Being financially ready to get engaged/married?

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AmyJames Posts : 3 Registered: 8/15/11
Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Aug 15, 2011 10:28 PM

In a freshman psychology course I took in college I learned that a large factor in marriages failing was the struggle with money. Of course there are many other factors, but from reading things online since then, it certianly appears that financial security is (and quite logically too) a very important part of "being ready". I am now a college graduate, 23 years old, about to start my career job, and have about $12,000 saved up. I know that isn't a ton of money, but I feel that it is a comfortable sum of money to being starting the "real world" with. My boyfriend of 5 years on the other hand has been working the past 3 years, has saved up about $20,000 all while making mortgage payments and paying bills. Luckily neither of us have school debts, but we are both working hard to save up money (not just for marriage of course). Pretty much every penny I could save from my writing I have saved since I was 16 (I freelance write for magazines and journals).

I am currently living with my boyfriend, as it helps me save money not having to pay rent, and not having 2 seperate sets of bills is nice as well. Both our cars are paid off (and should hopefully last us for little while longer) and we live quite modestly, though happily. However in a recent conversation discussing my finances with my mom, it was brought to my attention that I'll go through all my savings and a large chunk of my boyfriends' if we were to get married right now. I'm fairly possitive I could plan a very modest, yet lovely wedding for far less than $32,000, and a honeymoon doesn't have to be expensive either, but past that I am not sure how much money is considered "secure" enough to get married (completely speaking from the financial side of marriage, not any other factor)?

I don't consider myself "ready" to get married yet - so I guess I am not really waiting for the ring, though my boyfriend and I have discussed marriage and know we both WANT to marry each other - but I am just trying to wrap my head around the financial situation. I've always been one to stress over money (don't ask me why, because I am not sure myself), so if I could just get some oppinons on financial security that would be great. I know my parents claim to have had $50 when they got married and lived pay check to pay check, but living pay check to pay check can be hard (not that marriage in general isn't hard, but I can certainly see how money issues can cause un-needed stress on a realtionship). Also, I know that things can go wrong and what I have saved up right now can be gone very quickly, but there are many what-ifs, and I am just looking for a general feeling. As I said, I'm not planning on getting married/engaged any time soon, it is just something I would like to know.

Thanks!

(Oh and from reading on this site - actually how I found this site- I got "Financially Ever After" on my ereader, and will be reading it soon!)

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Aug 15, 2011 11:28 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

Dear Amy,

Your message was a breath of fresh air.

If you have seen "Financially Ever After" on this site, it's probably because I've been plugging it. I think it's an excellent book for engaged and "serious" couples to read together and discuss.

I actually read it a couple of weeks ago, again, because I gave a copy to a young couple I know who just became engaged. I'll note in passing that there are a few things that need updating. For example, Mr Opdyke is writing just before the huge mortgage meltdown of the late 2000s. He mentions the creative financing home loans, which are pretty much gone from the scene now.

I am 57 year old, married now 35 years and the mother of two adult sons. I also have a niece who lived with us for a few years of her teenaged years, following the deaths of her parents. She is now married and the happy mom of a toddler.

I am also a finanical analyst. I think I might be in a pretty good position to offer you some comments.

First, I had to laugh about you saying your parents got married when they were broke, and lived paycheck to paycheck. That would me me!!! I was 22, he was 27 and we were both in graduate school. Our only income was Teaching Assistant money, a whopping $485/mo in 1976. We bought our rings (e-ring, w-ring and his ring) with tax refund money.

Did we argue about money? Not really, and here's why. We both had some common core values about money. Our differences (and there are differences) were minor compared to what we had in common. For example, we are very careful about going into debt.

Debt comes in two flavors: Consumer (bad) debt and Investment (good) debt. Consumer debt is where you pay tomorrow for what you consume today. Credit card debt is the classic example of bad consumer debt.

Investment debt is where you borrow money to make more money. Student loan debt, home mortgage, car loans are examples of investment debt, so long as the student loans are for professions that will pay enough to allow you to comfortably repay the loan, a home mortgage for a house you can afford on a 30-year fixed loan, and a car loan so you can get back and forth to a job. I'm not talking about seaside mansions and Ferraris. I'm talking about your basic 3bed/2bath and an '08 Chevy.

