Budget Woes

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bpqueen Posts : 5 Registered: 1/1/12
Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 10, 2012 9:24 PM

My upcoming wedding is my second and my fiance's first. My parents do not have the resources to contribute to the finances of the wedding, and my fiance is on a tight budget himself. For these reasons we are planning a destination wedding at a romantic retreat which I am mainly footing the bill for. We are CAPPED at 50 confirmed guests. We are planning an A/B list, and sending family invites out first, but are there some family members that I can afford to leave off of the list all together? At my first wedding I invited all of my aunts, but they invited other more distant relations and my 4 (along with two spouses) turned into 11! I would like to invite a cousin or two, but not their mothers or siblings. I cannot afford exponential growth a second time, and would rather celebrate with close friends than distant family.

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MagicalMomentsP... Posts : 742 Registered: 3/6/06
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 11, 2012 1:04 AM Go to message in response to: bpqueen

Hello,

First and foremost, congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding. Putting it bluntly, people can only take advantage of you if you let them. So when the invite goes out, you address it to those people who are invited. If the reply card comes back with more people listed than you invited, a phone call is in order.

Hello Aunt Bea. I'm sorry but I think there has been a bit of confusion. Your response card shows six people are attending. Our venue has space limitations and we invited you and Uncle Jay. Unfortunately, we just not able to accommodate any additional people....

Oh I see. Well, I'm sorry you're not going to be able to attend if Cousin Scott doesn't. We're going to miss you at the wedding....

Howard Kier, Certified Professional Wedding Photographer

Magical Moments Photography


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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 11, 2012 11:11 AM Go to message in response to: bpqueen

Dear BP,

Howard has it exactly right. The invited guests are those whose names are on the invitation, not more family members and hangers-on.

The only "rule" you need to follow is that of No Ring No Bring.

Married and engaged couples need to be invited together. I also include same-sex couples living as married, but in an area where there is no legal option for marriage.

No etiquette rule exists that says the offspring of a guest need be invited.

Do exactly what Howard says. If you get an RSVP for more than the invited guests, then call and politely inform them that only the invited guests are expected.

Having said that...

If you are having a destination wedding and, therefore, your guests must travel to the destination, it's possible they might want to make a family vacation of the trip. That's OK, so long as the non-invited family members find something else to do during the wedding and reception.

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bpqueen Posts : 5 Registered: 1/1/12
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 8:10 PM Go to message in response to: MagicalMomentsP...

Thank you so much for the advice!! I am a little slow getting back to the forums :-)

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bpqueen Posts : 5 Registered: 1/1/12
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 8:12 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Thank you so much for the advice! Guess I need to decide which is more important...family diplomacy or a good time with the friends and loved ones that matter!

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Syringa Posts : 115 Registered: 1/18/12
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 18, 2012 9:29 PM Go to message in response to: bpqueen

Could you perhaps have an informal reception when you return to which you can invite the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. and invite only your closest family and friends to the wedding.

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bpqueen Posts : 5 Registered: 1/1/12
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 19, 2012 5:25 PM Go to message in response to: Syringa

This is something that I thought of and dismissed...maybe I should revisit it :-) Thanks!

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bpqueen Posts : 5 Registered: 1/1/12
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 19, 2012 5:25 PM Go to message in response to: bpqueen

Thanks cocoa!

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PhoneCardLady Posts : 6 Registered: 4/19/11
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 21, 2012 9:31 AM Go to message in response to: bpqueen

B Lists are a no-no and frowned upon.

save the date

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Jan 23, 2012 5:08 PM Go to message in response to: PhoneCardLady

A and B lists are not a no-no, phonecardlady. Not sure where you got that idea from.

P.O.O.P. - People Offended by Offended People

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wad Posts : 44 Registered: 7/18/11
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Aug 2, 2012 1:12 AM Go to message in response to: bpqueen

I have been planned my wonderful wedding with iWedPlanner wedding website and my planning was finished with my budget. Do your planning with your own idea also..

wedding planner |wedding transportation

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Sydney99 Posts : 20 Registered: 6/1/12
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Aug 20, 2012 6:28 PM Go to message in response to: bpqueen

I've seen this a million times and the others are right: you need a diplomatic (but firm) way of ensuring that this day goes how you and your fiance want. Often times I've found that the guests make it about themselves and just think it's a fun date night with free food (not all but honestly, some really do). This is your special day and it really needs to be with those that are nearest and dearest to you. Their "plus one's" aka dates aren't in that special category to you. I think singles feel self-conscious about attending alone, so they really get anxious about HAVING to have their date. Perhaps tables could be not so couples-centric and intersperse a few singles in each one.

Washington, D.C.

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Budget Woes
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 4:51 PM Go to message in response to: bpqueen

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