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disgraced MOH

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mohfaux Posts : 4 Registered: 8/3/11
disgraced MOH
Posted: Aug 3, 2011 3:44 PM

I was asked by my friend to be her maid-of-honor - something I was really excited about so I, of course, said yes. I asked her repeatedly if she needed help with anything, told her to call me as whenever she needed something or whenever she wanted to plan stuff because I have the summer off and would love to help and could be there whenever she needed it.

BUT, she never did. She never called to ask for help, never included me on ANYTHING to do with the wedding planning and when I did ask if she needed help she said that almost everything was done (her and her fiancee had done it all) and the few things left to do were not things I could have done as they included paying for things. I got to help with nothing that the MOH gets the "honor" of helping with.

Then it came time for the bridal shower - we set the dates to meet for it while dress shopping. I thought I was going to meet with her so she could tell me what kind of food and decorations she likes, if she wanted cake or cupcakes, all of that stuff; but when I got to the meeting all of the other bridesmaids were there too. And we planned the entire party, all of the bridesmaids and the bride together (I figured she wanted to be a part of the planning process so I didn't make a big deal out of it) - there were so many people in the mix that the planning really didn't end up being completely my responsibility. One of the other bridesmaids offered to go shopping for gifts, but I found out that the bride had to buy them - I even asked on more than one occassion if I should buy them so I knew they were taken care of. I didn't intend for her to have to buy them, but then again, I didn't even get the privilege of throwing the party. I also let her know regretfully that I hadn't had a chance to pick up her gift (because a friend of mine got sick that week and was in the hospital dying of Cystic Fibrosis and I went to see her - she ended up passing away the day of the bridal shower; and also because I spent 6 hours the night before making her cupcakes - we wanted at least 50)and I felt terrible about it, but she said she understood. The day of she text me frantic that balloons, decorations and flowers hadn't been purchased (something another person said she'd do) so I ran around town in a hurry getting the stuff so we could have it for the party)

Then she sends me an email last week (she didn't even have the respect to say this to me in person) telling me that she doesn't think I support her enough on her wedding and I have not helped enough and she feels like she had to plan her bridal shower all by herself and she said that she was upset that I hadn't gotten her a gift yet!!! What kind of selfish, ungrateful person says that?! I couldn't believe it. She went on to say that she feels like if she wants a bachelorette party she'll have to plan that herself too and then proceeded to ask me to step down as maid-of-honor. She said she feels like I will not be there for her 100% on her wedding day to make her day feel less stressful and more fun (which I can only take as she thinks I will make it more stressful and less fun).

Not only am I hurt that she has the nerve to just send me an email and not call or talk to me in person, I am extremely pissed that she would even say or think any of that because it's completely unfounded. She says many people ask her on a regular basis if they can help - how many times do I have to ask and be shot down before I don't need to ask anymore?!?! Especially when she continues to tell everyone she's ready and everything is done. She has had no problem asking for my help for other things recently like fixing her computer for her and doing her makeup for special events like her engagement pictures and other friends' weddings.

I feel that if she really wants me to step down that it would be a huge humiliation to me; something I definitely don't deserve. She has treated me less like a maid-of-honor and more like someone she expects to throw her parties and pay for things for her. Would I be justified in feeling that if I have to step down as maid-of-honor that I also don't want to attend the wedding as either a member of the bridal party or as a guest?

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evelinasiegel Posts : 7 Registered: 8/8/10
Re: disgraced MOH
Posted: Aug 3, 2011 6:26 PM Go to message in response to: mohfaux

Step down, don't attend the wedding, and DO NOT give her a gift. It sounds like that's all she's after. This girl is just plain nasty.

