So I've been engaged for almost a year now, and we are finally starting to plan our wedding! We just have the venue so far! (hah that's a start right?). Well, my fiancÚ and I will funding the whole wedding our selfs, so we plan on doing as much DIY things we can and we've just started looking online for ideas - but we have nothing decided for sure yet. My fiancÚ is very involved - which I love. But! (hah there's always a but...) lately it seems like everytime I'm at work and he's not, he and his mother (who I love! And completely value her opinion) go shopping and buy different decorations that they've picked out - sending me a photo through text message once they're already home. Something's I don't mind - but the stuff I dont like so much, he's already convinced that there is nothing better, and when I try to speak my point of veiw I not only have 1 person to go up against but two.... I truly love that he's so involved and she wants to help, but I feel like they should wait until we are all off of work at the same time (which does happen often) to go shopping together. Am I wrong? Or am I being difficult and should let them do their thing? I don't want to offend him or her ... But, being the bride (& being the one paying for it) I believe i should have more of a say in the wedding then my mil.
Congratulations first, and its awesome that you love your mil! Now onto the situation at hand... I think you need to sit them down and tell both of them, as nicely as possible, that you appreciate the steps they are taking to be proactive in planning the wedding but you would love it if you could all go together (if you want to include your mil) to pick stuff out. Its as much your day as it is his, so you should be happy with the things you're footing the bill for. Like you, I am paying for the wedding, and I will be damned if I let someone else (other than my fiance) take over any aspect of it. I hope it goes smoothly for you :)
First congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding. Next, you have to realize, this is something that must be dealt with before the wedding. Otherwise, Mom will be planning your life for the rest of your life. What is going to happen when you start having children? Is she going to decorate the nursery? What about decorating your house with your husband?
This is the time to wean your FH away from his mom and onto you. There is nothing wrong with a son listening to his mom. However, you are the one he is making a life with and you are the one who's going to be his partner in life. Unless you take action and talk to him about this, you will be dealing with an interfering MIL.
Howard Kier, Certified Professional Wedding Photographer
I agree with Howard. If your fiance isn't listening to you now, and valuing your opinions, then you could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of domination. This is about more than the wedding. He is showing disrespect for you as a person. You need to let him know how it makes you feel when he and his mother make decisions without considering your feelings and ideas. If they want to go shopping, he could at least text you photos and get your approval before they purchase something, or give you the opportunity to say let's all look at it tomorrow or whenever you are all available.
Your fiance may think he is being helpful, but in reality he is dismissing your involvement and treating you like a child. Will he consult you about family finances, about the car or house to purchase, or will he make decisions and expect you to go along with them?
You should be both. Your Fiancee and Mother in Law are not doing this to hurt you so this should be a easy thing to resolve. Sit them both down and explain to them that THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY. Tell them that for now you want to hold of on purchasing anything until you are totally sure of what you want. Take a day off work and suggest that you all go for lunch and have a day of wedding shopping.
They both seem to love and care for you so don't worry this will be easily resolved.