Engaged and having trouble deciding

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NeverBeenHappier Posts : 2 Registered: 11/4/11
Engaged and having trouble deciding
Posted: Nov 9, 2011 1:46 PM

Hey everyone!

I just got engaged and am SO excited. I also just started a new business and finances are extremely tight. My wonderful fiancÚ and I are not planning on getting married until 2014. I also hope to start a family around that time as well as add a furry four footed family member (a puppy doggy) AND we would both love to move out of our cramped studio apartment.... which leads me to this dilemma: I can't have a huge wedding, buy a house, get a dog, and have a baby... unless of course I win the lottery (but I don't even play!). What should I do? What should I focus on? Is it selfish to have a elaborate wedding when I know I should be saving up for when our family grows? I'm so overwhelmed!

Mike & Sarah

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Engaged and having trouble deciding
Posted: Nov 9, 2011 7:07 PM Go to message in response to: NeverBeenHappier

Dear Sarah,

You want it all. Congratulations, you are a normal human.

Ah, but you can't have it all. It's time to set some priorities. If you are old enough to married, you are old enough to immerse yourself in budgets, finance and projections.

I am a financial analyst by profession. I love to work with spreadsheets, etc.

My suggestion to you is to put it all out on a spreadsheet.

Make a list of all the things you want to do, then when you want to do them. Similarly, make a list of the money you expect to have coming in and your other expenses.

Compare the two lists. Adjust your desires to the available money.

"$20k wedding. Nope. Forget it. $5k wedding? Looks good."

I am 57 years old have seen a lot of Life in my life. Never have I regretted doing whatever it takes to stay out of consumer debt. I had a minimalistic wedding and enjoyed every minute. I look back at my photos and am proud that we got married and had a great time without going into debt.

"add a furry four footed family member (a puppy doggy)"

That one is easy! Contact a dog rescue and give an orphaned pooch a good home. Both my beloved dogs were orphans.

Finally, I have a good book recommendation. "Financially Ever After" by Jeff D Opdyke. A number of message board members have read this book, on my recommendation, and have recommended it to their friends. It was written before the Great Recession, so it's a bit dated in the house finance section, but there's a lot of good stuff there. Read the book, give it to your FH to read, then work though the chapters together.

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NeverBeenHappier Posts : 2 Registered: 11/4/11
Re: Engaged and having trouble deciding
Posted: Nov 9, 2011 8:25 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Thank you so much or your reply. I do want it all! I will see if I can find that book at our library :D. You really have helped me decide that I should take it easy for my wedding.. the last thing I want to do is start my life with my fiancÚ in debt!

Mike & Sarah

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Engaged and having trouble deciding
Posted: Nov 9, 2011 10:09 PM Go to message in response to: NeverBeenHappier

dear Sarah,

"I do want it all!"

So do I!

But I am happy with what I have and am happy to live within my means.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Engaged and having trouble deciding
Posted: Nov 9, 2011 10:23 PM Go to message in response to: NeverBeenHappier

Ladies,

I had my own "I want it all" moment when I first got pregnant. My pregnancy was planned and hoped-for.

I went into the baby section of Macy's and went totally nuts over all the cute baby stuff. I cooed over girls pink dresses. I ooohed over boys blue rompers. I looked at cribs, blankets, tot-toters and said, in my mind, I WANT IT ALL.

Then, I said to myself, "Self, snap out of it! You've got a budget, stick with it. Besides, don't go out and buy a bunch of stuff until the baby is born."

I imagined myself with my sweet future baby, rocking in the perfect rocking chair in the perfect baby nursery with a closet full of cute little clothes. My baby would be an infant fashion plate.

Then, I found out that my baby was two babies. Twins. People are facinated by twins and I got double, triple, quadruple the baby gifts just because people love twins.

I was drowning in baby gifts, but was too tired to even care. Just getting myself out of a nightgown by 3:00 pm and into sweatpants was a chore, much less putting cutsey "twinnie" clothes on those two perma-screaming, perma-hungry, perma-pooping little monsters. Diapers and t-shirts were good enough most days.

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MariaPearce Posts : 20 Registered: 10/11/11
Re: Engaged and having trouble deciding
Posted: Nov 10, 2011 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: Aunt

You can have a beautiful wedding without going all out and spending a ton of money. I would have a smaller, intimate wedding, so you can still get a new apartment, have a child, etc. If you're interested, you can get some wedding planning ideas at this event I'm going to which is going to have a bunch of vendors to potentially hire for our weddings. It's this Monday. (Message me if you want the details, I received an email for 2 free tickets!)

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Engaged and having trouble deciding
Posted: Dec 24, 2012 3:38 PM Go to message in response to: NeverBeenHappier

Wedding dresses from famous wedding designers are promoting now.
http://www.okaydress.com/wedding-dress-designers-c-65.html
Mori Lee Wedding Dress Style 4905 is just $419.99.

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