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend with the Cystic Fibrosis, and I'm impressed that you continued with your commitments to the bridal shower while she was dying. If the bride was truly your friend, she would have insisted that you take a break from cupcakes and balloons and your wedding/shower responsibilities and instead focus on your dying friend and your grief. It was very inconsiderate of her to still expect you to commit time and energy to the shower given what else was happening in your life. But it was just so mean and nasty and horrible to 1. spring up a slew of additional responsibilities on you the morning of and 2. later throw a tantrum about you not helping enough (not sure at this point what else she was expecting you to do) and her not getting a gift on time.

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: disgraced MOH
Posted: Aug 3, 2011 6:49 PM Go to message in response to: mohfaux

Dear MOH,

"Would I be justified in feeling that if I have to step down as maid-of-honor that I also don't want to attend the wedding as either a member of the bridal party or as a guest?"

Totally justified. I would do exactly the same thing if I were in your shoes. I would also plan something nice and fun for the day of the wedding so as to not sit around and mope.

Send her an email back, with something like this:

"I understand and will step down as MOH as you have requested. I will not attend the wedding in any capacity, so please mark me down as 'declined' in the RSVP list."

That's it.

She's a jerk and you are better off without her.

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EmilyEastondotcom Posts : 38 Registered: 7/16/11
Re: disgraced MOH
Posted: Aug 3, 2011 8:44 PM Go to message in response to: mohfaux

You poor thing! What a horrible situation to be in. I would do exactly as these others suggested, but I think I would include a "i wish you well" message in your note, to be the better person. You sound like a fine friend and there's someone out there who would be HONORED to have you as her MOH.
My condolences about your true loss, the friend who passed away.

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mohfaux Posts : 4 Registered: 8/3/11
Re: disgraced MOH
Posted: Aug 3, 2011 10:21 PM Go to message in response to: mohfaux

Thank you for all of your support. At first, I was thinking maybe I really wasn't doing enough. I met with her today (at her request; and she brought her fiance along) and it got ugly. Among the best comments....

She told me that I should have called/emailed/text every day or every other day (apparently be at her beck and call, wait on her hand and foot)

She told me I was rude because at her dress fitting I answered texts from my son who asked when I was going to be home - he's 10.

She told me not to "throw" my "dead friend" in her face as a reason for why I didn't get her a gift on time.

At that point, the conversation was over and, suffice it to say, the friendship. And to be honest, I am not all that surprised or upset about it being over.

And to those who expressed their condolences thank you so much (I don't even know you and you're so much more thoughtful than my-former-bride-friend) and you're right - my true loss was the death of my amazing, beautiful friend who deserved so much more out of life.

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: disgraced MOH
Posted: Aug 4, 2011 9:43 AM Go to message in response to: mohfaux

Dear ex-MOH

"At that point, the conversation was over and, suffice it to say, the friendship. And to be honest, I am not all that surprised or upset about it being over. "

You have dodged a bullet. This is the type who will be ever-demanding of people spending money on her. She's a jerk and you are well rid of her.

Plan something nice for W-Day and enjoy your freedom.

I was remiss in not expressing condolences on the death of your true friend.

ON ANOTHER SUBJECT: You said you have a 10-year old? I don't know where you live, but just last weekend I went to the Great Wolf Resort for the first time, with my little grand-nephew. WE HAD A TOTAL BLAST!!! Great Wolf is a hotel with a giant indoor-outdoor water park. They have several properties in the US. That might be a great alternate to attending her wedding. Take your kid to Great Wolf and forget all about your ex-friend and her wedding.

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onlyone1147 Posts : 13 Registered: 10/12/11
Re: disgraced MOH
Posted: Oct 12, 2011 5:00 PM Go to message in response to: mohfaux

What a witch! I think I would attend but ignore her completely. Cause I mean do you really wanna miss an awesome party with free food and drinks! I would go but I would let her know how upset I am, And how bitchy it is. Clearly She does not know what an MOH is for, she does not deserve you.

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wzq103 Posts : 2,771 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: disgraced MOH
Posted: Sep 15, 2012 3:41 AM Go to message in response to: mohfaux

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