May 29, 2009 5:46 PM

Ok, so I am pulling this question from another message board I am on... when the subject of weddings came up.

There was some chic from NYC who claimed that (there in NY) one expects to make back most if not all of what you spent on the wedding in either cash or gifts.

That is, if you spend $200 per head, you expect back about $200 (give or take a bit) per attendee in cash or gifts. And when you are attending a wedding, you should find out the cost per plate and try to offer an amount back in that range, basically pay your own way.

WTF!!!!!

What happened to weddings as a celebration, not a money making event. What happened to inviting people because you wanted them there, not because they were going to fork over a wad of cash... what happened to the meaning of the word "GUEST."

Some people....

 Jaime :)

Wedding Pictures and the Furbabies: http://web.me.com/me182a

Tags: southern shore new jersey  |  october 2008

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May 29, 2009 7:11 PM in response to: mrsJLA

There is no such "rule." People should spend what they can afford, and bridal couples should be considerate, if they register, selecting gifts at various price points, so that everyone can find a selection that is affordable. And how, exactly, would one find out "the cost per plate"? Phone the bridal couple or parents and say, "Please tell me exactly what you're spending on this wedding, so I know what kind of gift I'm required to give. Am I allowed to come if you're spending $1,000,000 on this wedding, and I can only afford a $200 gift? What if the cost per plate isn't too high, but you went crazy with your dress and flowers? Should I base my gift just on what you're feeding me, or do I have to chip in for the dress and bouquet, too? What about the round-the-world trip you're taking for your honeymoon? Do I have to pay for that, too?'

Obviously, this is ridiculous.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

Tags: southern shore new jersey  |  october 2008

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May 30, 2009 9:16 AM in response to: mrsJLA

My friend who is from NYC actually said that to me - OK wait - what she said is when she goes to a wedding she tries to give a gift that is equivalent in value to the cost for her plate (She wasn't being bitchy, she was referring to my wedding - and I told her that I had never heard that 'rule of thumb' - and I know her, if she gets married she won't care about the gifts, she's a sweetheart.).

But my point is, I think that it might be an area thing.

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May 30, 2009 11:08 AM in response to: mrsJLA

I definitely think that IS a regional thing, because I have a friend from Long Island and she pretty much said the exact same thing. I don't think it's the brides being grabby--I think it's the people of that area manufacturing their own rules of etiquette, which is fine, but strange to the rest of us. I had NEVER heard of this until I talked to her one day, but rest assured, if I attend an expensive wedding I'm NOT taking a $200 plus gift to the bride's house. I figure if they can afford an expensive wedding, they don't need my money or gift that badly anyway!

Tags: may 2011  |  southern shore new jersey  |  october 2008  |  ohio

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May 30, 2009 6:06 PM in response to: auntofthebride

PTG - I think its regional too, but that is some whacked out rule in my book just the same! I was chatting more and apparently there are people who won't go if they can't afford to pay for their plate! That is just messed up to me, to THINK that you wouldn't be as welcome because you can't pay your way.

Also, I believe the girl said you try to ask relatives how much it was per plate. Or sometimes the vendor has approximate price lists online or something. But still, why the hell should the guest be worried about that? Does NOT make sense to me!

I guess the real kicker that made me post this was when she said that couple don't expect to take a big $$$ loss from the wedding.... maybe a small one, but in some way they expect to make most of their money back! I guess some people just got used to this "custom" and now feel entitled to that same kind of gift getting.

 Jaime :)

Wedding Pictures and the Furbabies: http://web.me.com/me182a

Tags: southern shore new jersey  |  october 2008

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May 30, 2009 9:21 PM in response to: mrsJLA

MrsJLA - Yes, the sense of entitlement is not OK. I agree with you 100%. It boggles my mind.

I couldn't care less who brought a gift to our wedding - I was annoyed with the people who couldn't be bothered to RSVP. LOL

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May 31, 2009 11:08 AM in response to: DoesntPlayNice

I've never heard of a guest trying to base the cost of their gift on the cost per person of the wedding, but I've heard of brides and grooms (or their parents) thinking that they'd basically 'make their money back' on gifts.

Come to think of it, two couples sent us additional gifts after our wedding - I wonder whether this is what that was all about? One couple (an older couple - parents of a close friend) sent us a nice gift before the wedding (probably about $60) and then sent us a $100 check about a month after the wedding. Another couple (young couple) gave us a nice gift at the wedding (about $60) and then sent another gift (probably about $50) afterwards. I thought both of those situations were strange at the time, but maybe this is what they were all about.

Anyway, I totally don't get this. If you expect to make your money back in gifts, why bother having the wedding? Why not just buy yourself a bunch of stuff and save yourself the trouble of planning a wedding?

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Tags: may 2009  |  texas

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May 31, 2009 11:11 PM in response to: amlewis83

I always give my gifts based on the couple and my relationship to them. If it is a close friend or family member I will be a little more generous than if it were and coworker or an aquintance.

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

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