How soon is too soon?

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Callie22 Posts : 2 Registered: 1/9/12
How soon is too soon?
Posted: Jan 9, 2012 1:14 PM

I'm just wondering what everyone's opinion is on when it is too early to get engaged. I'm not trying to judge by what other people say what I should do, I'm just curious.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and we've been talking about engagement for almost the whole relationship. It was love at first sight and I know that we are meant for each other.

But what do you think is the right amount of time to be dating before you get married?

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Jan 9, 2012 3:48 PM Go to message in response to: Callie22

Dear Callie,

It really depends on the ages and maturity levels of the couple.

For example, if a 15-year old told me "It was love at first sight and I KNOW this is the guy for me", I would say "wait a few years" or "keep your options open".

If the person was 40, I'd figure they did not fall off the turnip truck yesterday, and have had a lot of time to develop their adult personality and think about what kind of person is "right" for them.

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happychloe Posts : 21 Registered: 8/11/11
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Jan 9, 2012 10:15 PM Go to message in response to: Callie22

If you really love him and you have thought over about your relationship, it will be the right time to be get married.

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PlatinumInferno... Posts : 5 Registered: 1/15/12
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Jan 15, 2012 8:22 PM Go to message in response to: Callie22

I believe that if you know its right, you know. However sometimes its good to wait for the sake of family and friends to be more accepting of an engagement.

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jessiediane Posts : 1 Registered: 1/24/12
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Jan 24, 2012 10:13 PM Go to message in response to: Callie22

I really believe that no one under 30 is truly prepared for marriage to their partner unless they have a couple years under their belt. This is both in part knowing your partner well enough to know if they're the one, and having the right kinds of experiences to be ready for marriage.

I think the most important piece that prepares you for marriage is having an understanding of each other's expectations and having similar values. Part of the reason couples date for a couple years is because it takes at least this long to have these conversations about who you are, what you want, and what you expect out of marriage, your partner, and life. It's easy to understand that couples that don't agree on whether to have kids or not split up...but many couples also split up because they never discussed what quality of life they want to maintain, how they spend their money, how they parent, what their priorities are.

Secondly, despite all this, I also really believe in timing... a lot of changes happen in your 20s, including expectations. At 23 you might have a totally different job, perspective, lifestyle, and goals than at 30. That's why I think experience is key....experiencing these changes with your partner will give you a clue to how they will handle it and how you as a couple will make decisions and solve problems, and will also allow you to make the decision that affects the rest of your life at a time when you've had some life experience under your belt.

That said... I think the right amount of time dating is really the right amount of time spent talking about expectations and truly communicating, paired with the right timing in both of your lives.

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jjjune Posts : 60 Registered: 1/6/12
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Jan 24, 2012 11:49 PM Go to message in response to: Callie22

I think it's all but impossible to answer this for another person.

Personally, I think 6 months is quite early. In my relationship experience, that's still very much the honeymoon phase and not necessarily an accurate reflection of a couple's compatibility.
My FI took about 4 years to propose and we are in our 30's. Although at times I wished he would just hurry up and ask me to marry him, in retrospect I am so, so happy we've travelled together, seen each other sick and injured, had a dog, lived together, experienced periods of financial prosperity and um, non-prosperity, learned how to disagree effectively, been through clinical depression, really gotten to know each other's family, shared joys, achievements, and dissapointments, and so much more... I can't imagine planning on entering a life-long committment with someone without having that under our belts.

Edited by: jjjune on Jan 24, 2012 11:49 PM

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Geeky Posts : 10 Registered: 7/29/11
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Jan 26, 2012 3:43 PM Go to message in response to: Callie22

I don't think that there is one right answer that fits every relationship. You should just keep thinking/talking about it and I think that it will just feel right when the right time comes.

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niabiaxxmoi Posts : 2 Registered: 8/10/11
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Feb 14, 2012 9:25 PM Go to message in response to: jessiediane

You sound a bit pretentious in your post. Just because you felt better prepared to get married at that age does not mean that everyone will have or has had the same experience. Lots of couples got married young in the past and had good marriages. Whether the relationship or someone is prepared for it really depends on the couple's maturity level and financial situation.

Edited by: niabiaxxmoi on Feb 14, 2012 10:53 PM

Edited by: niabiaxxmoi on Feb 14, 2012 10:54 PM

Edited by: niabiaxxmoi on Feb 14, 2012 10:55 PM

Edited by: niabiaxxmoi on Feb 14, 2012 10:57 PM

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calciwil Posts : 1 Registered: 2/24/12
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Feb 26, 2012 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: niabiaxxmoi

too soon is so soon that it is unwanted

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tellyy1122 Posts : 9 Registered: 10/15/11
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: May 26, 2012 10:28 PM Go to message in response to: Callie22

i think u should wait a year when u were dating........or like the others say wait till maturity or money ready OR........ i hate to tell u and be a debbie downer but....hes seeing someone!!!!!!

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swichwang34 Posts : 657 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: How soon is too soon?
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 6:36 PM Go to message in response to: Callie22

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