There is bad debt masquerading as good debt (eg too much house) and good debt masquerading as bad debt (emergency medical expenses on your credit card).

Long story short, my husband and I were in solid agreement on the basics. Even paycheck-to-paycheck we lived within our means. We avoided useless status symbols. We learned to have a good time and raise a family within the bounds of our income.

Thirty-five years later, I can say that we rarely, if ever, fight about money. Usually, it's more like gentle kidding than actual fighting. "Hmmm... yet another useless piece of junk, eh?" "Hey, it's within my allowance, so shut up."

You are absolutely right that money can become a huge, devisive issue in many marriages; I've seen it happen. The three things that (in my opinion) cause most divorces are arguments over money, sex and children.

So: My question to you would be this. How much do you and your boyfriend agree on the fundamentals of money management? How far apart are you? The Opdyke book will step you though these discussions.

Next question. What do I think of your savings plan?

One word: Fabulous. You are doing just fabulous. College grad, 23 years old, $12,000 saved up and a boyfriend who is about the same. Fabulous.

For a person in their early to mid-twenties, here is what I would consider a good savings goal.

1. Have 6-8 months worth of income in the bank, where you can tap it should you lose your job or have some other emergency.
2. Contribute to a retirement plan on a regular basis, as in every paycheck. If your company offers a 401(k), then sign up. If they offer matching funds, then TAKE IT. Those matching funds are free money, and will grow into hundreds of thousands in the 40-50 years you have until retirement.
3. Be current on all your bills, no credit card or other "bad" consumer debt, and have affordable payments on any "good" investment debt.

Are you accomplishing 1,2&3? Yes? Yay.

Take whatever you have after 1,2&3 are funded and plan a fabulous wedding. You've worked hard, you've earned it and you deserve it.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Aug 15, 2011 11:36 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

Dear Amy,

Let me mention one more thing. Mr Opdyke advises against commingling your money until you are actually legally married, and I agree with that.

As a living-together couple, you should have your separate bank accounts. How you divide up the household expenses is your business (and the book discusses various schemes), but keep your money separate from his, and vice-versa.

The worst-case scenario is, of course, a joint account and one person suddenly goes nuts, empties the account, and takes off for South America.

If you are not married, then you don't have any means of forcing the guy back to face the music. He can marry someone he met on the beach in Rio and give her YOUR money. If you are married, you have legal protections. He has to settle up with you in divorce court before marrying anyone else.

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AmyJames Posts : 3 Registered: 8/15/11
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Aug 17, 2011 2:13 AM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Dear Aunt,

Thank you for taking the time to reply so throughly to my question, I am sorry for taking so long getting back to you. From what I've read of Financially Ever After, you seem very justified in reccomending this book, I am finding it very educational and helpful so far. As for one of your questions regarding the age difference between my boyfriend and myself, we are about two years apart. He is 25, and I will be 24 at the end of this year, but he'll turn 26 shortly after. He graduated with a degree in accounting, so he's pretty good with money, and luckily he and I view spending and saving in the same light. I can't really explain it well, but in general we go off the rule "if we can't afford to pay in full right now, we don't need it". Of course this doesn't go for things like a house, or anything regarding our health (not like plastic surgery though, haha), just the general purchases. Following that rule it is very easy to live within our means and save up. It also helps us not acquire a lot of bad debt (we can't afford to pay for that 60" TV right now, so we don't buy it). Granted, we COULD tap into our savings, but right now that would be counter productive for us.

And yes, both he and I still have our own bank accounts, and do not have a joint account. Apart from the situation you described, it is also nice to only have my spendings effecting the balance of my checkbook. It is far simpilar to keep track of how much I have to spend when I am the only one drawing money from the account. Once I start my career job, I hope to keep my spending about the same so I have more to put towards my savings, and of course, my retirement, etc. I've been doing some math, and attempting to work out an approximate cost of a wedding so I could get a rough estimate on how much I would like in my savings AFTER wedding costs are deducted (of course going on the assumption my boyfriend and I would pay for the wedding, I wouldn't dream of asking my folks to pay - they have 4 daughters!) Ultimately I would like to at least have $10k in my bank after wedding costs, and ideally more than that, but if I stuck to that to the "T" I could be saving for a long time. So then, and perhaps I shouldn't have done this, I added the sum of mine and my boyfriend's savings together and figured somewhere between $30-$40k would be nice to have left over. Currently, we fall in that range, so whatever we save between now and the time we get engaged/married would be our wedding budget, and whatever that is, is the wedding I would have. I see no reason to go into debt for a wedding, nor to fall below my comfort zone. Granted I would talk this over with my boyfriend before making any final plans.

