Order of Ceremony

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WoodlandBride Posts : 52 Registered: 1/6/11
Order of Ceremony
Posted: Aug 8, 2011 2:44 PM

OK, Try not to laugh... :)

It has been a long time since I have attended a wedding (10 yrs) I am having a reliigious ceremony, even though it is not in a church. My dad is officiating and there is another close pastor friend who is "kicking" things off until dad walks me down the aisle.

Does anyone know the 'general' order of ceremony... Namely, what is done/said before I walk the aisle and which is after we are at the altar?

I realize that most things are not written in stone. I am just looking for a template and is there any one thing that has to come before the other. (I know, we don't get to smooch until AFTER the man and wife part :-) )

Thanks for the help.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Order of Ceremony
Posted: Aug 8, 2011 4:35 PM Go to message in response to: WoodlandBride

Dear WB,

Typically, the couple enter the ceremony venue.

The officiant formally asks if each consents to the marriage. ("Will you have this woman... Will you have this man..." note the future tense)

Then, there can be readings of some significance to the couple. A religious couple might have relgious readings. A non-religious couple might have readings from Shakespeare or some other writer.

Then, the actual marriage vows are said. ("I take this woman... I take this man... note the present tense.)

The couple are pronouced "Husband and wife" (please oh please, not man and wife, he's already a man) and they kiss.

That's pretty much it. You can add other stuff, such as a candle ceremony or whatever you like.

There's lots of optional stuff, such as asking "who gives this woman" or better "who presents this woman". I'd just as soon leave that out, as one man giving a woman to another went out with slavery. Another time-worn-out option is to ask, formally, if anyone objects to the marriage. ("Let him speak now or forever hold his peace.") No one ever says anything. Except in TV sit-coms. Then, there is always a comedy bit here. In real life, I'd just skip it.

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WoodlandBride Posts : 52 Registered: 1/6/11
Re: Order of Ceremony
Posted: Aug 8, 2011 7:23 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Thanks... that answered a lot.

Instead of "giving me away" After we consent to be married, we are going to request our parents blessing on the union. Thought it would be a nice touch showing we honor our parents, but are adults making our own choice.

I agree with getting rid of the objection part.... Not planning on having Jennifer Anniston or Paul Rudd in attendance. :)

It's all starting to come back to me now.. :)

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WoodlandBride Posts : 52 Registered: 1/6/11
Re: Order of Ceremony
Posted: Aug 8, 2011 7:26 PM Go to message in response to: WoodlandBride

Oh, and as far as "man and wife" I couldn't help but thinking of the scene from "the Princess Bride"

.... "Say man and wife! Just say man and wife!!" -Prince Humperdink :)

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Order of Ceremony
Posted: Aug 8, 2011 9:45 PM Go to message in response to: WoodlandBride

Ladies,

Let's talk about the "objection" thing.

Go back to feudal times when people lived in small villages. The village church on the town square would be the center of the area social life.

In those days, when a couple got engaged, they would "publish banns" to announce the upcoming wedding. On three different Sundays, the priest would announce the banns for the bride and groom. ("Joe Blow and Mary Smith intend to get married in this parish on June 13. This is the second reading of the banns.")

The banns would serve to give fair notice to one and all that a marriage was contemplated. If anyone knew of a reason why the marriage might be invalid (groom already married to girl in the next village, eg), that person would speak to the priest when the banns were published.

The priest would be obliged to investigate and, if necessary, call off the wedding.

At the wedding service itself, the priest gives anyone objecting a "last chance" to object, bearing in mind that the person has already had plenty of opportunity to speak up before the actual wedding ceremony. The "last chance" is, essentially, a formality.

As I mentioned before, it is almost a requirement for weddings in sit-coms and movies. When ever I see a scripted movie or TV wedding, I just know there will be some comedy bit at the "speak now" part of the ceremony. The officiant will stand in the background looking uncomfortable, shifting weight from right to left and back, while the actors do their routine.

Is that real life? Of course not.

Bear in mind, I have a life-long church-goer. I go to clergy conferences and know a lot of clergy members. Occasionally this comes up in conversation. I have heard, many times, from many clergy members that never, not once, in a long career have any clergy members actually heard anyone speak up at that point in the ceremony. Never. It does not happen.

Furthermore, seminary students are taught what to do should someone "speak now". The officiant does not just stand there looking uncomfortable while some nutcase sobs "You love me, not her.". The officiant is in charge of the ceremony and remains in charge.

The proper procedure is to take the objector aside, privately, and ask the nature of the objection. If it's substantial ("He's married to my sister, here is their marriage license."), then the officiant would stop the ceremony. If the objection is just emotional ("I love her more than he does."), then he boots the objector out and continues on with the ceremony.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Order of Ceremony
Posted: Aug 8, 2011 9:47 PM Go to message in response to: WoodlandBride

Dear WB,

"Instead of "giving me away" After we consent to be married, we are going to request our parents blessing on the union. Thought it would be a nice touch showing we honor our parents, but are adults making our own choice."

That sounds nice. Go for it.

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KurtEmpey Posts : 1 Registered: 8/9/11
Re: Order of Ceremony
Posted: Aug 9, 2011 2:05 AM Go to message in response to: WoodlandBride

nice

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