Awful bridesmaid, help!

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bride4614 Posts : 3 Registered: 5/26/12
Awful bridesmaid, help!
Posted: May 26, 2012 8:35 PM

I have been VERY tolerant, but I don't think I can take it anymore. A little details about wedding. It'll be where I live, all my bridesmaids live far and will be flying in. I'm paying for their dresses, shoes, flight, and hotel. So they're basically getting a free vacation out of this and all that's required of them is to provide emotional support via phone/Internet. My one bm has been impossible. This is someone who bends over backwards for everyone else but has shown ZERO interest in talking about the wedding. If the situation was reversed, I'd be thrilled to talk about all her plans.

Her offenses:
-Making fun of the groom's sister's handicap (no I'm not kidding)
-Making fun of my brother's fiancée's weight
-When I was clearly insulted by both of the above, she sweeps it under the rug and doesn't apologize. She acts like she's funny and I just "don't get it."
-Saying her legs are nicer than all the bms AND mine
-Complaining about dress colors
-Not replying to any of my messages regarding planning
-Complaining that she isn't the MOH
-Complaining that she wasn't invited to wedding gown shopping (I only brought my Mom and my MOH)
-Complaining that the bm hairstyle looked "complicated"

Seriously, I am really laid back but she is just being a capital B. insulting family members is beyond inappropriate and the fact she refuses to even acknowledge offending me is even worse. I don't see how I can include her at this point. I'm dropping nearly 600 per bm so why would I pay that for someone who can't even be positive? The worst part is I feel like if it was someone else she would be more excited (she's planned people's baby showers/birthday parties and acts totally into it).

Edited by: bride4614 on May 26, 2012 8:36 PM

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longdistancebri... Posts : 6 Registered: 2/23/12
Re: Awful bridesmaid, help!
Posted: May 27, 2012 3:03 AM Go to message in response to: bride4614

As horrible as it sounds I would tell her she is no longer a bridesmaid and hope that you can get the money back from her flight, hotel, dress, etc. I had issues with one of my bridesmaids over the dress/dress color that she would have to wear and I ended up telling her that she could either be positive and supportive and quit being a B about it or not be part of it at all and she realized after that that its my day not hers and things got better. I would either talk to her or just remove her from your wedding party.

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KingsQueen13 Posts : 18 Registered: 4/28/11
Re: Awful bridesmaid, help!
Posted: May 27, 2012 9:58 PM Go to message in response to: bride4614

I agree... as much as it sucks to think that your friend is being a B, or absent altogether, you'll need to address it and be very blunt about it. Just flat out tell her that she has to remember its YOUR day, not hers. She has to know that although the two of you are friends, her attitude and comments regarding others is inexcusable. Ultimately, its gonna suck either way because she'll probably get pissy about it, and therefore your friendship will be a bit strained... I feel your pain... The girl who was supposed to be my MOH decided to have a second 'fake' wedding (long story) and used my colors, my theme, and other tid-bits for her wedding, knowing damn well what I had planned. She and I are barely on speaking terms now because she doesn't think she's overstepped any boundaries. Needless to say, she is no longer a part of my bridal party.

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Syringa Posts : 115 Registered: 1/18/12
Re: Awful bridesmaid, help!
Posted: May 28, 2012 8:16 PM Go to message in response to: bride4614

I have to wonder what you saw in this person as a friend, or perhaps the friendship was a few years ago and she has changed over time. I would confront her, but in a nice way. If she lives near you, invite her out for coffee and tell her you are concerned about her and ask if everything is okay. There may be something going on she isn't telling you. It could be jealousy or something else.

If she doesn't live near you, then call her (no email) and again ask about her and really listen to her. By being solicitious, you are opening the door for her to bow out without you having to actually "fire" her, though it may come to that depending on how she responds.

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PlannerJessie Posts : 14 Registered: 11/10/11
Re: Awful bridesmaid, help!
Posted: Jun 6, 2012 8:29 AM Go to message in response to: bride4614

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding,
I can feel your frustration on your writing. You are doing way too much as far as shoes, dress, flight and hotel, I applaud all the hard work and sacrafices you are doing to have your friends there. But, have you had the opportunity to have a conversation with this friend?, I mean wow, I cant imagine someone so cruel, giving unwanted comments like this, not being supportive, like one of the posts read, have a coffee and see what she has to say, if not just flat out remove her from your bridal party, sometimes in life we need to stand and say, 'this has to stop here' firmly, with respect but always thinking you are doing the right thing. But you need to adress this situation before spending anymore on someone who is really bringing hardache to you.
Hope this helps.

Edited by: PlannerJessie on Jun 6, 2012 8:30 AM

Jessica Ares Certified Wedding & Event Planner Elite Wedding & Event Planning www.eliteweddingandeventplanner.com

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NiamhMaire Posts : 92 Registered: 6/7/12
Re: Awful bridesmaid, help!
Posted: Jun 11, 2012 1:33 PM Go to message in response to: bride4614

I would tell her she can't be your bridesmaid anymore. Weddings are stressful enough and you don't need the extra stress of someone being selfish and inconsiderate. Do you know this person a long time?

Bing/a> |

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