I really just want to have a stable "nest" for the what-ifs in life, and hopefully I won't get hit by all of them, and once everything is comfortable (I'm able to provide a comfortable life for any future children I might have, save money to put them through college, support them while they look for work, have a good retirement fund going, etc.) then I might settle down a bit. I know I am a bit over the top when it comes to money, but like I said before, it is just part of who I am. I am a big planner, but I am certainly use to my plans not coming together the way I want. Doesn't hurt to plan, but prepare for the worst. Maybe when I mature a bit more I'll settle down, but I don't know if I'll ever be a big spender. Using your terms of "bad debt" and "good debt", I tend to avoid the "bad debt", and that probably comes from the fact that I don't buy things I can't afford. I can proudly say that I am "bad debt" free. I don't consider myself "good debt" free, even though technically I am, because if I marry my boyfriend, we plan on putting my name on the deed to the house and I would then start paying into the mortgage (which would be nice because we could make bi-monthly payments and get that extra payment in every year, ultimately paying off the 30-year mortgage in less time). I think even after he and I are married, we would still have a "Yours, Mine, and Ours" fund. He can use his spending money how he likes, I can use my spending money how I like, and we can pay bills and make large purchases with "our" money.

I am sure there are still kinks to work out in my plan, and I am far from a financial guru, but I have a feeling my overall plans will change (for the better) once I finish this book. I am sure I will have a far better understanding of financial needs. Thank you again for pushing this book (even though I took your advice indirectly!) I can't wait to finish it (lol).

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Aug 17, 2011 12:06 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

Dear Amy,

You're fine. Believe me, you are doing great.

I'll make a couple of comments, based on your latest note and some thoughts I've had since I read your first note.

First: You and your boyfriend are living together, apparently happily so, and pretty much in agreement about how you spend your separate money. No 60" flat screens unless you can afford it. Great, wonderful.

Here is a question: Do you think your relationship would change radically after you get married? You seem to have fear about married couples fighting over money. Why would that dynamic suddenly change just because you have the piece of paper?

People poo-pooh marriage by saying "It's just a piece of paper." There's some truth in that at the beginning of the marriage. Two people are the same two people before W-Day and after W-Day. Their interpersonal dynamics are, essentially, the same. They have the added issues of a legal connection.

That "piece of paper" becomes vitally important when the marriage ends. Whoa! All marriages end, either by death or divorce.

At such point the marriage ends one person (if by death) or two people (if by divorce) are going to be profoundly affected by the presence or absence of that "piece of paper". In the meantime, during the life of the marriage, both benefit from the rights of marrieage (eg dependant health insurance) and are subject to the responsibilites of marriage (ie sexual fidelity).

This is a long way of illustrating the point I made earlier. Your relationship will not radically change after marriage. You won't turn into a spend-o-holic and he won't turn into a super-miser. You will probably have the same dynamics you have now. You are, now, in basic agreement on the important things and will probably continue to be in that basic agreement. You may differ on a few less important items, but that's where the time-honored phrase Pick Your Battles comes into play.,

Next issue:

Please believe me that Future You will be very thankful that Today You has been so good at savings. Future You will have a comfortable retirement, managable monthly bills and a good life.

Wonderful. Great. Fabulous.

I am Future You. I was where you are now. I was 23, and was careful about my spending. I now have a comfortable life and am current with manageable monthly bills.

Now, here's a message from Future You. Don't forget to have fun.

By the time you get to be my age (57) you find your body just can't do the things a younger body can do. Between now and then, you may have surgery, an injury, an illness or just plain normal aging that starts limiting the things your body is physically capable of doing.

I had knee surgery some years back, and since then I have found stairs to be difficult. I cannot lift my body weight up a normal stair step with my bad knee. I can with my good knee. Thus, I go up stairs slowly, using only my good knee to lift myself up. I envy younger people who can go up left-right-left-right while I'm going up right-wait-right-wait.

