Thank you all for your advice, you in particular, AOTB. It's comforting knowing that another person has gone through this (and, pardon my saying, a well rounded person has gone through this, not just the trailer trash you see on Springer and Maury).
I'm going to sleep on it for a few days and see how I feel next week. I am going back to the States for the holidays in twenty days, so maybe what I will do is go and visit J before that, introduce myself, give him my contact info, and leave the ball in his court. Maybe he'll reach out, maybe he won't. But at least I will have tried.
Thanks again, everyone. I will update you all further as things happen.