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Guest List

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Leanne0514 Posts : 4 Registered: 5/1/11
Guest List
Posted: Dec 20, 2011 11:37 AM

I need advice. My wedding is June 30, 2012. My fiance and I have everything booked and planned but we are having trouble with the guest list. Our all-inclusive reception venue (an antebellum home-turned-B&B) will accommodate a maximum of 200 guests. When we began planning, we didn't expect to invite more than 120 or so guests; however, our guest list has grown to over 300. I know proper etiquette states one should not invite more than the venue can handle, in hopes that 100-plus people do not come. Changing the venue is not an option as we have already paid a deposit and have started paying the balance. So I have to cut the guest list.

I had originally planned to invite my entire office and spouses, if they have one, which would total about 40 people, knowing that only half will come. But now, with the number crunch, I've cut that to only the ones I work with on a day-to-day basis and their spouses, all of whom will come. I am having to cut my friends and family as well. (My fiance's list is very short already so we don't want to cut there.) Several people have offered to give us showers, such as my parents' church and my office. It's not proper for them to give us a shower and then not invite them to our wedding. I have also considered making the ceremony and reception grown-ups only, since we aren't having a flower girl or ring bearer, but most of the bridal party has children and want to bring them. What can I do to shorten our guest list? Who else can I cut?

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Guest List
Posted: Dec 20, 2011 2:30 PM Go to message in response to: Leanne0514

Dear Leanne,

"I know proper etiquette states one should not invite more than the venue can handle, in hopes that 100-plus people do not come. "

Proper etiquette? That's just common sense. You cannot invite more people than you can accommodate in hopes that some don't show up. What if you invite 250, hoping for 200, and 205 show up? How are you going to tell five people they can't come in?

"I'm sorry, Aunt Hilda, but since you walk with a walker at 0.05 MPH, you are a lot slower than the others. Thus, you were one of the unlucky last five to show up, and you get to toddle back out to the bar and wait there, with the drunks and hookers, while everyone else has a grand time at the party. As soon as someone leaves and there is room, we'll come and get you."

Um, no.

What you need is an A/B list. A/B lists work (and this is important) SO LONG AS NO ONE KNOWS THERE IS AN A/B LIST.

Here's how it works.

Divide your in-town folks into A and B lists. A-listers are must-invites and B-listers are maybe-invites.

Send invitations to out of town folks about three weeks before the rest, under the assumption that out of towners need a bit extra time to plan. Allow a few days for the invitations to arrive, then get on the phone and nail down accepts/declines.

"Hello, Bob? I am really hoping that you are able to come to our wedding. We sent your invitation out early, so you could have time to plan." "I'm sorry, but I'm having brain cancer surgery on that date." "Oh, dear, we will be thinking of you for sure. I hope the knife doesn't slip in the middle of the procedure. So, that means I can put you down as DEFINITELY not coming?"

As you go through this list, a few spots will free up. That means you can bump up a few B-listers in town to the A-list.

Then, send out all A-list invitations at once.

Finally, I suggest you cut out all office invitations, possibly with the exception of anyone with whom you socialize regularly outside of work. It is a common fallacy that you are True Friends with people with whom you work. Think: If you were to quit your job today, how many of those office people would you continue to see on social occasions? Not many.

Since your guest list is so tight, I would eliminate all the office folks right off the bat. By taking them all out, you won't hurt anyone's feelings.

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Leanne0514 Posts : 4 Registered: 5/1/11
Re: Guest List
Posted: Dec 20, 2011 3:14 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Aunt,

Of course it's common sense, but it's also proper etiquette. And no, I would never deny entry to anyone, even if the maximum number had been reached. How tacky!

I do, however, love you A/B list idea! That would make things so much easier. Especially since most of our guests are from out of town. As far as office guests though, the few I left on the list are people I see socially. It's going to take a lot more thought.

Thank you for your suggestions!

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Guest List
Posted: Dec 20, 2011 7:57 PM Go to message in response to: Leanne0514

Dear Leanne,

"And no, I would never deny entry to anyone, even if the maximum number had been reached. "

But, seriously, the people who manage the wedding and reception venues must, by law, control the number of people in the room. It's a matter of fire safety, etc.

We have all been in banquet rooms that are stuffed to capacity. There are no extra chairs, no elbow room, no room to move around. I have been there, and it's miserable.

The sales and catering people at your venue know what they are doing when they tell you there is a maximum room capacity. You must abide by that limit.

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Leanne0514 Posts : 4 Registered: 5/1/11
Re: Guest List
Posted: Dec 21, 2011 11:57 AM Go to message in response to: Aunt

I realize that, Aunt. That is why I asked for suggestions for trimming the guest list in the first place.

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wzq103 Posts : 2,771 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: Guest List
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 1:26 AM Go to message in response to: Leanne0514

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Kimberly212 Posts : 2,211 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Guest List
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 9:01 PM Go to message in response to: Leanne0514

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