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mixed feelings... advise???

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Guest

mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 23, 2006 5:14 PM; ok, so i have been so excited about my wedding. i am very much in love with FH and i consider him my bestfriend. well FH is planning on getting a job in FL. we are currently in NJ. He will be starting after we return from the honeymoon. i recognize there are many merits to moving away from home when first married and naturally i support him and want the best for our new family. this would be very good for him professionally and financially.

i am just majorly depressed about everything now i live with my folks and near my aunt. i am very active in my church and have many frineds there. all my girlfriends live in the general area. i have my personal trainer, and my karate, yoga and spinning classes and all my doctors and basically like EVERYTHING... except ofcourse my FH, who i have already chosen. i already talked to him and told him i was scared to move but that it would be an adventure. i am just a little down in the dumps about leaving everything and everyone else. i feel like i am supposed to be estatic, but i am in a bit of mourning, bc the wedding means i'll be leaving my home where i've lived for 22 yrs.

anyone else going through this situation. any advice on how to change my outlook to a more happy one? thanks

july_2006

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Guest

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 23, 2006 6:17 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; Facing a similar situation--probably moving for FH's dream job and free PhD offer after our wedding. We living in a beautiful place and love everything about it (mountains of CO) to Mississippi--big change. One way I have found to reassure myself it will be ok is to research where we are going ahead of time in terms of what I personally will miss, eg: gyms, drs., petcare, etc. You can look into the churches in your area, the gyms/personal trainer, etc. These are also places where you will be able to make friends. Granted it will be hard leaving your home, family and friends, but as you stated it's a fresh start for your marriage. Find all of the positives while you research too and focus on that. Also, look at it as making all the big steps at once with a great break in between: getting married, relax on the honeymoon and moving on your return. That honeymoon will be needed and a good time to reflect on your future marriage in a new spot. Can you visit your new city before the wedding? That might help to get a good picture in your head of your new home--we are going to try to do that as well. Hope this helped and good luck!

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Soon2BTaylor Posts : 258 Registered: 6/1/06

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 23, 2006 7:08 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; Before FH and I were even engaged we packed up and moved from Indiana to Arizona. My ENTIRE family is in Indiana, and it was the hardest thing i've ever done. We've been here for about a year and a half, and it get's a little easier with time. It was the best move we could make for our careers. Now that we are getting married though, and thinking of a family, we are planning to move closer to Indiana in the next year or so. I know it really helped that my familly was supportive and understanding. The good think is that you are still young, so spending a few years in a new state, and tryign some things out on your own will be great. Then after a few years, if it's still to hard, try moving a little closer. One fun thing about moving away, is that you get to see how much people care about you. When you go home, everyone is so happy to see you. I know it's scary, but it will be fun. Good Luck!

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NatSeptBride Posts : 889 Registered: 3/28/06

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 23, 2006 7:47 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; I lived at home, was very close to my family and friends, loved my job.. I was close to the lake which I LOVED... There are so many things.. But fh lived 7.5 hrs away and I wanted to be with him.. He already had a house etc and was established where as I wasn't... So it was easier for me in that sense.. It was the hardest thing for me to get use to being away from my family and everything familiar to me. I'm 22 yrs old and the way I look at it is that I'm starting my life with fh now. It's not easy, but you most definately will get use to it.. I know it's hard to believe that now, but you just have to get out and do things, and not sit around and let yourself be depressed. Give yourself time to adjust, I'm sure it will be fine! I talk to my mom everyday which makes me feel close to home, and in touch with things that are happening there. Change sucks, but we all adjust, you'll be okay!

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Guest

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 24, 2006 12:18 AM Go to message in response to: Guest; Last year, we moved 611 miles south for career reasons. We knew no one when we moved and found our house on the internet. We've been in Nashville for just over a year and love it. We have awesome neighbors and great jobs. There is so much to do. You have to live your life for you. You can always take vacations and go back home. We're going back to Ohio in July for a big family party. You could always move back if you hate it. It is hardest in the beginning. Before we moved, I got a visitors pack from a tourism website. It had maps and dates of fun events. It made it more exciting, and we made plans to go do some fun things. We got a family pass to the zoo which was really fun. We also went to a pumpkin farm, on a steam ship dinner cruise, and to some shows. It feels like home now. I get lonely around Christmas, but I'm saving some vacation time to go visit family. You'll be ok. I felt like you did, but I don't feel that way now.

