honestly, what i can tell just from how you feel about the situation is that you are a very caring and selfless person. you've bent over backwards for these people and they are taking advantage of you. and now that you finally decided to put your foot down, they're not ready to let you do that. apparently being adults and having responsibilities is way too much for them. i really hope you don't beat yourself up about this because you are doing what's best for your family and i really think you're doing the right thing. they're negative people and that's not good for anyone involved. plus, if you let them act like this, they will just continue to for the rest of your life. you deserve better and so do your children.