I have a major vent here. I'm sorry its so long but I needed to get this off my chest.
My parents have been helping me financially as much as I need while I got through college (I finished up in December), and now continue to help me while I'm job hunting. My dad has been great through the whole thing...expressing a genuine interest in my studies and always being lighthearted and funny when I talk to him about job hunting and stuff. Then again, I am a daddys girl and he can do no wrong in my eyes. But on the other hand, my mother has been off-and-on with me through the past few years. Sometimes she's warm and fuzzy and wonderful, but the other 50% of the time she's an ice queen.
When I first wanted to go back to school, I had planned to figure it all out on my own, including the money part. When I mentioned I was going to meet with someone at the college I liked to discuss my options, my mom told me that her and my dad would totally willingly help me out money-wise while I went to school full-time to get my degree. They paid for the portion of my tuition that wasn't covered by loans, and helped me out with my rent (I worked 2 part-time jobs during my time in school, but they are low-paying, so I needed some help). I am 10000000000% appreciative of their help. Without them I don't know how I would have gotten through in only 3 1/2 years, especially since my degree was in genetics and it was no peice of cake!
However, this is where the problem comes in. My mom will often guilt-trip the hell out of me for "taking" their money. I almost quit school with 1 year left because my mother told me in not-the-nicest-way I was preventing them from realizing their dream of building a 2nd house. During this fight, I told them to STOP sending me money, being guilt tripped about it all the time was NOT worth it to me, just STOP and I'll figure it out on my own. But then she started crying and saying she was sorry and they willingly help me out and please don't quit. Its like I have been being pulled in 2 different directions by her over the last 4 years.
I KNOW she is harboring a lot of resentment towards me because I "take" their money. However, if she wasn't willing to give it, why did they?? (Keep in mind i never asked for their help..they graciously offered and I appreciatively accepted.) I would have found a way to get myself through school - it wouldn't have been as easy and it would have taken a lot longer, but I would have done it.
My FH is moving in with me at the end of the month, so the amount of money they are sending me has been reduced by more than half. I called her tonight to ask her for a check (hopefully this is the last month I ever need to ask for any money from anyone ever again), and she was so uptight and stressed because she had lost her checkbook, and I felt like she was taking it out on me. I'm always at a stress level of 15 out of 10 when I ask for money because I HATE doing it, so when she started in on me about her lost checkbook, I lost it for a minute and started crying, and she just went "oh would you just STOP IT?!?!!?!".
I just hate that she has this built up resentment towards me. In a way, I can definately understand her frustration. It's not like I'm 18, and I should be able to take care of myself financially by now. The thing is that, from my point of view, while I am so so so appreciative for the help they've given me....why does my mother feel the need to berate me for accepting it when she gave it so willingly?? I used to be so close with my mom but now, I feel like some days she likes me and she'll call and we'll talk for a good hour on the phone...but other days it's like she'd just rather me dissapear. And it's not like I don't appreciate the help...she's told me she knows I appreciate everything, and I'm almost annoyingly appreciative.
Maybe I'm just being a big crybaby. I just needed to vent. If anyone has any advice or comments, good or bad, I'd be willing to read them. I just needed to get this off my chest.