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Guest

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 24, 2006 1:24 AM Go to message in response to: Guest; i moved from Rome a month ago to live with Edvard in San Francisco> yes< it has been tough! (MY COMPUTER IS messed up< sorry< it won"t capitalize or type periods or commas!) i felt truely and scarily alone in the first days in rome i knew everyone< and everyone knew me< or it felt that way!

my mother was an established doctor< and it seemed that she had saved the lives of everybody or at least everybodys cousin> my father was a teacher< and i got a lot of praise for that> too> just in the street>

here< i only know MY friends< which luckily i have made a lot very fast> you"ll want to do do< too< because it is a distraction> i can"t tell you how amazing i felt when the guy at starbucks looked at me and said< tor< right? or when the doormen said for the first time< miss tor< i have your packages> ( well< then i giggled< someone calling me MISS TOR)

you just have to hang in there< and make friends> whatever works for you either remove yourself completely from new jersey or surround yourselve with momentos from it> the hilarious gay couple in the flat below has a corner of their kitchen called Little Italy, just for me! I go in there and bake and look at the wonderful cloth and art and ivy they have collected from my homeland!

It gets better, it truely does (and my computer works again!) Good Luck! If you do move, feel free to pm any of us at any time for support!

Love, Tor

Our WEDDING WEBSITE:

http://vittoriaandedvard.weddings.com

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SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 24, 2006 2:51 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; You need to read "The Conscious Bride." It starts on this topic, that you're happy to be getting married but sad about what you're leaving behind.

It's normal to feel the way you do and I think sometimes you just have to accept the fact that you're going to feel sad and ride it out.

I would schedule friends to visit the year after your married so you have that to look forward to. People definitely want to visit Florida, especially in the winter.

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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 25, 2006 2:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; It is completely normal to feel this way even if it isn't easy. I moved from Boston to Atlanta and met my FH here so this is where we will live. Nothing against Atlanta but it just doesn't do anything for me and I would loooove to move back to MA where all my family is.
All I can say is to try to look at it from the adventure angle and try to make it clear to your FH that you can both move back home after a year or so if you absolutely hate living in FL. Is this job opportunity something specific to the area and he could never leave? That would be tough but if not you could be OK for a while.
And aren't you a former WDW CP? I hope I don't have you confused with someone else! If you live close enough to Orlando you may remember some people there and it could be comforting to be near an area you used to live in.
*
I lived in Orlando, FL for 5 years and I had guests ALL the time. Unless you live in a completely boring part of FL (can't think of one at the moment) you will probably have lots of visitors. Get a guest room all set up in your new house or apartment and I guarantee that will make it a lot easier knowing the people close to you can come visit.

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Guest

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 25, 2006 6:33 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; I think that it is hard the first time you leave your home and your parents. But realistically, your life is beggining now. It will be what you & your FH make of it, regardless of where you end up. You are still very young, and what you will find is that being on your own, is what will truly make you the person that you want to be. it will more or less force you to rely on FH and yourself to make decisions, make friends, and make the most of life. I know it is hard, but instead of being depressed about it, look at it as an opportunity to be independent and free. Besides, just because they don't live close by, does not make your family any less than they already are.

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Guest

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 25, 2006 6:42 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; I can totally understand why you are feeling uneasy about moving. However, you are still young, and now is the perfect time for you and FH to start a "new" life together. It sounds like you are fairly involved in your community, and this should help you when you get to your new home. Sign up for a gym membership and start karate, yoga, and spinning at your new place. I'm sure you know it is a great way to meet people! You'll be fine!
PS - it's ok to mourn and be sad, but try not to dwell on it. Even if it feels like it, you wont be totally alone.

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Guest

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 26, 2006 4:55 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; Living in different places expands your perspective of the world and IS an adventure. Don't forget that this move doesn't have to be for the rest of your life. It's a great opportunity to try something new, and if it's not for you, you can always come back down the road, but you'll come back wiser and more worldly than you left!

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Guest

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 26, 2006 6:42 PM Go to message in response to: Guest; newsjunkie, you are right!!! i was in the WDWCP!!! which was actually pretty helpful to FH since he is scoping out props to rent (he figured since we will prob only be there for 2-3 years, it may be cheaper to rent then pay realtors, closing fees etc.) and i pointed out to him the first woman he was considering renting from was overcharging him bc he is used to North East rental prices. he looked around and found places about $400 cheaper! i actually did like Florida a lot when i lived there.
i was just real happy. but i do know, and beleive, that in my life with FH will be even happier and more importantly, more rewarding, than ever. i just applied for a job down there myself. so keep your fingers crossed for me gals.

i know i will miss all my friends up here, but it is good to know i will be moving in with my BEST FRIEND

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RomanticGirl Posts : 777 Registered: 3/28/06

Re: mixed feelings... advise???: Posted: Jun 27, 2006 8:15 AM Go to message in response to: Guest; I know where you're coming from. I'm the one who made us move for my career, but now he found a career here that he loves. We are a three hour drive from our family, which isn't as far as yours will be, but I still get pretty homesick. We've been here for three years, too. I think the thing I'm most worried about is when we have children and how much I'll want our families to be a daily part of our lives. I want to share my pregnancy with my mom and I want my parents to be able to stop by for lunch or help with the baby.
My coping strategy is telling myself that this isn't permanent if I don't want it to be. We know that we can move home if we really want to. But I can't pursue my career at home, unfortunately.