BAB- As PPs stated, you juggle. My brother's birthday is right around Thanksgiving, then there's Thanksgiving, then my DH and I have the same early December birthday and then there's Christmas. We live near my ILs but not near my family. And my parents are divorced.
Thanksgiving - we see my Mom's side of the family and then my Dad's side of th family does Thanksgiving the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We do a Thanksgiving/Birthday thing with the ILs. Christmas we stay put - some of my family may come down - but we do Christmas with my ILs (they dont' care if my family is down or not and for the past two years I've hosted Xmas at our house).
Sometimes I get the guilt trip from MIL but I ignore her - she's not too bad and we see them for every other IL birthday, Easter and long weekends. So far, I've been able to coordinate with my BILs FW well - her family is also up North. So we tend to be away the same holidays - this seems to help with the guilt trips.
Also, I always make sure to get on the same page with DH on our plans. That way it's a united front to anyone else. This has also worked well.