Here's the situation: My fiancÚ "hates" one of my friends and subsequently doesn't want her to be in my bridal party.
He says he would have to look at her during the ceremony and it would ruin the day for him as well as any other amount of time he would have to spend with her.
She is one of my closest female friends. Without her in the party I will have one Man of Honor (male), one bridesmaid, and two bridesmen. So far that's 3 guys and only 1 girl standing on my side. Furthermore, only one person in my party lives in the same city as I do. The other three live more than 1000 miles away and won't be able to help me. The girl he hates does live in my city and will be able to help me.
The "Why": He hates her because one time she sent me a text saying something like "Respectfully, tell him I want to see you and if he doesn't like it he can suck it." He says that "rubbed him the wrong way" and he's unwilling to forgive her. I agree that it was harsh. But that's just the way she is.
At this point, he's told me that if I really want her, I can have her but he's going to hate it and it'll ruin the day for him.
What do I do?
Edited by: KathrynElizabeth on Aug 17, 2011 11:56 AM
Edited by: KathrynElizabeth on Aug 18, 2011 12:37 AM
1. It's his wedding, too, and he's the only person with true veto power over wedding arrangements.
2. ON THE OTHER HAND, are we talking about a control freak? Is there any truth to a question about him "letting" (barf gag) you see your friends?
Red flags are waving in my head. When a best friend says "He's all wrong for her" and a fiancÚ says "I hate your friend" I have to wonder where the truth lies. Do we have a control freak fiancÚ or a control freak friend?
Get away from him, get away from her and go off by yourself. Listen to that still, quiet voice inside of you that always tells the truth. What is that voice telling you?
I wonder how your fiancÚ can hate your friend so much that it would ruin your wedding day for him just because of one text she sent.
And she didn't even call him names in that text, she simply stated her problem that she couldn't see you as often as she liked (although sarcastically). I guess this text has to be seen in context with discussions between you guys that happened before.
So what is the real reason your fiancÚ and your friend don't like each other? And would it really spoil the day for him if she were there? as a member of the wedding party or as a guest?
If yes, then it is very likely that your friendship will end. I doubt he will be more willing to meet her after your wedding...
Thank you both so much for your input. Fiance and I are using your opinions to help us with our discussion. He wants me to clarify the text. It actually read "Respectfully tell him that I want to see you and if he doesn't like it he can suck it." And he doesn't force me to spend time with him. I willingly do. Not only is he the love of my life, he's also my best friend. He doesn't get upset when I see my friends, but he does miss me when I'm not with him.
If this at all changes your opinions, I'd love to know how it has changed. Thank you so much!