bride is asking for money at her shower!!!

Online Users: 1,356 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 20
Guest
bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 6, 2006 11:37 AM

Tell me if i am wrong for being offended- it just seems to be a bit tacky. My boyfriend (of a long time) is in a relatives wedding. I have met him only once for 15 min., because he lives far away. I have never met his fiance. I only know the grooms parents...

So i get this invitation for a bridal shower that is being hosted by the mothers of the bride and groom. And it is 6 hours away. And instead of providing registry information, it says it is a "MONETARY SHOWER". Now this leaves me to believe that the bride and her hostesses:

 

A. want mortgage money to help pay for their new house.

B. want me and other relatives to send money even if we dont attend      

C. are too lazy to register or do not want to deal with people that would get her a crappy gift instead of getting something off of a registry.

D. all of the above.

 

I am thinking it is option D... It was surprising in the first place that I was invited at all (considering I have never met the bride), but even more brazen was that she is asking for my money. I am not made of money, and the wedding is going to cost me a lot of money as it is(gas money, hotel, time off work, wedding gift).   Now it seems like an easy solution to not go and to not send money. However, I was told by another relative that the mother of the groom would be VERY OFFENDED if I didn't go, not to mention if I didn't even send money. What should I do?

Reply

SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 6, 2006 12:23 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

You're under no obligation to attend every event to which you're invited, including a bridal shower. And there is no reason for someone to be offended that an invited guest cannot attend the event, regardless of the type of event.

 

In my experience, only people who are local are invited to showers. Sometimes exceptions are made for close relatives, like the bride's mom for example. But it's unreasonable to expect you  to drive 12 hours to attend a shower for someone you've never even met.

 

As long as you respond properly (RSVP your regrets), there's no reason for anyone to be offended. And if the groom's mother is offended, she's in the wrong. And is "offended" code for "mad that you won't be giving her daughter money"? 

 

Decline the invitation and then put it out of your mind. 

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 6, 2006 5:44 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

My father's side of the family is having a shower for me and my fiance this weekend.  On the invitation it states there is going to be a money tree, and no one has to bring any gifts.  They decided it for me and since it's family I see no reason why anyone should get offended.  They're giving us money so we can spend it on large items on our registry.

That said, this might not have been the bride's call, they might have decided it for her like it was decided for me.  Also, if the shower is six hours away, don't go.  That is way too far away to travel for someone you've never even met before.  If you want, send her a card with money in it explaining that you will not be able to attend.  Doing nothing may seem rude to them.  But I definitely recommend not going.

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 7, 2006 2:28 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

asking for money in any form is rude and tacky. fh and myself don't have a lot of money, so being thrifty with my money, i am able to look like i spent more money on my gifts than i actually did. it is no one's business how much you spend, if you spend money, or to request gifts like that. if it were me i wouldn't attend the shower (definitely too far for a shower, the trip to the wedding alone is enough) and do not worry about sending money if you aren't going. it's not a close friend, and doesn't even sound like a close relative to your fh.

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 7, 2006 2:57 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Anyone who has the words "CASH" "MONEY" or "MONETARY" on ANY invite is SUPER TACKY in my opinion.  I'm sorry if I sound harsh but this one really strikes one of my nerves. Yell  And having a "money tree" is plain tacky too.  Money does not grow on trees so don't ask people to put money on a tree for you. These people are INSANELY RUDE and TACKY to expect everyone to just give money!!

You should decline the invitation, and who cares if that woman is offended - look how offensive she is!  I wouldn't send a thing, except maybe a MISS MANNERS book if you can find one.  Good Lord, people never cease to amaze me.


 

 

Can't wait to be a Porter!!!
Daisypath Ticker

Reply


myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 7, 2006 3:07 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Decline the invite. If someone will be offended, explain, ever so sweetly, that you have a "conflict." Lie if you have to! You're under no obligation to send money or anything else, but if you want, send a small token gift (not money--nobody has the right to tell you what gift to choose). If your FH is so worried about their feelings, let him send her some money.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 7, 2006 4:10 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

a lovely little note "so sorry I couldn't attend your begfest,oops! I mean shower, I look forward to meeting you at your upcoming wedding, because I want to see what someone so brazen looks like."   you get the idea

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 10, 2006 8:31 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

oh my!!!! i cant believe there are people really out there that are this rude!! I have never ever ever ever heard of asking for money for your shower EVER! if i got that invite from my best friend i wouldnt give money, so there is no way you should do it for someone you dont know, i would decline (rsvp) straight away and i agree, say you ahve to work, whatever, just dont go! You are making a real effort with the wedding, (time off work, hotel etc) so i wouldnt feel the slightest bit bad at all.  If this mom is offended - big deal! i wouldnt give it a second thought, she will get over it! its not like you are BM or anything...... and no way send money! decline the invite, pure and simple...if bride to be and mom is annoyed at this, then they should ashamed of themselves!

