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why won't he propose?!

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chrisk Posts : 1 Registered: 7/28/11

why won't he propose?!: Posted: Jul 28, 2011 1:34 PM; so i think i know the answer to this question but i am going to ask it anyway-anyone else out there been with the same guy for a long time and still not engaged? any advice would be great...anyone else out there ready to give the guy the ultimatum-propose or set me free!

southern_california

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10

Re: why won't he propose?!: Posted: Jul 28, 2011 1:47 PM Go to message in response to: chrisk; Dear Chris,

He does not propose for the simple reason he does not want to get married, or he does not want to marry you.

"anyone else out there ready to give the guy the ultimatum-propose or set me free! "

Many, many people, men and women, are in that situation. Someone who wants to get married sticks with someone else who strings them along year after year, decade after decade. I know people in their 40s who have been "engaged" (ho ho) for at least ten years. When I ask about any wedding plans, they reply with "Oh, we're not quite ready yet.".

I am going to offer you the same suggestion that I have offered to many others in your situation.

Decide, in the privacy of your own mind, when you will decide to break up if there is no movement on his part. That day could be tomorrow, or it could be a year from now, depending on your circs.

The important thing is to evaluate FOR YOURSELF the situation and decide FOR YOURSELF when enough is enough.

Don't give him an ultimatum. Just rest assured that you have Plan B in mind should your private deadline come and go without an engagement.

If he proposes between now and then, great, accept or decline as you see fit.

If he doesn't propose, then have one of those "We have to talk" talks, where you say "A goal in my life is to be married, and I need to be single so I can meet marriage-minded men. You are, obviously, not marriage-minded so it's time for me to move on in my life."

It's very possible that your guy is really great, loving, wonderful, your best friend, etc. Lots of really great, loving, wonderful people DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED. They are still really great, loving, wonderful, etc.

Those people who don't want to get married should spend their time with other similarly minded.

You who wants to get married should spend your time with a man similarly minded. If he ain't it, then he ain't it.

I really dislike ultimatums. You don't want to get married to a guy doing it only because you laid down the "marry me or else" ultimatium. That is a formula for disaster. (Worse: "I'm pregnant. Oops. Marry me.")

In my opinion, a really good way to explore his mind and let him see into yours is to wait until you are in a relaxed, comfortable, private situation and say "Where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you see yourself in ten years?". Then, just listen to what he has to say.

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Peony2015 Posts : 2 Registered: 8/6/11

Re: why won't he propose?!: Posted: Aug 6, 2011 4:04 PM Go to message in response to: chrisk; There are a lot of variables. How long have you been going out? Have you asked if he's interested in marriage at all?

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TaniaRodda Posts : 1 Registered: 8/15/11

Re: why won't he propose?!: Posted: Aug 15, 2011 4:02 AM Go to message in response to: chrisk; =(

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hannahs2005 Posts : 5 Registered: 9/12/11

Re: why won't he propose?!: Posted: Sep 12, 2011 11:25 PM Go to message in response to: chrisk; How long have you been together? He may not get ready for a marriage. To ask him why would be a direct way.

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jezebel Posts : 1 Registered: 10/4/11

Re: why won't he propose?!: Posted: Oct 4, 2011 8:04 PM Go to message in response to: chrisk; um, hello, why don't you ask him? If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, isn't the idea that your relationship should be built on mutual respect and communication. Talk to him about it, either way you'll get an answer.

Some of the people above are giving you completely ridiculous advice, why would you set some arbitrary date to leave the man that you love, just because he didn't propose on time?

You don't have to set an ultimatum, just tell him you've been thinking about it, and ask his opinions on the matter.

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SouthernBride1 Posts : 2 Registered: 10/5/11

Re: why won't he propose?!: Posted: Oct 5, 2011 10:25 AM Go to message in response to: chrisk; Please read, "He's Just Not That Into You."

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MayFlowersBrida... Posts : 1 Registered: 10/8/11

Re: why won't he propose?!: Posted: Oct 8, 2011 2:55 AM Go to message in response to: chrisk; He may be hesitant for a number of reasons (he's afraid of what you'll say), but don't give up! Try proposing to him. The idea may seem odd at first, but if you love him and want to marry him, this may be your best option.

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ENortey Posts : 4 Registered: 8/31/11

Re: why won't he propose?!: Posted: Oct 9, 2011 12:40 PM Go to message in response to: chrisk; sometimes men just procastinate for the simple reason that they dont want to be tied down....but as i always say cant eat your cake and have it. my husband didnt propose until i gave him an ultimatum. sometimes its good to take a stand or you will be taken for granted

Edited by: ENortey on Oct 9, 2011 12:40 PM