My husband had a bizarre spinal cord injury a few years ago. Miraculously, he came out of it great. He can walk under his own power and do what he wants to do, but needs a cane or a walker and gets tired easily. When tired, his legs can crumple and become almost useless.

The bottom line advice I am offering you is to be responsible with MOST of your money. Have fun with some of it. A few years back I inherited the money from my late parents' estate. I carefully and responsibly invested 90%.

I took 10% of my inheritance and blew it on a all-family cruise in Alaska. We had a FANTASTIC time and I don't regret going one iota.

While you are carefully saving and setting long-term goals, don't forget about short-term fun.

Go scuba diving. Go rock climbing. Go dancing all night. Take a really great road trip, with a scarf around your head Thelma and Louise style. Spend two weeks backpacking around Europe, staying in youth hostels. Do these things while you are (1) young and (2) healthy and (3) still managing most of your money responsibly.

Finally, the financial planners in our office have a saying.

Marriage builds wealth. Divorce destroys wealth.

Take three identical triplets, with the same job and same income. One gets married and stays happily married. One gets married, the divorced. One stays single.

In the future, the happily married triplet is most likely the most financially stable.

The life-time single triplet is next.

The married, then divorced, triplet is dead last in terms of financial stability and accumulated wealth. Huge amounts of his money has been spent on attorney fees, spousal support, child support and the expense of maintaining two households where his married brother only maintains one household.

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AmyJames Posts : 3 Registered: 8/15/11
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Aug 19, 2011 12:49 AM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Dear Aunt,

You've no idea how reassuring it is to be told that I am on the right track. I am sometimes afraid that despite my best efforts I will fall short of my expectations, but at least in this area I seem to have a little handle on it. Thank you. As for why I am hesitant to get married - one reason, and a far less important reason than my others, is because I am very afraid of becoming a bridezilla. As you might have noticed I am a bit of a planner (haha), and while I normally have a "relaxed" personallity, I am terrified that planning a wedding is going to bring out a beast in me. Despite how I may sound in words, I still am 23 and can sometimes stress over the small stuff. But, at least I am aware of some of my weaknesses and am working on them. So I guess reason number one is my own personal maturity, and I feel that I am an incredibly more mature person than I was just three years ago. I always hear that marriage is tough and things will change drastically when you're married, because you are now husband and wife, not girlfriend and boyfriend. Perhaps though I am worrying too much about that aspect of married life. I guess I've just always heard people say "it only gets harder once you're married", and I really don't have a great personal experience with a recently married couple so it is hard for me to gauge my response to that statement.

Reason number two, and I have somewhat touched on this, is because I haven't really started a career. Yes, I've had jobs, but not a career. I really want to focus on myself before I get married. I want to make sure that I give myself enough to get adjusted to my career, to my new lifestyle, to basically everything that goes along with taking that next step in your adult life. I am sorry if I sound selfish, again that could be a sign of my immaturity, but I think my intentions are good, and I feel I owe it to myself. I worked hard in college, got extra certifications, and made sure to do everything possible to get a good job - another reason why I want to focus on my career, at least for this first year. If I have too many irons on the fire I can easily get overwhelmed, I learned that the hard way in college. I guess I figure marriage will be on the table for a while longer, but if I mess this job up there is no guarantee I'll have another chance. It isn't completely selfish though, having a good job will help the relationship too.

Reason three is that I am a little nervous about marriage in general. It is such a huge step in your life, and you're going from being a single person (legally) to a married person. Please don't take this the wrong way, I am possitive that my boyfriend is the one for me, and I do want to marry him, but it is just a little scary. I mean, I am so young, and it certainly isn't the way I pictured myself at 23. I figured I would go to college, be too burried in my books to meet a guy, graduate, get a good job, support myself, somehow meet a great guy, date for a few years, get engaged, and eventually married. My projected age for marriage - 28/29. With that said, my plans for my life have changed greatly since meeting my boyfriend (heck if I followed all my plans to the "t" I would be the first president of the moon by the age of 16, married to an astronaut, and have 5 kids -or something like that- got to love the imagination of a 5 year old) and I am comfortable with getting married earlier than I had planned those many years ago, and knowing myself, I am pretty sure that after I've worked a bit, and am comfortable with my ability to support myself if needed, I will be all ready to say "yes". My boyfriend knows this, and I think he appreciates the fact that I can be honest and open with him. I love that we have that kind of relationship. I think he is also glad that I have goals in my life, as he is also a goal orriented person, though not quite the planner I am. Perhaps it is because he is a guy, but he isn't at the "I want to get married and start having kids right now" point either. If I told him tomorrow that I was ready to get married, a proposal would probably be on the list of 'things in the near future', but from what he's said, he is also happy waiting until I feel ready.

Come to think of it, you're right. We are already living like a married couple, minus a few things. For one, our finances are completely seperate. He has his bank account and I have mine - the only connection they have are that he will transfer money into my checking account for things that we both use, such as groceries. We tried him just giving me cash but I really didn't like having that much money on me, and trying to do half of the bill with my card and half the bill with his cash was too much of a hassle. I write a check for my portion of the utility bills. If we were to get married, I think I would keep it this way, and just have a joint account for bills and what not.

(So I stepped away from my computer for about an hour to do some laundry and I was thinking about this a lot. Your question to me really made me think hard. Sorry for sounding ignorant, but what WILL change (besides the legal stuff) once I get married? What WON'T change?)

Now touching on the "don't forget to have fun" part. Ouch, that hurt, because it is so true. I've gotten so caught up in saving money, that I have become hesitant to spend money on fun. My last vacation was about 3 years ago, and since then, I haven't even gone to the beach, lake, or anything. We've gone out with our friends, but little things that are fun like renting jet skis, or kayaks, that cost a little bit of money are hard to justify spending the money on. But I do have to bow my head gracefully and say you're right here, and once I start working my career, you'll probably be more right than ever. I will talk with my boyfriend and sit down and try to budget some more "fun" into our savings. Nothing outragious, but maybe planning for a small vacation at least once a year (like going to the beach) and some fun activites on the occasional weekend (like horseback riding, kayaking, etc.) would be a good use of our money. Heck, maybe something as simple as going to Starbucks, getting a cup of coffee and watching the stars come out wouldn't be a bad idea either. (Of course, Starbucks is so evil to me. Love their coffees, hate their price, but on occassion - it wouldn't be that bad right?)

In college I didn't really have "fun" either, because my parents were paying for my education and my living expenses, allowing me to save the money I earned, and to show them my appreciation I worked hard in school, as well as for myself, so that I was able to get a good job. I know I am very lucky to have been given such a wonderful start to my adult life, and I don't want to mess up. I feel like a little kid admitting that, but if I am being honest, that is how I feel. I want to save money and be able to support myself and eventually the family I will one day have. But you're right, I have to allow myself to have some fun in my life (well more fun than I am right now - don't get me wrong though, my boyfriend and I have some good old fashioned fun at home - I'll take you all on in Mancala or Go!) I can't only live for the future, and I am sure I can find a happy balance between living/planning for the future and living for the present.

Again, I want to thank you for taking your time to really read my posts and reply to them. You're one smart cookie.

Edited by: AmyJames on Aug 19, 2011 12:50 AM

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Aug 22, 2011 12:33 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

Dear Amy,

In short, you are not quite ready to get married. At 23, that's totally normal.

You need to do a few more Life things before getting married. You said you need to get well into a career and that will take some time. You need a few more years of maturation and other experience.

Totally OK.

I think your fears of turning into a Bridezilla are unfounded. Self-centered entitlement queens turn into bridezillas. Regular, normal, well-balanced people turn into nice, normal, well-balanced brides.

Here is my suggestion, and this applies to many aspects of life, not just marriage.

Give yourself a deadline, then have a Plan B should you not meet the deadline.

As an example: Let's say Mary wants to go to Hollywood and become a movie star. She's beautiful, talented, etc, and could very well make it as an actress. If Mary came to me and asked for advice, I'd tell her "Give yourself 5 years. If you try your best and in 5 years you aren't making any progress, then it's time for Plan B."

What might Mary's Plan B be? She might get a steady day job working in a bank or school or something, but participate in community theater or work as an "extra" on call. I know a lot of people doing that. I worth with a guy who does community theater in his spare time.

What would I suggest as your Plan B?

Take two years to get your career in motion. Look for good jobs while you still bring in an income with less satisfactory work.

In two years you will be 25. What happens if your career is still in a holding pattern? (Not all that unlikely with the crummy economy these days. Many many bright talented people are in career holding patterns.)

Suggested Plan B: If you are still desirous of marrying your current boyfriend, I'd say go ahead and get married when you are 25. There is still some growth and maturation in store between 23 and 25, but not a lot between (say) 25 and 27. In other words, the older you get, the less you gain by waiting in terms of maturity.

There are benefits to Plan B. You will do your wedding planning, get married and have a honeymoon before you get immersed in an intense career job. You will start said intense career job with all the whoop-de-do of a wedding behind you.

From what you have told me, I don't have a single problem with your waiting another year or two. I do have some doubts about the wisdom of waiting much more than that, assuming you stay with Current Boyfriend and still feel the same way about him in the future.

Weddings are a lot of fun, but they are a hassle. It's hard to juggle wedding planning with all the other Life things that happen routinely. I had a great time at my wedding, but was relieved when it was over. From then on, I watched friends plan weddings and was happy for them, but secretly glad it was them and not me dragging their sorry butts after a long day at work to cake tastings and florist shops. ("Been There Done That")

I told one of my young friends: "Life goes on, and a wedding just sort of plops itself in the middle."

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LuvDiamonds Posts : 1 Registered: 10/5/11
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Oct 6, 2011 12:04 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

As long as he's financially ready, than everything is OK.

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GraceKelly Posts : 15 Registered: 10/7/11
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Oct 10, 2011 6:06 AM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

Hi Amy,

I think that when it comes to money, it's more important that you're on the same page about finances rather than actually having a massive lump sum saved. It sounds likd you and your boyfriend are both very focused on finances, which is a good thing. It also sounds like you can afford a wedding and have a bit left over, and don't have any major debt. He also owns a home. Sounds like a pretty good start, and I think if you keep saving until you're 'ready' to get married you'll be pretty good to go! If you're already living together and sharing a lot about finances, marriage isn't really that much of a change. You'll likely keep on going as is.

The big problems I've seen with money are usually when one or both don't have a clue about how to manage money. When one person doesn't, it's a big clash. When both don't, it's causes deep problems that cause a huge stress on the relationship. If one person has a lot of debt or bad credit that can also cause a lot of strain. But none of that sounds like what you described.

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cellabowi Posts : 6 Registered: 10/13/11
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Oct 13, 2011 1:22 AM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

Wow, it seems like the two of you have quite a lot saved up!
I'm going to apologize now if I repeat anything that's already been said, I haven't actually read the other posts as they were a bit long, and seemed more like a conversation.
I'm about the same age are. I recently turned 23 and my fiance just turned 24. He has about 15k saved and I have 3k. We are getting married next April, but we're also not spending a whole lot of money. Our whole ceremony is costing us 50 dollars, as we're having it at a court house. After words we're having a lovely reception with my parents/sibling, his parents/sibling, and we each have one friend. Overall, I think we're spending about 3000. The only reason why we're even spending that much is because we decided to treat our guests to a very fine meal at a very fine restaurant, which we're actually saving money on, by having it midweek and as a lunch (instead of a dinner).
I'm not sure if the two of you wanted a big wedding, but I know a few couples who have done big weddings with 5k budget, just by doing a lot of DIY type things.
The other thing is that my dress cost 100, as I couldn't justify spending more than that on a dress I was only going to wear for a few hours. Other than food, I think our wedding rings are the most expensive (mine at 400, his at 300). We could have spent less,but we both wanted something a little more unique that the standard band, and we saw it as a good investment.
I know honey moons can be expensive, which is why we're not really taking one right away. We figure we could save up, and do a fun back packing through Europe trip before we try to have kids, which won't be for at least another three years.
It seems like you and bf already know how to mostly handle the stresses that will come with married life:finaces,cohabting, etc.
If you want to be married now, or later, just remember that a wedding really isn't the most important thing, and that you can still have a special day without having to spend an insane amount of money.

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murphyjkelly Posts : 6 Registered: 9/14/11
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Oct 13, 2011 6:39 AM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

It took a lot of saving over 2 years between my husband and I to get the wedding we wanted! The wait is worth it and we had a brilliant day!

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wzq103 Posts : 1,190 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: Being financially ready to get engaged/married?
Posted: Sep 13, 2012 10:12 AM Go to message in response to: AmyJames

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