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 15, 2006 10:33 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i agree with your guess completly a friend of mine got married last year and did this at her shower for the same reasons and i got so mad.  i tried to expain to her that it was a bad idea that nobody was going to go along with it, they were all going to want to give her a gift, but she refuses to register.  i feel like she got exactly what she deserved a lot of tacky gifts.  the thing that irritated me even more she wanted me to help her return all of the offinsive items later this bridezilla had a lot of brass

 

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 19, 2006 11:19 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Lauri, your posts crack me up girl!

To the original poster, you are NOT under obligation to send money OR attend, regardless of what another relative told you. I understand the reasons for prefering money over items you may not need, but to flat out ask for it comes out as tacky no matter how you sugarcoat it. Decline the invite, and spend $2.39 on a stamp and Hallmark card wishing her the best. If you're feeling particularly devious, a good phrase on how love is the most important thing rather than material goods would be appropriate.

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 30, 2006 10:15 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

sometimes i think it depends on the situation...it does seem like all so people want is money...i did think about telling the guest on my invite that they should not bring any gifts, but if the want to, monetary donations will be excepted. and then i would put the reason for this...i live in japan, my finace' lives in germany...we have two households full of furniture and everything that we want...and it would be to much trouble and money being spent trying to ship them to germany or japan from the states...someone people still feel that they have to give something to the bride and groom...well i have three months to decide what to do...

 

i would not go to the wedding because it's to much of an inconvenience for you...i'm sure you would not be missed because you don't really know them anyways...

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Jul 31, 2006 9:53 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Here is an update on the situation:

  I was getting pressure from my bf's family members to go. His dad, his aunt, and his cousin had called my boyfriend to see if I was coming. My boyfriend thought I should go without him (b/c of the pressure from his family), even though it is our 3 yr anniversary that weekend (he has to work Sat. afternoon). I told him that I wasnt going, but I'll send a card (with his money enclosed, of course), and he was fine with it. I declined the invite, I left a message on the mother of the groom's answering machine. The shower is next weekend. I couldn't believe it, but the groom's father called my boyfriend yesterday asking if we were sure we still werent going to the shower. He told him we still had other obligations that weekend. I dont get it... they know that we are not going...I already declined the rsvp, and they were still trying to guilt us into going. I think that the grooms parents are hurt that we arent going.

Pebbles1: Perhaps you dont understand the situation. Asking for money is never appropriate, even if you did so yourself. The bride and groom in this situation live with their parents. They do not have houses full of furniture, kitchen wares and linens. They are building a brand new house to live in, with of course a substantial financial contribution from their parents. All of the guests would be coming to their hometown for the wedding and shower, not the other way around. No expensive shipping needed.

FYI: My boyfriend is a Groomsman in the wedding (the groom is his cousin). Although they are not close at all, we are obligated to show up to the wedding.

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Aug 2, 2006 12:26 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

It doesn't matter if you have 10 furnished houses, you never, never, never ask for money.  It is in absolutely horrible taste.  You shouldn't even expect your guests to bring a gift, let alone a "monetary donation."  You invite people to your wedding so they share the day with you - not to take their money.

As far as the shower is concerned, I wouldn't go to a shower where all they asked for was money.  Again, horribly bad taste.  Part of the fun of the shower is seeing all the different gifts.  What is the bride to be going to do.  Sit up there, open cards and say "Thanks for the $100", "Thanks for the $20", "Thanks for the $5" and make everyone who didn't give as much feel like crap?  No thank you.

Reply
Guest
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: Aug 4, 2006 3:45 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Bride is tacky, and your boyfriend's mother would offended if you don't participate in the tackiness!?  Question: Does it really matter?  If, at some point, you and bf get engaged, do you intend to allow this woman to dictate to you?  Send a nice card (or not) and let it go.  This is not a big deal unless you allow it to become one.  An invitation is not an obligation to attend or provide a gift.

Reply

immigrants Posts : 349 Registered: 4/24/07
Re: bride is asking for money at her shower!!!
Posted: May 9, 2007 12:23 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

TACKY plain and simple. I would decline the invite. When a person is invited to a shower it is up to that person whether she wants to bring a gift or give a gift of money but to be TOLD what to bring is just plain TACKY.

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine