mate, my one and only. So why am I writing this, you may ask? I just wanted to share and past on my happiness to all of you. For those of you who love someone and is loved, I congratulate you. For those of you who are looking for love, don't give up. Love is a wonderful thing. It's bitter at times, but it's also sweet and wonderful. And for those of you who have given up on love---please give it another chance. I know it's hard, but if you open up your hearts, everything is possible.
If you love someone, let them know---let them know now. Show them your appreciation. Show them how much you appreciate them just being who they are; fat, thin, tall or short--doesn't matter. And let them know that you're appreciate their appreciation. Then past on your happiness to someone else. Encorage people to love. Tell them how wonderful it is and how much it has changed your life, as it changed mine.
To all of you who read this, good night--and good luck.
Alyxis, I am very happy for you that you have found the kind of love that I too, am blessed to have in my life. It is a truly wonderful, scary, and amazing thing isn't it? Congratulations to you, and I know you will make an amazing wife for this man!